Christianity is a matter of faith, not fact. The only way it is possible to be a Christian is to claim faith. Without a salvation experience (emotionally charged ah ha, or feeling of enlightenment), or deep childhood programming, or a cherished faith community, or fear of hell and damnation, it is not possible to be a Christian. To step off the bridge of reason, I either have to have faith or revelation or guilt.
Humans are programmable. My life experience, my thoughts, my feelings, my perception, all depend on my programming. So I’ve been involved with spiritual and emotional growth for a long time. Has my programming changed? If yes, who changed it? I am mainly an unhappy ego. Does my unhappy ego want to change or is there a non-ego component of my consciousness which wants to change?
I have sincerely offered my self for divine revelation. The results are profound, but gradual. My sense of revelation comes from a sense of presence; an indescribable and subtle impression that I am not alone and what I see is an illusion. My divine interventions, the result of prayer (asking), seem to be course shifts. Sometimes the course shift is small and seemingly a plan on my part, except for it started from a tiny intuitive thought. Sometimes the course shifts are dramatic and completely out of my control. If a course shift seems to be my choice, that is intuition sourced planning; the source of the intuition could be beyond my ego. If a course shift is not my choice, its source could be a higher consciousness or it could just be a fluke. To think that any of this is God is faith.
I spend my meditative time thinking about such things and then being quiet. My thinking could be just a useless internal discourse. My quiet time is probably more productive.
Personal Statistics: This morning I ran 21 miles. I ran on a road that went between two fields of corn stubble, which were covered with millions of starlings. If you drew a radius of about 70 feet around me, that circle would be the area the birds cleared out of as I ran up the road. It was weird to see. Was that circle the real size of my energy pattern?
I am registered for a marathon in 2 weeks. My condition is great. Today, the last two miles of my run today were on a marked road, so I ran the last 2 miles in 9:15 each. I want to go in the marathon and do my best. Success depends on not being stupid. But stupid is lurking very close to the surface of my consciousness. Stupid goes like this: The marathon is March 28; but I noticed yesterday that there is a 50K ultra-marathon (31 miles) on April 18. The ultra is on a cinder path, not a trail. So stupid says, “Hey, run the marathon as a training run and aim at the ultra as your real race.” Stupid would say, “Don’t taper for the marathon and don’t rest after.” Stupid is stupid because I would end up with some type of injury. I need to keep my eye on the ball. The marathon is the first race to aim at; then decide about any ultras.