Monday, March 2, 2009

Lent 6 - Sacred Choice

From ACIM:
+ " you look on the effects of sin in any form, all you need do is simply ask yourself:
Is this what I would see? Do I want this?
This is your one decision; this the condition for what occurs. It is irrelevant to how it happens, but not to why. You have control of this. And if you choose to see a world without an enemy, in which you are not helpless, the means to see it will be given you.

+ Elusive happiness, or happiness in changing form that shifts with time and place, is an illusion that has no meaning. Happiness must be constant, because it is attained by giving up the wish for the inconstant. Joy cannot be perceived except through constant vision. And constant vision can be given only those who wish for constancy.

+ …are you willing to give up the world of sin for what the Holy Spirit sees…"

It is early Monday morning and I am at work. On Friday night, we had 5” of snow, so I did not do any running outside this weekend. I used the treadmill and exerbike on the back porch. Over time, I have made hundreds of index cards with quotes from ACIM on them. These are stacked up on the treadmill. As I jog there, I ponder one. Saturday and Sunday, I focused on one that pointed out the choice to either believe I am spirit or believe I am human; and which I believe is what I see in the world. I also spent time pondering the reality of God and what effect has spirituality actually had on my mentality. Like, how real is my relationship? This morning, the above quoted passages were on my plate. Again there is the choice: do I want this world or do I want what the Holy Spirit offers. All I have to do is give up everything but spirit and truth, wanting only spirit and nothing else. The truth is: God is. As we accept this truth, the world as we know it disappears.

Happiness as an inner constant reality is made of light and joy and peace. In my own thinking, happiness is found in “nothing.” It does seem somewhat scary to think of giving up all my worldly toys: money worries, what others think of me, food cravings, status cravings, running awards. But I also feel spiritual strength sort of like triumphal background accompanying music as I am guided by the Holy Spirit and take my tiny steps. My renunciation of the world and joining of Spirit, living more and more as spirit in the realm of spirit is a continuum. Daily I am led. Daily I make the choice to be spirit. The results of one day may seem imperceptible. The results of years are intangible. Yet I deeply know that my happiness has grown over the past few years and the amount of hatred has diminished.

I went to the monastery to become contemplative and live out my dream of having a great consciousness, like Merton or John of the Cross. When I look back at my monastic life, I see the stress of a continuous attempt to please others and be accepted in the hopes of being granted this one big moment of monastic profession, where I would be Jesus' spouse and I’d never have to worry again. Now, my life consists largely of nothingness. In this nothingness, the reality of my sacred journey is so overwhelming. It doesn’t show to the outside world, but I am doing the work of changing on behalf of everyone. No matter what you happen to be doing, I can see your sacred journey and hear the celestial triumphal music accompanying you. Seeing you as spirit is my gift to you.

Personal statistics: day 13 raw.

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