Today's lesson from A Course in Miracles said (in part), "If I so choose, I can depart this world entirely. It is not death which makes this possible, but it is change of mind about the purpose of the world. If I believe it has a value as I see it now, so will it still remain for me. But if I see no value in the world as I behold it, nothing that I want to keep as mine or search for as a goal, it will depart from me. For I have not sought for illusions to replace the truth... What need have I to linger in a place of vain desires and of shattered dreams, when Heaven can so easily be mine?"
So if I have thoughts like these, is it any wonder I let go of all things ego? Jesus said (in the Bible) his kingdom was not of this world. He said to lose your life to save it. I think Jesus meant to change your mind. ACIM teaches me how to change my mind.
Part of my solitary running is changing my mind about the purpose of running. I am changing running from racing and performance, to transcendence. Thus, the ego cannot have my running any longer.
Today, I went out running with the idea of endurance; that is to just go along at low impact for awhile. I decided to do 9x1s in order to go easy on my legs. I stayed only 4h07 min, or about 20 miles. I have time. I spend my time on this.
I jogged along nodding hi to the various other people using the trail. A key point was suddenly understood. If I have no special relationships, neither special love relationships or special hate relationships, then I can view creation as a unity. The unity is God and all of the people are God's Son. If I have not singled out any individuals for specialness, then I also have not projected any of my own dark thoughts. I can love all equally and everything is one continuum of God.
An extension of the idea of taking running away from ego: when I do an endurance event by myself, it is totally up to me to like it or not. Since it was not an official race, no one will care whether I did it. No one will cheer. No one will congratulate me for a 50 mile run done by myself. Even if I did tell someone, they would not react the same as if I had done it at a race. Running done in private has no ego reward.
But really, what does it matter to me? Next Saturday, there is a 50 mile race. I can enter the race on line, pay an entry fee, drive 2 hours to the race, wait around because I got there early, run 50 miles, drive the two hours home. Why not skip all that and just run the 50 miles from home? Because we want something from the outside world in return for what we do.
Bottom line: run 50 if you want. Don't ask for awards or acclaim. Do it for yourself, period.
I felt all morning that I wanted to plan a day where I did go more than 6 hours by myself. I want to try it.
Addition: When you live as a solitary, you have no atta boy pats on the head encouraging feedback from the world. You are no longer living your life as an actor on a stage.