Studying A Course in Miracles (ACIM) this morning (12.III), I again ponder some parts of ACIM which offer a totally different paradigm than the one I was taught by society or religion. These other ways of looking at things offer me hope for better outlooks, and that is why I continue to study ACIM. These other ways of looking at things contradict the world's logic and take long discussions with Jesus in order for me to slowly get it, and live happier. I can only learn to live these other ways with help from my Guide, Jesus, and my Teacher, the Holy Spirit. Here are some bits and pieces of what Jesus says, out of context:
- If only the loving thoughts of God’s Son (all of us are God’s Son) are the world’s (not this world, but the one God gave us) reality then the real world must be in his mind.
- Everything you perceive as the outside world is merely your attempt to maintain your ego identification (instead of Christ/Holy Spirit identification)…
- You have projected outward what is antagonistic (self hate and guilt) ….your hatred is in your mind…you must get rid of it before you can perceive the world as it really is.
- The world you perceive is…governed by the desire to be unlike God…made out of what you do not want, projected from your mind because you are afraid of it.
- …you do have control over your mind…all the attack you perceive is in your own mind…
- Bring your (unloving) perceptions to the inner altar of God where Christ abideth, the altar of truth where Atonement has been placed…there you will see your vision changed (into Christ vision)…
- …you must relinquish your investment in the world as you project it, allowing the Holy Spirit to extend the real world to you from the altar of God.
My reflection: I see a world that is against me, filled with people being angry, attacking each other (all anger in the mind is an attack even if not behaviorally carried out), and no way to get ahead. The world I see is the projection of my own self hate and investment in the idea I need to be punished. I need to be punished because I think I left God and am separate from God and God hates me and would punish me (like the prodigal son). So I bring this self honesty to Jesus and let him shine his light on it, undoing my hard feelings. As I let go of my investment, the world I see improves.
I must take responsibility for my projections and stop thinking God would make the hatred I see. If God is love, God wouldn’t make this hateful world. It must have come from somewhere else. In ACIM, Jesus encourages us to take responsibility for our thoughts and feelings, bring them to him and move on to loving thoughts instead. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are in us and will teach us a better way. I want the better way.
I am stopping my investment in the money economy and starting to invest in “THE ECONOMY OF LOVE.” In the long run, love is the only important thing.
Ha, ha…as I am now following a training schedule and not doing what I want, my running has been removed from my ego and placed in the loving hands of my Teacher, Guide and Coach (Jesus). My running is now running on love and not self. How happy this is for me. I need to do the same with my eating.
Peace be with you always!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
The Marathon of Silence
This morning, in the A Course in Miracles (ACIM) Text, I found this: “Learn to be quiet in the midst of turmoil, for quietness is the end of strife and this is the journey to peace” (12.II.5.5).
It reminded me of this burning desire I’ve had for most of my adult life. Early in my twenties, I would read John of the Cross and desire the “Living Flame of Love.” I would read other mystics, from the “Cloud of Unknowing” written by an anonymous 13th century monk, to modern contemplatives like Merton and Keating. I thirsted for what they said they found in contemplation. Running this path is what God has provided for me. I am not just a runner, I am a spiritual athlete. Running the path of contemplative silence is my essence, my core, the root and ground of my being.
In 1998, out of work for a few months, I heard about a man who sat in a room for a year. I don’t know what he found there, but from him I learned the practice of sitting in silence. The moment I heard of the contemplative silence, I wanted to go and find what I could find. And in that time, I did. I had four months to myself. I could practice spirituality as much as I wanted.
I went to a monastery hoping to continue the mystic contemplative journey; but I found community within the cloister. I found a co-dependent nightmare; attempting to please the 58 other sisters and a novice director who ruled over me.
Now, being unemployed, I am again very focused on the mystic contemplative journey. Difficult to explain, the chance to make the journey into silence is mine now. I am taking it. My most desired dream is of finding God in silent contemplation.
Every marathon or ultramarathon is a journey through some type of terrain, for some outrageously long distance, challenging to body and mind. It contains aid stations and companions making the same journey. It contains doubts and times for resolve to dig down and find the strength to finish. It contains sweat, blisters, heavy breathing and painful quads. Most often, the moment of truth comes near the end. For a marathoner, the last six miles are the moment of truth. For an ultramarathoner, the moment might be during the night, after the seventy-fifth mile.
My mystic contemplative journey is a marathon of silence. Unemployed, I spend many days in my hermitage. I spend the time in silence with my spiritual companion. The journey of silence is through a landscape of thoughts. The world is an illusion. Holding my companion’s hand, I travel in forests of thoughts, clouds of thoughts, and deserts of thoughts. Along the way, I stop at aid stations and pick up nutrition: sacred scripture of my delight.
The journey of silence has the goal of peace. The path goes beyond the thoughts to an undisturbed virgin land of love. In the land of love, my consciousness is love. The land of love is our true home. We are all going home. We get there by running. We all run free and happy as we fling off our ego thoughts. Our bodies become sleek. We carry only what will take us further on our journey, losing whatever holds us back. I offer the Holy Spirit whatever I do not want.
I run through a forest of thoughts. Most of the thoughts are of fear. Amid the many fearful, angry and useless ego thoughts, here or there, I find a sacred thought, one marked especially by my Guide, the Holy Spirit. The sacred thoughts are discerned in a quiet mind.
And so I run. I run through the forest of silence, up the mystic mountain through clouds of mental demons, and burst into the sunlight of the Spirit. There I am transfigured with the truth of God.
I want the journey. I desire to find the knowledge of God or Higher Self. I want to hear the sacred thoughts of love; instead of my ego’s hate. I want to stand on the mountain top in the clear air and bright sunlight and shout “YES!” to All That Is, Joy Itself.
My ACIM lesson today is: “Let every voice but God’s be still in me.” My lesson today brings me to the tree line. Today, here and now, having stilled the ego, I step into the sunlight: God’s One Thought of Love.
Peace be with you as we run together, our hearts overflowing with the unspeakable sweetness of love.
It reminded me of this burning desire I’ve had for most of my adult life. Early in my twenties, I would read John of the Cross and desire the “Living Flame of Love.” I would read other mystics, from the “Cloud of Unknowing” written by an anonymous 13th century monk, to modern contemplatives like Merton and Keating. I thirsted for what they said they found in contemplation. Running this path is what God has provided for me. I am not just a runner, I am a spiritual athlete. Running the path of contemplative silence is my essence, my core, the root and ground of my being.
In 1998, out of work for a few months, I heard about a man who sat in a room for a year. I don’t know what he found there, but from him I learned the practice of sitting in silence. The moment I heard of the contemplative silence, I wanted to go and find what I could find. And in that time, I did. I had four months to myself. I could practice spirituality as much as I wanted.
I went to a monastery hoping to continue the mystic contemplative journey; but I found community within the cloister. I found a co-dependent nightmare; attempting to please the 58 other sisters and a novice director who ruled over me.
Now, being unemployed, I am again very focused on the mystic contemplative journey. Difficult to explain, the chance to make the journey into silence is mine now. I am taking it. My most desired dream is of finding God in silent contemplation.
Every marathon or ultramarathon is a journey through some type of terrain, for some outrageously long distance, challenging to body and mind. It contains aid stations and companions making the same journey. It contains doubts and times for resolve to dig down and find the strength to finish. It contains sweat, blisters, heavy breathing and painful quads. Most often, the moment of truth comes near the end. For a marathoner, the last six miles are the moment of truth. For an ultramarathoner, the moment might be during the night, after the seventy-fifth mile.
My mystic contemplative journey is a marathon of silence. Unemployed, I spend many days in my hermitage. I spend the time in silence with my spiritual companion. The journey of silence is through a landscape of thoughts. The world is an illusion. Holding my companion’s hand, I travel in forests of thoughts, clouds of thoughts, and deserts of thoughts. Along the way, I stop at aid stations and pick up nutrition: sacred scripture of my delight.
The journey of silence has the goal of peace. The path goes beyond the thoughts to an undisturbed virgin land of love. In the land of love, my consciousness is love. The land of love is our true home. We are all going home. We get there by running. We all run free and happy as we fling off our ego thoughts. Our bodies become sleek. We carry only what will take us further on our journey, losing whatever holds us back. I offer the Holy Spirit whatever I do not want.
I run through a forest of thoughts. Most of the thoughts are of fear. Amid the many fearful, angry and useless ego thoughts, here or there, I find a sacred thought, one marked especially by my Guide, the Holy Spirit. The sacred thoughts are discerned in a quiet mind.
And so I run. I run through the forest of silence, up the mystic mountain through clouds of mental demons, and burst into the sunlight of the Spirit. There I am transfigured with the truth of God.
I want the journey. I desire to find the knowledge of God or Higher Self. I want to hear the sacred thoughts of love; instead of my ego’s hate. I want to stand on the mountain top in the clear air and bright sunlight and shout “YES!” to All That Is, Joy Itself.
My ACIM lesson today is: “Let every voice but God’s be still in me.” My lesson today brings me to the tree line. Today, here and now, having stilled the ego, I step into the sunlight: God’s One Thought of Love.
Peace be with you as we run together, our hearts overflowing with the unspeakable sweetness of love.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
More About My Relationship With God
The purpose of the basic text for Alcoholics Anonymous, the Big Book, states that its purpose is to help the alcoholic develop a relationship with a Higher Power on simple and understandable terms. Sometimes, I’m not sure I’ve attained enough humility or self renunciation to have a relationship with God upon which I can absolutely rely. It must be my ego which does not know God and hence remains angry at God.
What does my soul/heart/Self say? If I am honest with myself, my conversation with God always rests in a silent, unfathomable, infinite peace with a knowable consciousness of joy. The ineffable darkness I find in meditation is the pure presence of God; which takes tremendous patience to appreciate. “I don’t know,” are the words which release me. Peace is both the beauty and the agony of God for me.
Today, I had a nice 70 minute run. I've been nursing a newly developed (within the last 2 weeks) runner's knee. I think it is from a) running on a sprained ankle with totally fatigued quads for 4 hours in my race 2 weeks ago; then b) having a 30 mile temper tantrum a week later; plus c) continuing to do alot of hills; and then d) trying out the Nike Free shoes too much. The Free shoes do not provide the support I've been used to. Add up all the factors and you see a sore knee.
So, I also wonder if the exer-bike I quit using 6 weeks ago had actually been doing some strengthening of the quads; which I needed unbeknownst to me. Anyway, besides ice, I have a couple of new quad strengthening exercises to try.
What does my soul/heart/Self say? If I am honest with myself, my conversation with God always rests in a silent, unfathomable, infinite peace with a knowable consciousness of joy. The ineffable darkness I find in meditation is the pure presence of God; which takes tremendous patience to appreciate. “I don’t know,” are the words which release me. Peace is both the beauty and the agony of God for me.
Today, I had a nice 70 minute run. I've been nursing a newly developed (within the last 2 weeks) runner's knee. I think it is from a) running on a sprained ankle with totally fatigued quads for 4 hours in my race 2 weeks ago; then b) having a 30 mile temper tantrum a week later; plus c) continuing to do alot of hills; and then d) trying out the Nike Free shoes too much. The Free shoes do not provide the support I've been used to. Add up all the factors and you see a sore knee.
So, I also wonder if the exer-bike I quit using 6 weeks ago had actually been doing some strengthening of the quads; which I needed unbeknownst to me. Anyway, besides ice, I have a couple of new quad strengthening exercises to try.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Silence of God
What is my relationship with God like?
My relationship with God is described by a two sided nature. One side is inspiration for my worldly life. The other dimension is for relationship with The Mystery of silence, and love of The Mystery.
The silence of God does not provide answers to everyday problems, although the Holy Spirit does assist with these. The silence of God does not provide ecstasy because this would distract from the eternal silence, the true nature of God. Love need not shout. An embrace speaks without sound.
In my contemplation, I fathom the silence of God and find unfathomable silence. I sit with the silence, in the silence. The nothingness grates on my ego, slowly stripping it, diminishing it. I become nothing in this world, freer of ego; and more in the nothingness of silence, where the Holy Spirit can freely direct my worldly life.
The silence is a beast, a suffocating black hole where my ego rages uselessly for specialness.
This silence is The Mystery. The Mystery is completely open, vulnerable, revealed. The Mystery gives itself completely and welcomes me into its being.
The silence is a pool of cool peacefulness, a comfort zone for resting in total love. In the silence, sharing is mutual, unified, wholly an experience of existential love. Fully entered into the pool of love, I have no perception. Though my ego rages at the doorway, silence itself merely awaits my relaxation into the oneness of pure existence.
Stay tuned for more.
My relationship with God is described by a two sided nature. One side is inspiration for my worldly life. The other dimension is for relationship with The Mystery of silence, and love of The Mystery.
The silence of God does not provide answers to everyday problems, although the Holy Spirit does assist with these. The silence of God does not provide ecstasy because this would distract from the eternal silence, the true nature of God. Love need not shout. An embrace speaks without sound.
In my contemplation, I fathom the silence of God and find unfathomable silence. I sit with the silence, in the silence. The nothingness grates on my ego, slowly stripping it, diminishing it. I become nothing in this world, freer of ego; and more in the nothingness of silence, where the Holy Spirit can freely direct my worldly life.
The silence is a beast, a suffocating black hole where my ego rages uselessly for specialness.
This silence is The Mystery. The Mystery is completely open, vulnerable, revealed. The Mystery gives itself completely and welcomes me into its being.
The silence is a pool of cool peacefulness, a comfort zone for resting in total love. In the silence, sharing is mutual, unified, wholly an experience of existential love. Fully entered into the pool of love, I have no perception. Though my ego rages at the doorway, silence itself merely awaits my relaxation into the oneness of pure existence.
Stay tuned for more.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
50 mile training
I am signed up for a 50 mile run on October 10. If I was to follow directions, here is an example of what a training schedule should look like. The x means tempo (I never do formal tempo runs). Where is says, PR, that is where I am signed up to run the Patriots Run, a 9 hour and 11 minute run. I may have to adjust the weekend before to account for this. I am going to try to follow this plan somewhat to ensure I don't over-do things.This week, I ran 64 miles plus about 6 hours of walking.
This morning, I had a beautiful 13 mile run in cool temps and bright sunshine. I said to myself, if today was my last day on earth, I think this is where I'd like to spend it and what I'd like to be doing.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Running the Tour
Wouldn't it be cool to run this course? You can tell you really are a runner if you wish you could!
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