....on silence and on joy.
Miracle principal 4: "All miracles mean life, and God is the Giver of life. His Voice will direct you very specifically. You will be told all you need to know."
ACIM text 7.IX.1: "The Holy Spirit will always guide you truly, because your joy is His. This is His Will for everyone because He speaks for the Kingdom of God, which is joy."
Have the courage of your convictions.
I believe in silence because that is where I hear the Holy Spirit best. Above all else I want my primary life relationship to be with the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is where my guidance and comfort comes from. The Holy Spirit is my connection to God. Above all else, I can't go through life without my connection to God.
If you feel joyful, know that you are living the Kingdom, that Heaven has manifested in your heart. Stand by the joy. Don't let your ego or anyone else's trounce on joy. Gandhi said, "Be the change...." Ultra Monk says, "be the joy..." The change we need is joy. The world needs people who choose joy.
If I don't seem to have joy, know that my ego has trounced on it. But I use spiritual means to return to joy. Joy is my natural state. Joy is my God given life. Joy is what I am in the real world; beyond the dream, beyond the ego illusion we call this world. If I am the joy, I have left the world; but yet I am still available to my brothers in this world to join with me in Heaven.
I have spent most of my life in the doldrums. But now that I have felt joy, I intend to stand my ground there.
Joy is a choice followed up with spiritual action. It doesn't matter which spiritual action as long as it is the one given you by the Holy Spirit. Hence, silence. Go to silence and wait there. Listen to the silence for the answers. Stand on silence. Silence gives you the Voice for God, the Holy Spirit. The Voice for God gives you the path to joy. Insist on joy. Follow the path.
I lifted weights this morning; left me quivering. I went early to work. Walking through the parking lot, I felt gratitude. I said thank you. Walking up the stairs, I felt the presence of the Son of God. I said thank you.
Joy is a thing more awesome than words. I am a 50 something mature woman athlete. I firmly state: I get to be a successful athlete because of my spiritual workouts. Yes, I also do worldly workouts; but it starts with spirit. Without strengthening the presence of spirit, I have no mojo for athletics. Mojo is merely a reflection of spiritual joy; which is a far greater commodity. Spiritual joy means everything. Experiencing spiritual joy in this world is the only thing that matters.
If I feel joy, then feel gratitude to the Son of God, then I am sharing my joy and gratitude with everyone. Shared joy and gratitude is Heaven.
This evening I hope to try something new. My new set of micro-spikes should be delivered today (FedEx indicates they are in KC). I will have them after work. I will then go to an easy trail and do a snow run for an hour or two, return home and finish off the workout until I get to 3 hours. Then tomorrow, I need mental fortitude to do another 5 hours of workout. The purpose of this is to reel in that 50 miles of health and happiness, not destruction.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Purpose of My Life in Particular
This morning, and for the past 3 days, I've had some totally wonderful early morning running. The streets have hard packed snow and it is very cold; but for some reason I've thoroughly enjoyed this time. I've had no pains and I've felt like I could run forever.
My alarm goes off at 3:30 am. I get up and spend the first hour with my spiritual reading of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). I talk to Jesus. I listen intently to the silence. The question always arises in my mind, "Have I heard anything?" This question is the ego's question; and no, the ego hasn't heard a thing. But if I will trust the deeper part of my mind, the something else part of my consciousness, I'll find that I have indeed heard and accepted the inspiration which is always given.
But how do I know? I want to know.
Usually when I get to this point in my reflecting, I stop and go work out. This morning, I bundled up and went running (oh so sweet). I ran for 94 minutes.
After the run, getting ready for my shower, my mind flashed on how I had been a contractor for my current employer more than 10 years ago. Then gone off to the monastery for 4 years. Then got kicked out of the monastery and have lived in the secular world for the past 7 years. How I'm glad I don't live in the monastery because I really didn't like community life and much prefer being an athlete. How, I now work for my current employer and deal with all the daily ups and downs of that.
I grew up in a difficult parental situation; so I couldn't rely on my parents for many of the standard things and had to be self sufficient more than many children. I never got married although I certainly tried when I was younger; my motive was finding someone to take care of me. Then, I picked a stable monastic institution because I wanted 3 hots and a cot for life. But, really, I've been on my own most of my life and that situation promises to continue. But when ever I seem to need a job or another person to help me out, the resources are there.
Then my key thought was this: What if the purpose of my life is to experience God's love for me?
What I mean is that I have never been able to build stability into my life (like by having a husband and family who are always there for you, or living in a huge old brick convent where sisters and care givers are always there for you). I have a good career but the way I have obtained jobs and moved from job to job every 3 to 5 years, is very miraculous. I thought about my situation now. I make a good salary but over half of it never makes it into my checking account. I rent an apartment so I am not gaining worth from a monthly payment. I buy running stuff like crazy and am not really saving any after-tax money. This is anti-middle-class-American-consumer to not buy a house if you are a professional with my salary.
But I realized that God will always love me and care for me and give me what I need. That is the point of my life: trust God. I can't carry out this mission except by living without many of the social structures others rely on.
The point of my life is not to be rich or famous or a brain surgeon or an elite athlete or a holy vowed religious. It is to trust God. ACIM does say what a persons purpose is. It doesn't exactly say "just trust God." So when I say that my purpose is to know God loves me and actually does care for me, I am not parroting something I read or was taught. I am stating a thought which came from the inside. I am stating the bed rock of who I am. The truth of my existence is that I am a well loved creation and as such, I need do nothing. But humans have a very difficult time with the task of letting go and letting God; and believing that it was God's love which provided. One again, my purpose is to EXPERIENCE God's total unequivocal, unending, unchanging eternal Love for me. Period.
My purpose brings me back to my litany. I try to meditate on that twice a day. It takes desire and patience to do this. But it is spiritualizing my brain such that I identify more with God than the dream of this world. My litany is something of an ACIM creed. Some day, I will get around to explaining line-by-line what this means, but for now, here it is again:
Father in Jesus' name remind me of
Your love for me and of my love for You.
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
I am spirit. Know this can't hurt me.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Expanding love is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
Giving and receiving are the same.
Full appreciation is my gift.
The innocent see perfection truly.
Christ Vision is our one and only sight.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
The Holy Spirit is my choice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
Into Your Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to His peace.
Truth is my commitment. I am joy.
Love is my intention. So I bless.
Love-based thinking is my one desire.
Inner peace is what I really want.
(I typed this whole thing; not cut and paste)
My alarm goes off at 3:30 am. I get up and spend the first hour with my spiritual reading of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). I talk to Jesus. I listen intently to the silence. The question always arises in my mind, "Have I heard anything?" This question is the ego's question; and no, the ego hasn't heard a thing. But if I will trust the deeper part of my mind, the something else part of my consciousness, I'll find that I have indeed heard and accepted the inspiration which is always given.
But how do I know? I want to know.
Usually when I get to this point in my reflecting, I stop and go work out. This morning, I bundled up and went running (oh so sweet). I ran for 94 minutes.
After the run, getting ready for my shower, my mind flashed on how I had been a contractor for my current employer more than 10 years ago. Then gone off to the monastery for 4 years. Then got kicked out of the monastery and have lived in the secular world for the past 7 years. How I'm glad I don't live in the monastery because I really didn't like community life and much prefer being an athlete. How, I now work for my current employer and deal with all the daily ups and downs of that.
I grew up in a difficult parental situation; so I couldn't rely on my parents for many of the standard things and had to be self sufficient more than many children. I never got married although I certainly tried when I was younger; my motive was finding someone to take care of me. Then, I picked a stable monastic institution because I wanted 3 hots and a cot for life. But, really, I've been on my own most of my life and that situation promises to continue. But when ever I seem to need a job or another person to help me out, the resources are there.
Then my key thought was this: What if the purpose of my life is to experience God's love for me?
What I mean is that I have never been able to build stability into my life (like by having a husband and family who are always there for you, or living in a huge old brick convent where sisters and care givers are always there for you). I have a good career but the way I have obtained jobs and moved from job to job every 3 to 5 years, is very miraculous. I thought about my situation now. I make a good salary but over half of it never makes it into my checking account. I rent an apartment so I am not gaining worth from a monthly payment. I buy running stuff like crazy and am not really saving any after-tax money. This is anti-middle-class-American-consumer to not buy a house if you are a professional with my salary.
But I realized that God will always love me and care for me and give me what I need. That is the point of my life: trust God. I can't carry out this mission except by living without many of the social structures others rely on.
The point of my life is not to be rich or famous or a brain surgeon or an elite athlete or a holy vowed religious. It is to trust God. ACIM does say what a persons purpose is. It doesn't exactly say "just trust God." So when I say that my purpose is to know God loves me and actually does care for me, I am not parroting something I read or was taught. I am stating a thought which came from the inside. I am stating the bed rock of who I am. The truth of my existence is that I am a well loved creation and as such, I need do nothing. But humans have a very difficult time with the task of letting go and letting God; and believing that it was God's love which provided. One again, my purpose is to EXPERIENCE God's total unequivocal, unending, unchanging eternal Love for me. Period.
My purpose brings me back to my litany. I try to meditate on that twice a day. It takes desire and patience to do this. But it is spiritualizing my brain such that I identify more with God than the dream of this world. My litany is something of an ACIM creed. Some day, I will get around to explaining line-by-line what this means, but for now, here it is again:
Father in Jesus' name remind me of
Your love for me and of my love for You.
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
I am spirit. Know this can't hurt me.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Expanding love is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
Giving and receiving are the same.
Full appreciation is my gift.
The innocent see perfection truly.
Christ Vision is our one and only sight.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
The Holy Spirit is my choice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
Into Your Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to His peace.
Truth is my commitment. I am joy.
Love is my intention. So I bless.
Love-based thinking is my one desire.
Inner peace is what I really want.
(I typed this whole thing; not cut and paste)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Yakking in the Early Morning Snow
Today I feel like total Joy!
What's not to love about a run on snowy streets, too early for cars, briskly cold January in the Midwest, yak trax on the shoes. OMG, so wonderful to spend 80 minutes just jogging, being outside, too early for disturbances. Wonderful! A morning like this is part of what I love about running. I had no ambitions, just happy to be out there sucking cold air.
I, Ultra Monk, have signed up for yet another race: Howard Aslinger Endurance Run, in Cape Girardeau Missouri in mid-March: 12 hours of bliss.
Well, when I ran that 3:51 marathon in December, I sort of met my speed goal for the year. So my attention has gone back to ultra distances. My aim is to workout in such a way that 50 miles of running doesn't totally devastate my body. That is, I want to bring about 10 hours of running inside my training envelope.
This means that I will start to have extended workouts on Friday nights (since the Aslinger run starts at 7 pm). And I will continue to use ex-machines to increase endurance time. Slowly, the running time should increase too. Eventually, 8 to 10 hours of jogging should be "no big deal."
The 100 mile ultra runners who are at the top of the sport run far more miles than I do. Somehow, having to go to work interferes with my running these massive miles. Many 100 mile finisher-types just load up on weekends; but they have a skill of ignoring pain. I don't have that skill. In fact, I'm not interested in destroying my body because I ignored the pain for long enough to finish a race.
My interest is in building my body more. That's the difference. I found out that I can run about 7.5 hours without the destructive feeling I got at 9.5 hours. So I plan to train in order to push that destructive point out further. I have ideas for doing this which may be stupid in the minds of some more experienced ultra runners. But I think they will work for me.
Selah!
What's not to love about a run on snowy streets, too early for cars, briskly cold January in the Midwest, yak trax on the shoes. OMG, so wonderful to spend 80 minutes just jogging, being outside, too early for disturbances. Wonderful! A morning like this is part of what I love about running. I had no ambitions, just happy to be out there sucking cold air.
I, Ultra Monk, have signed up for yet another race: Howard Aslinger Endurance Run, in Cape Girardeau Missouri in mid-March: 12 hours of bliss.
Well, when I ran that 3:51 marathon in December, I sort of met my speed goal for the year. So my attention has gone back to ultra distances. My aim is to workout in such a way that 50 miles of running doesn't totally devastate my body. That is, I want to bring about 10 hours of running inside my training envelope.
This means that I will start to have extended workouts on Friday nights (since the Aslinger run starts at 7 pm). And I will continue to use ex-machines to increase endurance time. Slowly, the running time should increase too. Eventually, 8 to 10 hours of jogging should be "no big deal."
The 100 mile ultra runners who are at the top of the sport run far more miles than I do. Somehow, having to go to work interferes with my running these massive miles. Many 100 mile finisher-types just load up on weekends; but they have a skill of ignoring pain. I don't have that skill. In fact, I'm not interested in destroying my body because I ignored the pain for long enough to finish a race.
My interest is in building my body more. That's the difference. I found out that I can run about 7.5 hours without the destructive feeling I got at 9.5 hours. So I plan to train in order to push that destructive point out further. I have ideas for doing this which may be stupid in the minds of some more experienced ultra runners. But I think they will work for me.
Selah!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Colleen's Fat Ass - Reflection on a Cold January Night
Here is my reflection:
Ultra running, for me, is not primarily about speed; not like shorter road races are. Ultra running is completely inexplicable; especially to the non-running public. While some non-runners might say, “Wow, you ran 50 miles. That is awesome.” They actually have no idea what that means or what it feels like or why you did it. The purpose of ultra running, for me, isn’t about a sense of accomplishment or honor or award.
I don’t speak for others, and most other ultra runners are far more accomplished than me. I am barely an ultra runner distance-wise. But in so far as most 50k’s (31 miles) are run on courses much more difficult than a road marathon, that additional 2 or 3 hours and additional challenge to legs muscles, is what turns the run into an ultra for me. Plus the resultant and dramatic physical destruction. Plus the seeming nonsense of the endeavor.
Potential ultra runners think ultra running will solve their sense of boredom with road marathons by adding an additional notch in their belt. For me, the idea germinated and has always grown in a desire to go beyond my rational ego mind by taking the body beyond its training envelope and beyond its logical capability. What I find in this beyond place is almost impossible to have a conversation about. Such conversation always seem to de-generate into a worldly discussion of distance and time and placing and schwag. This degeneration frustrates me because the worldly things mean nothing. However, when I meet another ultra runner, its possible to say nothing but connect on the thought level; where we have an entire sharing of meaning without a word having been spoken. The meaning of ultra running cannot be explained, but it can be shared by connections made beyond words
There is nothing to brag about for me; and that is what my ego hates. In fact, I don’t think I have officially “finished” an ultra in several races. So can I cut to the chase: Why would I value the result of a futile effort so much that I put up with the pain of it over and over? I just spent nearly 7 hours of a cold windy January night jogging in a tiny pool of light, having no idea where I was or where I was going or what for. On the trail, where my legs are far more challenged than on a road, it took me several hours to bring my body to the brink of destruction. The first lap found me lost and confused and angry as twice I lost the trail. I fell down once. I peed in a cold outhouse by choice because I didn’t want to go into the warmer restroom. Each lap I put a mark by my name on the chart.
As time wore on and my body wore down, I lived a very simple and elemental existence. Alone in the dark, my thoughts ranged as follows: I hope I don’t trip this time (I tripped 7 times at the exact same spot over something I never could see, but on the last 2 laps, I used an extra hand held light at that place. I never saw what I tripped over, but didn’t trip on the last 2 laps); I hope I don’t get lost (well after 2 laps, while the pink flags were still my security blanket, I was guided by the landmarks of the footing, various rocks and such); Should I eat my Power Bar now? (too late, it is frozen and I hope I don’t break a tooth trying to bite it); Is it time to pee? (I hate stopping, but oh well, it must be done).
I have NOT thought about the ego’s world: work, co-workers, money, retirement plans, health care plans, Boston qualification, age group awards, why I am not rich or famous or a vowed religious.
I did the journey to the ultra runner’s nether world and the secret of the ineffable. The nonsensical infinite timelessness of the intangible formlessness calls me over and over.
I keep answering the call.
Friday, January 7, 2011
50k Fat Ass - Prelude
Tonight, I am going to a park in Kansas where I hope to run 50k. I don't know if I will run 50k. That depends.
I am about to enter a long dark cold night. I am about to go against the grain of my comfort zone. I am about to be antithetical to ordinary society's penchant for sloth and gluttony.
Friday night: most of society will be having large dinners, maybe a few alcoholic beverages, maybe watching TV, maybe dealing with the kids, maybe snuggling in a warm bed. Most of society will be immersed in comfort and complacency; slowly dieing in their living rooms mesmerized by TV.
I don't like being cold. I don't like missing sleep. I don't like being shaken out of my routine. This is a fat ass race. That means there is no schwag, no results, no awards, no winners. The ego gets nothing. Basically, ultra-running is about stripping the ego of its control and identity so that you can find out who you are really.
In the night, there is a spot of light from my headlamp, a bit of trail, my water bottle and some gel. I am swathed in fleece and gortex; filled with whatever warmth I can generate from my own existence. I become a bubble of life in a cold dark void. As such, I am reduced to mind, to elemental being-ness; thoughts and feelings and the urge to live. It is a void ripe for negative ego attack. The ego always asks why. It is a journey through darkness to light. It is a practice of endurance, commitment and hope. The spirit never doubts. If I become what I am, Life, then the hope is fulfilled.
There are no illusions in the darkness. It is a nebulous world, an existence of raw oneness. It is either peace or fear, love or hate. I'm going to be 52 in a few days. I've decided that this is not the year when I will lay down and die.
I get to choose. Choose Life.
I am about to enter a long dark cold night. I am about to go against the grain of my comfort zone. I am about to be antithetical to ordinary society's penchant for sloth and gluttony.
Friday night: most of society will be having large dinners, maybe a few alcoholic beverages, maybe watching TV, maybe dealing with the kids, maybe snuggling in a warm bed. Most of society will be immersed in comfort and complacency; slowly dieing in their living rooms mesmerized by TV.
I don't like being cold. I don't like missing sleep. I don't like being shaken out of my routine. This is a fat ass race. That means there is no schwag, no results, no awards, no winners. The ego gets nothing. Basically, ultra-running is about stripping the ego of its control and identity so that you can find out who you are really.
In the night, there is a spot of light from my headlamp, a bit of trail, my water bottle and some gel. I am swathed in fleece and gortex; filled with whatever warmth I can generate from my own existence. I become a bubble of life in a cold dark void. As such, I am reduced to mind, to elemental being-ness; thoughts and feelings and the urge to live. It is a void ripe for negative ego attack. The ego always asks why. It is a journey through darkness to light. It is a practice of endurance, commitment and hope. The spirit never doubts. If I become what I am, Life, then the hope is fulfilled.
There are no illusions in the darkness. It is a nebulous world, an existence of raw oneness. It is either peace or fear, love or hate. I'm going to be 52 in a few days. I've decided that this is not the year when I will lay down and die.
I get to choose. Choose Life.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Resolute Decision
No, I have not made a New Years resolution. Who has ever seen one of those succeed?
Resolute decisions always succeed. Decision making is powerful, the greatest power that I have. Strong decisions made with conviction are impenetrable. I have made a resolute decision.
So what I am I getting at? In about 9 days I'll be 52 years old. I have decided that this is not the year for me to lay down and die; or be comfortable and complacent like most 50 somethings I know.
So what?
OK, I have been on a 5 day endurance holiday. Yesterday I ran 27 miles. Today, I ran on trails for 4 hours. During this week, I have run 94 miles, done a few hours on the ex-machines, a few strength workouts and learned to use my new TRX suspension trainer. 2 weeks ago, on December 19, I ran a 3h51min marathon and qualified for Boston, beating the qualifying time by 15 minutes.
My decision is not to lay down and die now. If I go down, it'll be fighting.
I heard that there is an all night ultra-race in a park south of here next Friday night. Besides running the race on a trail in the dark, it has creek crossings. So my feet would get good and wet on a subzero night. I was thinking about this race and the problem of cold feet as I ran the trails of Parkville today. After about 2 hours, I realized that I was running right by a creek. Why not get your feet wet right now and see what its like?
Ok, so I left the cute little wooden bridge and dunked my feet in the cold water. I was wearing the two pairs of smartwool socks I would wear for the race so this was a good experiment. Well, your feet warm back up almost immediately and I noticed no signs of blisters even 2 hours and more dunkings later.
So, having faced the fear of wet cold feet, I pondered whether to go to the race. I realized that I was facing a series of mental road blocks; fears which are complete projections. And, I was praying my ACIM Creed, hoping to hear the Holy Spirit's guidance.
That was when the conviction struck me. I CANNOT let fear stop me now. It would mean death.
The race I plan to go in on Friday is by comparison with many adventures a very tame affair. Perhaps only a shy and conservative mature lady would think twice about it. But here I am faced with fears. So I am resolved not to die yet. Even if I only do 10k, or even if I walk half the night; I need to get out of my comfort zone. Here is my opportunity.
Say bah! to cold feet. Get them wet and realize it is nothing! Don't die.
Resolute decisions always succeed. Decision making is powerful, the greatest power that I have. Strong decisions made with conviction are impenetrable. I have made a resolute decision.
So what I am I getting at? In about 9 days I'll be 52 years old. I have decided that this is not the year for me to lay down and die; or be comfortable and complacent like most 50 somethings I know.
So what?
OK, I have been on a 5 day endurance holiday. Yesterday I ran 27 miles. Today, I ran on trails for 4 hours. During this week, I have run 94 miles, done a few hours on the ex-machines, a few strength workouts and learned to use my new TRX suspension trainer. 2 weeks ago, on December 19, I ran a 3h51min marathon and qualified for Boston, beating the qualifying time by 15 minutes.
My decision is not to lay down and die now. If I go down, it'll be fighting.
I heard that there is an all night ultra-race in a park south of here next Friday night. Besides running the race on a trail in the dark, it has creek crossings. So my feet would get good and wet on a subzero night. I was thinking about this race and the problem of cold feet as I ran the trails of Parkville today. After about 2 hours, I realized that I was running right by a creek. Why not get your feet wet right now and see what its like?
Ok, so I left the cute little wooden bridge and dunked my feet in the cold water. I was wearing the two pairs of smartwool socks I would wear for the race so this was a good experiment. Well, your feet warm back up almost immediately and I noticed no signs of blisters even 2 hours and more dunkings later.
So, having faced the fear of wet cold feet, I pondered whether to go to the race. I realized that I was facing a series of mental road blocks; fears which are complete projections. And, I was praying my ACIM Creed, hoping to hear the Holy Spirit's guidance.
That was when the conviction struck me. I CANNOT let fear stop me now. It would mean death.
The race I plan to go in on Friday is by comparison with many adventures a very tame affair. Perhaps only a shy and conservative mature lady would think twice about it. But here I am faced with fears. So I am resolved not to die yet. Even if I only do 10k, or even if I walk half the night; I need to get out of my comfort zone. Here is my opportunity.
Say bah! to cold feet. Get them wet and realize it is nothing! Don't die.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Blank New Year
Should I blog if I have nothing really momentous to say?
I woke up this morning thinking, “I do wish I had endless days to be silent and run; having no future and no commitments and no work.” What would I be like? But, I have to work for now. I’ve been silent for 4 days, with tomorrow as my last holiday. I’ve ran 78 miles plus a few other hours on ex-machines and doing strength exercises.
This morning, running, I thought that my fears were more subtle. But I do still live my life in fear. I started my run in the pre-dawn, under a clear sky with 16F temps. Not too long later, a couple of other regulars showed up. I said hi or nodded my head. During the morning, a car fell into the ditch by the railroad track. That provided some entertainment. I ran 10 laps around the park, for 27 miles at an extremely slow pace of 5h23min.
I asked this evening for an intuitive thought. I then thought, “I need to see things differently.” My run this morning was such nonsense because I am not seeing it right.
I formulated my litany, or ACIM Creed as it were (see below), several weeks ago. I use the phrases to remind me of The Course. I love to remember a couple of times a day, "I am not alone. Jesus is here." Or, "Love is my intention as of now." Or, "Into His Hands, I commend my spirit." I need such things when my ego is unhappy with my lack of fame, fortune or posterity.
I’ve been frustrated because it is new years and I have no big plans for 2011. So I talked to Jesus about going deeper into A Course in Miracles. The past 3 days, I’ve been reading one section of text over and over (7.IV and V). I’m absorbing the ideas about healing as well as more deeply turning my life over to the Holy Spirit. Did I tell you I love A Course in Miracles? Its because it has the answers I need.
I don’t read commentaries to find out what the text means. I’m interested in listening for what Jesus is saying to me. And, so I keep reading slowly and pondering. Here is a sample of some of it:
7.IV and V:
“When you heal, you are remembering the laws of God and forgetting the laws of the ego…. By healing you learn of wholeness, and by learning of wholeness you learn to remember God… Healing, then, is a way of approaching knowledge by thinking in accordance with the laws of God, and recognizing their universality. Without this recognition, you have made the laws meaningless to you. Yet the laws are not meaningless, since all meaning is contained by them and in them… Healing is a way of forgetting the sense of danger the ego has induced in you, by not recognizing its existence in your brother… Healing is the Holy Spirit’s form of communication in this world, and the only one He accepts. He recognizes no other, because He does not accept the ego’s confusion of mind and body… When you heal, that is exactly what you are learning. You are recognizing the changeless mind in your brother by realizing that he could not have changed his mind. That is how you perceive the Holy Spirit in him…”
7.V: “11 Come therefore unto me, and learn of the truth in you. The mind we share is shared by all our brothers, and as we see them truly they will be healed. Let your mind shine with mine upon their minds, and by our gratitude to them make them aware of the light in them. This light will shine back upon you and on the whole Sonship, because this is your proper gift to God. He will accept it and give it to the Sonship, because it is acceptable to Him and therefore to His Sons. This is true communion with the Holy Spirit, Who sees the altar of God in everyone, and by bringing it to your appreciation, He calls upon you to love God and His creation. You can appreciate the Sonship only as one. This is part of the law of creation, and therefore governs all thought.”
Litany (ACIM Creed):
Father in Jesus name remind me of,
Your love for me and of my love for you.
If I am afraid I am deceived.
I am spirit. Know this can’t hurt me.
Fear is lack of love Atonement heals.
Expanding Love is my reality.
Giving and receiving are the same.
True appreciation is my gift.
The innocent see perfection truly.
Christ Vision is their one and only sight.
I am not alone, Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
The Holy Spirit is my choice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
Into Your Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to Your peace.
Truth is my commitment. I am Joy.
Love is my intention as of now.
Love based thinking is my one desire.
Inner peace is what I really want. (Amen)
I woke up this morning thinking, “I do wish I had endless days to be silent and run; having no future and no commitments and no work.” What would I be like? But, I have to work for now. I’ve been silent for 4 days, with tomorrow as my last holiday. I’ve ran 78 miles plus a few other hours on ex-machines and doing strength exercises.
This morning, running, I thought that my fears were more subtle. But I do still live my life in fear. I started my run in the pre-dawn, under a clear sky with 16F temps. Not too long later, a couple of other regulars showed up. I said hi or nodded my head. During the morning, a car fell into the ditch by the railroad track. That provided some entertainment. I ran 10 laps around the park, for 27 miles at an extremely slow pace of 5h23min.
I asked this evening for an intuitive thought. I then thought, “I need to see things differently.” My run this morning was such nonsense because I am not seeing it right.
I formulated my litany, or ACIM Creed as it were (see below), several weeks ago. I use the phrases to remind me of The Course. I love to remember a couple of times a day, "I am not alone. Jesus is here." Or, "Love is my intention as of now." Or, "Into His Hands, I commend my spirit." I need such things when my ego is unhappy with my lack of fame, fortune or posterity.
I’ve been frustrated because it is new years and I have no big plans for 2011. So I talked to Jesus about going deeper into A Course in Miracles. The past 3 days, I’ve been reading one section of text over and over (7.IV and V). I’m absorbing the ideas about healing as well as more deeply turning my life over to the Holy Spirit. Did I tell you I love A Course in Miracles? Its because it has the answers I need.
I don’t read commentaries to find out what the text means. I’m interested in listening for what Jesus is saying to me. And, so I keep reading slowly and pondering. Here is a sample of some of it:
7.IV and V:
“When you heal, you are remembering the laws of God and forgetting the laws of the ego…. By healing you learn of wholeness, and by learning of wholeness you learn to remember God… Healing, then, is a way of approaching knowledge by thinking in accordance with the laws of God, and recognizing their universality. Without this recognition, you have made the laws meaningless to you. Yet the laws are not meaningless, since all meaning is contained by them and in them… Healing is a way of forgetting the sense of danger the ego has induced in you, by not recognizing its existence in your brother… Healing is the Holy Spirit’s form of communication in this world, and the only one He accepts. He recognizes no other, because He does not accept the ego’s confusion of mind and body… When you heal, that is exactly what you are learning. You are recognizing the changeless mind in your brother by realizing that he could not have changed his mind. That is how you perceive the Holy Spirit in him…”
7.V: “11 Come therefore unto me, and learn of the truth in you. The mind we share is shared by all our brothers, and as we see them truly they will be healed. Let your mind shine with mine upon their minds, and by our gratitude to them make them aware of the light in them. This light will shine back upon you and on the whole Sonship, because this is your proper gift to God. He will accept it and give it to the Sonship, because it is acceptable to Him and therefore to His Sons. This is true communion with the Holy Spirit, Who sees the altar of God in everyone, and by bringing it to your appreciation, He calls upon you to love God and His creation. You can appreciate the Sonship only as one. This is part of the law of creation, and therefore governs all thought.”
Litany (ACIM Creed):
Father in Jesus name remind me of,
Your love for me and of my love for you.
If I am afraid I am deceived.
I am spirit. Know this can’t hurt me.
Fear is lack of love Atonement heals.
Expanding Love is my reality.
Giving and receiving are the same.
True appreciation is my gift.
The innocent see perfection truly.
Christ Vision is their one and only sight.
I am not alone, Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
The Holy Spirit is my choice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
Into Your Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to Your peace.
Truth is my commitment. I am Joy.
Love is my intention as of now.
Love based thinking is my one desire.
Inner peace is what I really want. (Amen)
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