I have always been at the bottom of the pecking order. Yesterday at work, as one of the guys was pecking away, I felt this incredible hatred. I am completely tired of competition.
At the same time, or on the other hand, I have an ego that completely can't accept quietly doing a great job and ignoring anything else. Spiritually speaking, it is good for me to have continuous ego deflation. I should just laugh at my ego feelings. I really do harbor resentments from years ago. I noticed that as I was out running this morning and was thinking about something from 30+ years ago.
Do you see why I need to live in the now? As I notice my ego drifting into resentment, I ask for spiritual help. It works.
Here is what my next long race would look like if I was doing it during the day:
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