Sunday, November 28, 2010

Running Free

Today’s run was extraordinary. 23 miles in 4h00 (10.4 m/m).

It’s now 5:30 pm. I finished my run at 1:45. I did take some Aleve, but the achilles is not hurting hardley at all (and it usually does). For some reason, combined with my awesome Gobbler half-mary race, I think my running is finally purified.

In the monastery, I felt guilty for running, although I needed to in order to be sane as well as avoid weight gain. I felt guilty because running shoes and gear cost money; as well as it conflicted with community and prayer. Then, when I came out of the monastery, I continued to feel guilty; like running was still taking time from contemplation. And I felt like racing was a thing of ego grandiosity. Like the shiney medals and ag awards mattered only to self and not to Self. I also felt like running was sort of a way of cheating God out of power over me (like the give and take of injuries, and increased health, were defeating God's old age decrepitude syndrome).

Today’s run, I was repeating a prayer, “Father, in Jesus’ name remind me of (pause) Your love for me and my love for You.” And then I just ran. Gu every 45 min with about 3 oz of water. It was a mostly warm day but very windy. What if somehow running is a talent God gave? I’ve always dis-ed it because I am really not that fast. But on a global scale (looking at all the 50 year old ladies around me), I am an awesome runner. So what if my prayer was answered today by releasing me from my running guilt?

During my vacation, I’ve been studying my spiritual book and reflecting on today and potential futures; and working out every day. There have been spiritual questions answered and my responses have been accepting of God’s gifts.

So now I say: running and racing are remembrances of His love for me and my love for Him. And Jesus must have been running at my side and whispering in my ear.

No comments: