Last night, just before lights out, I finished the book "Jesus" by Deepak Chopra. I was struck by the clever story weaving his own personal belief preferences into his story of Jesus. But, I was again in desolation of Jesus. And a prayer for Jesus went through my mind. Then I was quiet.
What I heard right away in my mind was, "Knowing God doesn't require flashes of bright lights or emotional ecstasy. For the dedicated soul knows quietly inside. This is enough." So, don't discount your spirituality just because you seem not to have had some enlightenment experience. Hang tough with the still small voice and follow its guidance.
This morning, I started Book IV of Aristotle's Metaphysics. I read this, "...we are seeking the first principles and the highest causes, clearly there must be something to which these belong in virtue of its own nature."
Right away, my mind leaped to the "something" as God. Then I was sort of filled with disgust. I thought, "Its such a trap. Everyone wants to know if there is a God." Getting ready to go running, I flipped on NPR. There was a woman Buddhist who had lived in Boulder and known several famous gurus there. I thought then, "Some teachers think they know."
No one knows on this plane; unless they know the silence.
Today, I'm starting lesson 1 from the Course in Miracles workbook: Nothing I see means anything.
Now its off to running on the hills. Then, so exciting, a Canadian is coming to visit me!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Lament - in search of...
In search of blue berries; yes and I want to be my soul too. I am a superficial "me" but I want to be my soul.
What about leaders? They are not followers. “Be true to thyself or thou canst be true to no man.” (Shakespeare?) The leader is not necessarily the manager. The leader does not necessarily make the most money. The leader does not go along with the group. The man with the brown nose and high position in the organization is not a leader. Organizations can fail because they are fooled into thinking conformists are leaders.
I am a leader, but of the sort that doesn’t win at corporate politics. I am a leader because I am willing to make a decision which might be unpopular; do thing differently. Here is an example. Alcoholic beverages are both poison and mind altering. I do not drink them myself as I am unwilling to consciously drink poison or damage my mentality. And I don’t really like being around people who do. To be true to myself, I choose not to observe people drinking alcoholic beverages when possible. This choice can work against me as the drinkers do not like my attitude; and they’d prefer if I just went along and kept my mouth shut. Sometimes I do, but always need to cut my involvement short.
I am an anti-body in society. I am the skinny among the fat. I am the spiritual among the religious. I am the healthful among the sick. I am the female in the male professional group. I am the vegetarian among the meat-eaters. I am the abstinent among the partakers. I am the chaste among the sexually active. I drive my Prius like a sports car. I’m not registered to vote. I don’t own a TV. I have no family. I have no friends (for obvious reasons I hope you can see).
We are in a financial crisis. Companies are not hiring American workers. I think that is because there are none. In fact, “American worker” is like “Military intelligence,” a contradiction in terms. There are many American bar-b-quers and TV watchers and over-eaters and consumers and social welfare recipients; but not really too many workers. We have Mexicans and other immigrants for that.
Today is Saturday. My rolling weekly running mileage total is 69 miles. I ran 23 miles this morning. It was in our first hot and humid weather. Many of the regulars were down there. They had a walk for an organization called “Hands of Hope.” Sort of funny, I don’t know what that group does, but it was worth identifying T-shirts and badges and walking in clusters, chit chatting away. Several were advertising their Christianity or Jesus himself.
Do I sound dour, like didn’t the joy of God escape me? Yes of course this blog is a lament for the magnificence of humankind. I can’t stand the fact that we are so little when we could be glorious.
Selah
What about leaders? They are not followers. “Be true to thyself or thou canst be true to no man.” (Shakespeare?) The leader is not necessarily the manager. The leader does not necessarily make the most money. The leader does not go along with the group. The man with the brown nose and high position in the organization is not a leader. Organizations can fail because they are fooled into thinking conformists are leaders.
I am a leader, but of the sort that doesn’t win at corporate politics. I am a leader because I am willing to make a decision which might be unpopular; do thing differently. Here is an example. Alcoholic beverages are both poison and mind altering. I do not drink them myself as I am unwilling to consciously drink poison or damage my mentality. And I don’t really like being around people who do. To be true to myself, I choose not to observe people drinking alcoholic beverages when possible. This choice can work against me as the drinkers do not like my attitude; and they’d prefer if I just went along and kept my mouth shut. Sometimes I do, but always need to cut my involvement short.
I am an anti-body in society. I am the skinny among the fat. I am the spiritual among the religious. I am the healthful among the sick. I am the female in the male professional group. I am the vegetarian among the meat-eaters. I am the abstinent among the partakers. I am the chaste among the sexually active. I drive my Prius like a sports car. I’m not registered to vote. I don’t own a TV. I have no family. I have no friends (for obvious reasons I hope you can see).
We are in a financial crisis. Companies are not hiring American workers. I think that is because there are none. In fact, “American worker” is like “Military intelligence,” a contradiction in terms. There are many American bar-b-quers and TV watchers and over-eaters and consumers and social welfare recipients; but not really too many workers. We have Mexicans and other immigrants for that.
Today is Saturday. My rolling weekly running mileage total is 69 miles. I ran 23 miles this morning. It was in our first hot and humid weather. Many of the regulars were down there. They had a walk for an organization called “Hands of Hope.” Sort of funny, I don’t know what that group does, but it was worth identifying T-shirts and badges and walking in clusters, chit chatting away. Several were advertising their Christianity or Jesus himself.
Do I sound dour, like didn’t the joy of God escape me? Yes of course this blog is a lament for the magnificence of humankind. I can’t stand the fact that we are so little when we could be glorious.
Selah
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Deciphering Aristotle
Today is Thursday. I returned home from my business trip last night; so this morning, I returned to my regular routine. I got up at 3:15 and spent the first 45 minutes in spiritual study and meditation. Then, I went running for an hour on hills.
I'm not sure you could call Aristotle's "Metaphysics" very spiritual. But philosophies which delve into the origin of being necessarily concern themselves with a first cause. Most of us think this first cause is God.
I'm pretty sure that I mainly have no idea what Aristotle is really saying; and I don't think the translation I have could be accurate. But here is the connection I made for myself. I, as a unique personality (soul), had to have come from somewhere; hence there must be a Source (God) which spawned my soul. To add to that, I'll mention that Paul Brunton, whose essays I am also reading, says that we can connect with a higher intelligence but the higher intelligence is not God (Source). Perhaps the higher intelligence is a step towards God, but not God.
I now define what I mean by "spirituality." This higher intelligence is not physical so I will call it spiritual. My spirituality is the learning about and connecting with this spiritual higher intelligence. Some call this spiritual intelligence: Holy Spirit, Higher Self, Overself, Atman, Tao, Essence, even Jesus is at times considered this spiritual intelligence.
When I turn my will and my life over to a power greater than myself, I mean this higher intelligence; not God. I surrender to this higher intelligence because it does a better job of running my life and telling me what my life means than my individual ego. My ego is not my soul. I consider my ego as soul sickness manifested as conscious delusion.
I'm not sure you could call Aristotle's "Metaphysics" very spiritual. But philosophies which delve into the origin of being necessarily concern themselves with a first cause. Most of us think this first cause is God.
I'm pretty sure that I mainly have no idea what Aristotle is really saying; and I don't think the translation I have could be accurate. But here is the connection I made for myself. I, as a unique personality (soul), had to have come from somewhere; hence there must be a Source (God) which spawned my soul. To add to that, I'll mention that Paul Brunton, whose essays I am also reading, says that we can connect with a higher intelligence but the higher intelligence is not God (Source). Perhaps the higher intelligence is a step towards God, but not God.
I now define what I mean by "spirituality." This higher intelligence is not physical so I will call it spiritual. My spirituality is the learning about and connecting with this spiritual higher intelligence. Some call this spiritual intelligence: Holy Spirit, Higher Self, Overself, Atman, Tao, Essence, even Jesus is at times considered this spiritual intelligence.
When I turn my will and my life over to a power greater than myself, I mean this higher intelligence; not God. I surrender to this higher intelligence because it does a better job of running my life and telling me what my life means than my individual ego. My ego is not my soul. I consider my ego as soul sickness manifested as conscious delusion.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
In My Mind
From Paul Brunton:
"It lies in your mind whether or not you shall make something worthwhile of your life."
This is because the world is an illusion and what I see is my own thoughts.
"He will discover how much his environment, even his work, is a projection of his personality and of the thoughts that go to make it."
Ultra Monk, do you have no reflection to go with this?
Not really. I am hanging out in Memphis, hoping Delta Airlines can deliver me home soon. I got three computer based training modules done, as well as help some Delta gate agents answer one of theirs. We all agree that no matter our company, the training is pretty bogus. I sent an e-mail to my company informing them of their errors.
Now, I am practicing what I wrote above: the world is made of my thoughts and I can think differently.
"It lies in your mind whether or not you shall make something worthwhile of your life."
This is because the world is an illusion and what I see is my own thoughts.
"He will discover how much his environment, even his work, is a projection of his personality and of the thoughts that go to make it."
Ultra Monk, do you have no reflection to go with this?
Not really. I am hanging out in Memphis, hoping Delta Airlines can deliver me home soon. I got three computer based training modules done, as well as help some Delta gate agents answer one of theirs. We all agree that no matter our company, the training is pretty bogus. I sent an e-mail to my company informing them of their errors.
Now, I am practicing what I wrote above: the world is made of my thoughts and I can think differently.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Road Trip - Raleigh Durham
I walk through the airport, a very bland person. I use the restroom. Usually some lady tells me this is the ladies room; meaning, aren't I a guy?
I don't look very much like a girl. Yesterday, I wore a pink shirt and that helped.
In my hotel last night, I wondered, "Who am I and why am I here?" The nature of my spirituality is gazing. I gaze inward and admire the love which resides there, asking for nothing.
I worry about things. Mostly, regarding work, I worry that I won't go along with certain social activities because I sincerely think it they are a degradation of the human spirit. The mental conflict between not-going-along and staying true to myself is annoying and frightening. This tension shows that I live mentally in this world. I'm not some advanced spiritualist. But I can step back and also remember trust in my soul, that inner love I spoke of just the last paragraph. That I am able to separate at all shows some spiritual identification.
The worry over going to dinner or not represents my ideas and fears. The situation is an illusion made by me. When I remember that, I'm in a much better position to correct my thinking and heal the roots of the problem. The problem is not what the others think of me, but the inner fear I carry. Fear, not of them, but of God.
I don't look very much like a girl. Yesterday, I wore a pink shirt and that helped.
In my hotel last night, I wondered, "Who am I and why am I here?" The nature of my spirituality is gazing. I gaze inward and admire the love which resides there, asking for nothing.
I worry about things. Mostly, regarding work, I worry that I won't go along with certain social activities because I sincerely think it they are a degradation of the human spirit. The mental conflict between not-going-along and staying true to myself is annoying and frightening. This tension shows that I live mentally in this world. I'm not some advanced spiritualist. But I can step back and also remember trust in my soul, that inner love I spoke of just the last paragraph. That I am able to separate at all shows some spiritual identification.
The worry over going to dinner or not represents my ideas and fears. The situation is an illusion made by me. When I remember that, I'm in a much better position to correct my thinking and heal the roots of the problem. The problem is not what the others think of me, but the inner fear I carry. Fear, not of them, but of God.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Go'in to the Rock
The Rock is Christ; who I believe is in me and you. And always has been. The Rock is my essence, my inner being, the Love in my heart, the life of my soul. I touch it so vaguely, yet I continue to believe it is truly there.
I've been paying attention to my inner being. I need this strength.
I made it to chapter 2 of Aristotle's "Metaphysics." At the end of chapter 1 he says, "It is evident then...that all men seem to seek the causes ...but they seek vaguely..." And to start chapter 2, "The investigation of the truth...since the truth seems to be like the proverbial door, which no one can fail to hit...but the fact that we can have a whole truth and not the particular part we aim at shows the difficulty of it." And, "For as the eyes of bats are to the blaze of day, so is the reason in our soul to the things which are by nature most evident of all."
Hummm....food for thought!
I've continued my running and working out since the 50 mile endurance run. Today, I ran 19 miles on a trail. It took 3 hours to feel the deeper tiredness. At that point, I could also feel the infinity of the long distance runner.
So I ran another hour and a quarter after that.
I've been paying attention to my inner being. I need this strength.
I made it to chapter 2 of Aristotle's "Metaphysics." At the end of chapter 1 he says, "It is evident then...that all men seem to seek the causes ...but they seek vaguely..." And to start chapter 2, "The investigation of the truth...since the truth seems to be like the proverbial door, which no one can fail to hit...but the fact that we can have a whole truth and not the particular part we aim at shows the difficulty of it." And, "For as the eyes of bats are to the blaze of day, so is the reason in our soul to the things which are by nature most evident of all."
Hummm....food for thought!
I've continued my running and working out since the 50 mile endurance run. Today, I ran 19 miles on a trail. It took 3 hours to feel the deeper tiredness. At that point, I could also feel the infinity of the long distance runner.
So I ran another hour and a quarter after that.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Leadership Musings
I am an engineer. I am an ex-nun who maintains a contemplative outlook on secular life. I am an outstanding example of physical fitness. These are examples of areas where I seem to be a leader.
I love the word "leadership." Leadership connects synapses in a way that I become eager. I've spent a week (since starting this blog) wondering why?
I can look it up in a book. I can watch videos from our corporate executives. But if the seed isn't in my heart, I can't be it.
A leader is something you are. It is something you can learn more about and get better at; grow. But what you are really doing is a process of becoming and being. As the process progresses, what I am becoming must feed my soul. If my soul isn't nourished, it won't work.
Speaking of my soul, while I was out running this morning, I was thinking about what it means to live life on a spiritual basis. I keep searching inward, to partner and join that essence, that energy, that inner being. I love that inner being. The seed of leadership and the essence of my soul may be one and the same thing.
I've been reading Aristotle. It confuses the heck out of me, but that is exactly why I read it. As I concentrate on trying to figure out a meaning, I am connecting synapses which haven't been used before. I am using more of my brain and mind. I've also been reading some essays by Paul Brunton. For whatever reason, I needed Mr Brunton to validate my solitary journey. I needed someone to agree that you can progress spiritually without a guru or by following any particular sect. It is sort of a duh moment: if God is a higher power, then he is perfectly capable of contacting anyone open to the contact. I was so convinced by churches and books by "masters" that I couldn't go it alone. But going it alone is my style. Accepting my solitary journey is part of my recovery from monasticism and Catholicism.
I like inner workouts more than outer ones. I feel much better about myself when I listen only to the inner and not to what others think or say I should do.
I love the word "leadership." Leadership connects synapses in a way that I become eager. I've spent a week (since starting this blog) wondering why?
I can look it up in a book. I can watch videos from our corporate executives. But if the seed isn't in my heart, I can't be it.
A leader is something you are. It is something you can learn more about and get better at; grow. But what you are really doing is a process of becoming and being. As the process progresses, what I am becoming must feed my soul. If my soul isn't nourished, it won't work.
Speaking of my soul, while I was out running this morning, I was thinking about what it means to live life on a spiritual basis. I keep searching inward, to partner and join that essence, that energy, that inner being. I love that inner being. The seed of leadership and the essence of my soul may be one and the same thing.
I've been reading Aristotle. It confuses the heck out of me, but that is exactly why I read it. As I concentrate on trying to figure out a meaning, I am connecting synapses which haven't been used before. I am using more of my brain and mind. I've also been reading some essays by Paul Brunton. For whatever reason, I needed Mr Brunton to validate my solitary journey. I needed someone to agree that you can progress spiritually without a guru or by following any particular sect. It is sort of a duh moment: if God is a higher power, then he is perfectly capable of contacting anyone open to the contact. I was so convinced by churches and books by "masters" that I couldn't go it alone. But going it alone is my style. Accepting my solitary journey is part of my recovery from monasticism and Catholicism.
I like inner workouts more than outer ones. I feel much better about myself when I listen only to the inner and not to what others think or say I should do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)