"...you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego's foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there."
"For still deeper that the ego's foundation, and much stronger that it will ever be, is your intense and burning love for God and His for you. This is what you really want to hide."
As I type that second part, it occurs to me that getting a new job and moving would disrupt my ego; perhaps for just long enough to find a new way.
Confusion arises from my ego's fears: I do not yet know what I really am (a spirit) because I still have ego identification; perceptions, preconceived notions and prejudices. I felt these limitations today. I drove past the place where I am interviewing on Monday; and I drove past some new duplexes located where I thought I might want to live. I felt my opinions rising. It was impressive how I bumped into my own mental walls. If I get the job, I may just take it in order to break down my ego and experience its dark foundations (besides the money).
I want to find the Love and live in the Holy Spirit's thought system. I see I have more growing to do. I still grovel in the dirt of my ego. My littleness is impressive. I want to go deeper, beyond this meaningless ego world. Do I allow myself to feel my "intense and burning love for God and His for me" ? Not as deep as I want. It is not in doing but in silence that I go deeper.
Patience. Listening. Prayer: Jesus, please help me.