Whenever I do a thing the intention is really to Listen to the Voice for God, walk with Jesus as my Guide, and use Christ's vision instead of my own.
I try not to make decisions on my own. I ask Jesus to decide for me. And this so that I will have a happy day.
So, in the early morning on Sunday, before venturing to the Blue Springs 50 miles race, I asked for a happy day. And I was practicing my lesson: "The peace of God envelopes me today, And I forget all things except His love.” The desire to walk with Jesus sets the stage for uncommon sense. It means that His will is to predominate over my ego.
Endurance in spirituality is what matters. Hence I mourn the loss of the importance of the world; not whether or not I finish 50 miles. People tell me how sorry they are for me that I didn't run 50 miles. I find this implies that running 44 miles isn't worthy. But when I leave the world of measurement and take spiritual values, the exact number of miles is not a consideration.
To discard worldly values and adopt spiritual values does leave a person like a fish out of water. The other people don't understand. I no longer fit with the group norms. This really hit home with my running this year. In March I was in a 24 hour race. After 20 hours and 80 miles, I decided to stop. I realized that I could have kept walking another 4 hours in order to say "I ran 24 hours;" but I was in severe pain and it wasn't worth it to me. I didn't need to say "I ran 24 hours." The same thing happened yesterday. I stopped after 44 miles because I was destroying one of my toe nails. It was already a goner by that time, but I didn't think running another 75 minutes in pain was valuable just to say, "I ran 50 miles."
His will is mercy. I had mercy on myself and the whole human race by letting myself off the pain hook. I have set myself and the whole world free by letting it out of the ego measurement prison. How insane that we say a person is unfortunate if they don't run 50 miles but only 44; or 20 hours instead of 24. Or....thin vs fat, tall vs short, black vs white, rich vs poor. The group norms are insane and I prefer the mercy of Jesus. I prefer the spiritual value of love.