Lenten Friday

From ACIM:

• God rests in you in quiet, undefended and wholly undefending, for in this quiet state alone is strength and power.
• It is your Father Whom you would defend against.

ACIM consistently says our one fear is of God. I can relate to the idea of God as a punishing God. My fear of other people seems to me to be a projection of my fear of God, a disassociation I made instead of admitting my fear directly and letting God have it. I have difficulty getting in touch with my fear of God directly. The fear of God underlies our Genesis story; and I'm sure it is so deeply rooted in my psyche that I haven't gone deep enough yet to find it. I will though.

On the other hand, I am able to rest in the inner light. This is my God environment. I gaze at a bright inner sun and am silent in its company. I don't ask it for anything or try to anticipate some ecstasy or catharsis. I'm just there as quietly as possible.

There is nothing more holy and sacred "out there" than what can be found in the inner reaches of my mind. In fact, any liturgical attempt is an illusion. This pains me to admit. I so totally want "The Church" with its liturgy to be my savior. But it doesn't work that way once you have attained Christ consciousness. Since I myself became the sacrament (and we all are because Christ lives in us), I've been unable to pretend that anything less is more divine. Life would be much easier if I could keep up the pretense and go along with church authorities; but the truth has set me free. Going back doesn't work. As you can see, I grieve. I also stand in the light. I once again attain silence and my Companion shines into my awareness. Love is all there is.

Everything in my life needs to be focused on Christ. There are so many little distractions. I am a Christian athlete. I train every day to improve my spiritual performance, endurance and strength.

Personal statistics: I ran 6.5 miles in the 4 o'clock hour this morning. Sometime this weekend, I'll get a long run done (20+ miles). The Olathe Marathon is in 3 weeks. I'm going to have a green smoothie for breakfast; juice for lunch. Yesterday, at 8 pm, the DSL came on at my house. But I was already in bed so I haven't tried it yet. Yesterday at noon, ATT turned on my phone service, first I've had for many years. At 3, after work, I bought a phone. The first call around 5 pm was from a marketer. My next move was to get on the computer and add my phone to the no-call list. I also turned off the ringer. No one has the number except calling computers.