At issue: identities.
Yesterday, I was visiting with the lady who did my taxes this year. I picked her because I know she is experienced and knows what she is doing. I worked as a preparer in the same office for one year and that is how I met her. But, then I met her at church. So yesterday as we were chatting, she changed the subject to church. She knows me as Catholic. I pretended to be what she thought because it didn't seem necessary to ruffle her up.
I do this alot: hide behind identities. Identities are my safety shield because I am afraid of recriminations. That is, as long as people think I am one of them, they treat me favorably; but if they think I am strange, they treat me another way. The insiders get the privileges. Can you see that I accept privileges rather than be true to myself? How sickening?
First, what I see in the world is my projection and my decision. I am responsible for the world I see. Second, I cheat myself when I do not be myself. Third, I must be afraid of who I am.
These statements are huge. They provide a good touchstone for contemplation. I need to change my projections by changing my thoughts. I need to look inside and see who is really there and be that. The identities are my ego protective devices. Hence, I can't use my ego consicousness to correct the problem. I need spiritual help. I need to use a higher consciousness. The consciousness which is not ego is in me. If I give that consciousness a space to speak, it will.
I begin merely by sitting quietly and listening with non-ears to non-words which flow continuously from that spirit who I really am.