Self Transcendence plus...

....plus leadership.

Currently, in Flushing Meadow NY, a 6 and 10 day multi-day is ongoing (Sri Chinmoy Self Transcendence races). Here in North Carolina, I am at a leadership institute. In A Course in Miracles, I am continuing to understand that what I see is my projection. I am continuing to understand that I can stop using my body's eyes and see with the Christ Vision, from within seeing a world of love.

And, to use Christ Vision, I deny my ego's thoughts. Denying the ego is a practice. Each time I go through the ACIM workbook, or through my daily text study, I get better at discounting my ego thoughts.

You might think that a leadership institute is for spring chickens, those with 20 more years of career to climb corporate ladders. I have struggled with this myself as I don't really plan on working 20 more years. But leadership and career enrichment is for always. Age is not part of the leadership equation unless you want it to be.

My concern is daily leadership not career or financial goals. I am interested in who I am as a person and am I contributing to the High Performance Culture. I have much to contribute and much energy to channel. It is a gift for me to be here.

I think that the people running in Flushing Meadow are an extreme example of what I can do each day: transcend my ego. I transcend my ego in order to identify with the inner divine being. Sometimes I run laps. Sometimes I go to work. Its all the perception and consciousness with which I choose to live: Christ or ego. The choice is up to me. When I choose Christ, the tools and experiences come for me to learn.

I jogged 30 minutes this morning.

Lament - in search of...

In search of blue berries; yes and I want to be my soul too. I am a superficial "me" but I want to be my soul.


What about leaders? They are not followers. “Be true to thyself or thou canst be true to no man.” (Shakespeare?) The leader is not necessarily the manager. The leader does not necessarily make the most money. The leader does not go along with the group. The man with the brown nose and high position in the organization is not a leader. Organizations can fail because they are fooled into thinking conformists are leaders.

I am a leader, but of the sort that doesn’t win at corporate politics. I am a leader because I am willing to make a decision which might be unpopular; do thing differently. Here is an example. Alcoholic beverages are both poison and mind altering. I do not drink them myself as I am unwilling to consciously drink poison or damage my mentality. And I don’t really like being around people who do. To be true to myself, I choose not to observe people drinking alcoholic beverages when possible. This choice can work against me as the drinkers do not like my attitude; and they’d prefer if I just went along and kept my mouth shut. Sometimes I do, but always need to cut my involvement short.

I am an anti-body in society. I am the skinny among the fat. I am the spiritual among the religious. I am the healthful among the sick. I am the female in the male professional group. I am the vegetarian among the meat-eaters. I am the abstinent among the partakers. I am the chaste among the sexually active. I drive my Prius like a sports car. I’m not registered to vote. I don’t own a TV. I have no family. I have no friends (for obvious reasons I hope you can see).

We are in a financial crisis. Companies are not hiring American workers. I think that is because there are none. In fact, “American worker” is like “Military intelligence,” a contradiction in terms. There are many American bar-b-quers and TV watchers and over-eaters and consumers and social welfare recipients; but not really too many workers. We have Mexicans and other immigrants for that.

Today is Saturday. My rolling weekly running mileage total is 69 miles. I ran 23 miles this morning. It was in our first hot and humid weather. Many of the regulars were down there. They had a walk for an organization called “Hands of Hope.” Sort of funny, I don’t know what that group does, but it was worth identifying T-shirts and badges and walking in clusters, chit chatting away. Several were advertising their Christianity or Jesus himself.

Do I sound dour, like didn’t the joy of God escape me? Yes of course this blog is a lament for the magnificence of humankind. I can’t stand the fact that we are so little when we could be glorious.

Selah

Leadership Musings

I am an engineer. I am an ex-nun who maintains a contemplative outlook on secular life. I am an outstanding example of physical fitness. These are examples of areas where I seem to be a leader.

I love the word "leadership." Leadership connects synapses in a way that I become eager. I've spent a week (since starting this blog) wondering why?

I can look it up in a book. I can watch videos from our corporate executives. But if the seed isn't in my heart, I can't be it.

A leader is something you are. It is something you can learn more about and get better at; grow. But what you are really doing is a process of becoming and being. As the process progresses, what I am becoming must feed my soul. If my soul isn't nourished, it won't work.

Speaking of my soul, while I was out running this morning, I was thinking about what it means to live life on a spiritual basis. I keep searching inward, to partner and join that essence, that energy, that inner being. I love that inner being. The seed of leadership and the essence of my soul may be one and the same thing.

I've been reading Aristotle. It confuses the heck out of me, but that is exactly why I read it. As I concentrate on trying to figure out a meaning, I am connecting synapses which haven't been used before. I am using more of my brain and mind. I've also been reading some essays by Paul Brunton. For whatever reason, I needed Mr Brunton to validate my solitary journey. I needed someone to agree that you can progress spiritually without a guru or by following any particular sect. It is sort of a duh moment: if God is a higher power, then he is perfectly capable of contacting anyone open to the contact. I was so convinced by churches and books by "masters" that I couldn't go it alone. But going it alone is my style. Accepting my solitary journey is part of my recovery from monasticism and Catholicism.

I like inner workouts more than outer ones. I feel much better about myself when I listen only to the inner and not to what others think or say I should do.

Sudden and Spontaneous Conversion

I've been reading William James "Varieties of Religious Experience." He gives many examples and makes it quite clear that God's pattern of individual enlightenment, or conversion as he calls it, is this: desperate deep despair of sin, surrender, spontaneous salvation. Most of his examples are not of people who spent years in monasteries, or in self study, and achieved God's favor. In fact, most of his examples are of the ungodly.

And so yesterday evening, as I spoke quietly to what ever voice speaks to me, I expressed my disappointment and resentment. I have wanted enlightenment ever since the moment on a Jerusalem street when I first desired God-at-all (more than 25 years ago).

The voice replied, "this does not negate your simple practice of listening and waiting." In other words, "Be still and know," as the Psalmist said, is a valid and real thing to do. The embodiment of inner peace is a real connection with God. It doesn't carry the emotional liberation of spontaneous enlightenment/ conversion. As I write this blog, I realize that the listening practice carries cosmic implications of which I am unaware.

I live on faith alone, practicing the silent waiting. I continually offer up my resentment that I have not received spontaneous conversion. I have not reached the depths of despair which seem necessary for conversion. I realize that I cannot self generate despair. But I accept the grace full life and present peace given by the Spirit of the Lord to me today. Its possible I view the quiet continuously present inner connection with Spirit as a "better than nothing" option. That sounds terrible to realize that I resent God because God is present to me, but not giving me special experience.

I slept late today as I am going to a workshop. Today I enter a new relationship. I am to officially become a mentee. Yes, my company is having a day long workshop with a group of us entering these relationships. My fellow mentees are an awesome group of individuals. Several of them will also be part of the Passport Leadership Program which starts in April. I am among a great group. I am humble because I don't feel worthy.

So, on the one hand is resentment for lack of enlightenment. On the other hand is a great gift of relationship and learning experiences. I sit still in the middle, waiting and listening.

Tomorrow night is the Aslinger Endurance run. I am resting from workouts today and tomorrow I'll drive to the race site. Who knows what a night of running will hold. Races are always holy environments for me.