Still

It is the weekend after Silverton weekend, my 86 mile weekend. Today, I did my usual Saturday routine. I went running. Today, I went to the Little Blue Trace (a flat dirt bike path) and ran for about 3.5 hours. I didn't fuel enough and didn't feel very energetic.

In the afternoon, after eating and napping, I was once again searching my inner self for answers. I see that running goes on. Running didn't stop just because my A race of the year is over. For no good reason, I am continuing to run. The thought came again: I have chosen the path of nothing and nobody. It means that I continually look inward and face a void.

I sit quietly and watch the void. I listen to its silence. Maybe I recite to my self my spiritual creed. And then I do sit-ups, or go running. I don't claim any sort of glory. All of my accomplishments are nothing.

I want Grace to be my most important value.

To be pure blandness in the world is a horrible fate for my ego. Mine simply won't stand for it; hence my emotional ups and downs. I insist on a spiritual philosophy to be the answer to my jealousy and greed. In my social programming, it is so wrong to accept inequality (mine is related to pay and position at work). To work at acceptance for the sake of inner peace is right for me. It is not right for everyone. I make a good living. It is the inequality which grates on my ego. But since my goal is inner peace, acceptance is necessary. I am powerless over a CEO of an international company who is sitting on all promotions regardless of level.

Jesus said, "...turn the other cheek..." I find this advice useful at many times. In and of myself I am fine. Whenever I compare myself to others, my ego agitates. The ego must be denied somehow.

Now for the simplest of all things: an urban hike with water.