I finally had a moment of realization this morning. Years of meditation and spiritual study may or may not have helped; but in a moment of total ordinary consciousness, I got it.
"Me" as stated in the title of this blog, is my self centered ego consciousness. "My Life" is what I now understand to be my higher consciousness. And I heard it as well as entered it today.
Its like this. I was reading a portion of the book Alcoholics Anonymous this morning, pages 62 and 63. It talks about how self centeredness creates all our problems; and that we can't be less self centered on our own power. Self will is of no use. Only a higher power can help. Then, I did a few minutes of silent meditation. Then I made my lunch and was getting ready to leave for work.
I was thinking about how I haven't had a life. All I've ever done was work. I was having an imaginary conversation with my boss explaining how I don't have enough vacation and never get to have my life. Suddenly, however, I heard another mental voice say, "This is my life." Suddenly, it seemed that my higher consciousness had wanted the life my ego wants to get away from. I experienced my higher consciousness. It was vast.
This had nothing to do with oneness or love. It just had to do with realizing my higher consciousness IS living the life it wants. I can surrender and stop fighting. In stopping fighting, I give up ego self centeredness. In giving up, I gain that vast consciousness which is the content with my life.
What if I saw my life from this higher perspective: alcoholic home, several childhood trips around the world, horses, mountain cabins, Israel, men, monasteries, chemical plants, marathons.
Realizing the difference between ego consciousness and higher consciousness is great. I hope it gives me more access to higher consciousness each day.
The gurus and authors have said this too. But it was always something achieved outside of real life. Something obtained in a monastery, ashram or retreat. Mine is in the middle of a chemical plant.
I am really "My Life" not "me."