Wow what an April. Best in over a year. 250 miles. 74+ total hours of working out (includes jogging, cross training and strength).
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A Testimony
Wow what an April. Best in over a year. 250 miles. 74+ total hours of working out (includes jogging, cross training and strength).
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Endless Miles
Yesterday I went in a 25k race in this park.
Today I walked 24.5k in a different park.
Yesterday, being in an actual race, I was trying to keep my speed up and practice for the Calgary marathon. So in my mind, I kept running over the numbers and figuring if I could finish in less than 6 hours.
Today, I was thinking 55 hour race. I only walked, but kept running over the numbers of how many hours to get to 100 miles.
But, 100 miles can't be the goal. This goal definition has been wrasseled out of my mind finally. My mind has already determined that 100 miles is just a number; its meaning wrapped up in what other people think. So my mind has rejected it as a goal. Also, what other people think has been relegated to the dopamine reward cycle. So doing what others praise me for can't be the goal and also the praise itself is rejected by my mind. I can't describe the massive disgust I feel when I say, "I ran 96 miles," and "they" reply, "too bad you missed 100." This is why I can't make 100 the goal. I can only make doing what I can my goal.
So I decided to do what I have to do but not tell anyone. Right at that point, another runner in the park (whom I've seen but not talked to before) came up to me and asked me what I was training for. So much for my secrecy plan.
My goal is the depth of my being. My goal is to throw my heart (slowly) over the bar. My goal is downward mobility. My goal is giving my all, drinking my dregs, ego deflation at depth.
I honestly don't think I came to this world to achieve stereotyped approval. I came here to finish my realization that this is a delusion; and seek only Ideal Form (see Platonism).
Sounds depressing right? Well, if the choice is "Ideal Form" , then a worldly goal will never work for me. It is more important to me to find my truth than your truth.
I did miles this week. I will do miles next week; and that is all there is to it.
Today I walked 24.5k in a different park.
Yesterday, being in an actual race, I was trying to keep my speed up and practice for the Calgary marathon. So in my mind, I kept running over the numbers and figuring if I could finish in less than 6 hours.
Today, I was thinking 55 hour race. I only walked, but kept running over the numbers of how many hours to get to 100 miles.
But, 100 miles can't be the goal. This goal definition has been wrasseled out of my mind finally. My mind has already determined that 100 miles is just a number; its meaning wrapped up in what other people think. So my mind has rejected it as a goal. Also, what other people think has been relegated to the dopamine reward cycle. So doing what others praise me for can't be the goal and also the praise itself is rejected by my mind. I can't describe the massive disgust I feel when I say, "I ran 96 miles," and "they" reply, "too bad you missed 100." This is why I can't make 100 the goal. I can only make doing what I can my goal.
So I decided to do what I have to do but not tell anyone. Right at that point, another runner in the park (whom I've seen but not talked to before) came up to me and asked me what I was training for. So much for my secrecy plan.
My goal is the depth of my being. My goal is to throw my heart (slowly) over the bar. My goal is downward mobility. My goal is giving my all, drinking my dregs, ego deflation at depth.
I honestly don't think I came to this world to achieve stereotyped approval. I came here to finish my realization that this is a delusion; and seek only Ideal Form (see Platonism).
Sounds depressing right? Well, if the choice is "Ideal Form" , then a worldly goal will never work for me. It is more important to me to find my truth than your truth.
I did miles this week. I will do miles next week; and that is all there is to it.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Exciting Enlightenment
I have been a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM) for several years. Also, for the past 6 months, I've been slowly plowing my way through Plotinus' Enneads. I am not even half way through, up to the third Ennead.
Every few days, I find some gem of an idea buried in Plotinus. Often, these gems overlap with a principle of ACIM. My understanding of Plotinus, who was a Platonist (studied the Greek philosopher Plato), is framed in principles which overlap from ACIM. I'm taking the principles themselves to be general truths and as such should be true for all humans and all religions and philosophies.
Not Christianity, but Christ Himself. (imo)
A key principle of ACIM is "forgiveness" which doesn't have the same meaning as most people think. It means looking beyond to the Christ Principle within, beyond this world. If this idea is translated into Platonism using Ideal Form, Reason Principle, Authentic Existence, and others; we get a unified explanation of ACIM. So truth is true and completely practice-able by ordinary humans. (er, or anyone who really wants to).
I can't offer a sound bite of two books, each of which is over 700 pages. I offer my excitement to know I am happily on a path of truth.
If you are a student of ACIM, you will recognize Christ Vision and forgiveness in the following key cut from Plotinus 3.8.7:
"All the forms of Authentic Existence spring from vision and are a vision. Everything that springs from these Authentic Existences in their vision is an object of vision-manifest to sensation or to true knowledge or to surface-awareness. All act aims at this knowing; all impulse is towards knowledge, all that springs from vision exists to produce Ideal-Form, that is a fresh object of vision, so that universally, as images of their engendering principles, they all produce objects of vision, Ideal-forms. In the engendering of these sub-existences, imitations of the Authentic, it is made manifest that the creating powers operate not for the sake of creation and action but in order to produce an object of vision. This same vision is the ultimate purpose of all the acts of the mind and, even further downward, of all sensation, since sensation also is an effort towards knowledge; lower still, Nature, producing similarly its subsequent principle, brings into being the vision and Idea that we know in it. It is certain, also, that as the Firsts exist in vision all other things must be straining towards the same condition; the starting point is, universally, the goal.
When living things reproduce their Kind, it is that the Reason-Principles within stir them; the procreative act is the expression of a contemplation, a travail towards the creation of many forms, many objects of contemplation, so that the universe may be filled full with Reason-Principles and that contemplation may be, as nearly as possible, endless: to bring anything into being is to produce an Idea-Form and that again is to enrich the universe with contemplation: all the failures, alike in being and in doing, are but the swerving of visionaries from the object of vision: in the end the sorriest craftsman is still a maker of forms, ungracefully. So Love, too, is vision with the pursuit of Ideal-Form."
I am happy I continue to shamelessly follow Jesus. I am excited and enlightened. The Compassionate Spirit has worked within my heart and brought me a vision of The Real World.
Every few days, I find some gem of an idea buried in Plotinus. Often, these gems overlap with a principle of ACIM. My understanding of Plotinus, who was a Platonist (studied the Greek philosopher Plato), is framed in principles which overlap from ACIM. I'm taking the principles themselves to be general truths and as such should be true for all humans and all religions and philosophies.
Not Christianity, but Christ Himself. (imo)
A key principle of ACIM is "forgiveness" which doesn't have the same meaning as most people think. It means looking beyond to the Christ Principle within, beyond this world. If this idea is translated into Platonism using Ideal Form, Reason Principle, Authentic Existence, and others; we get a unified explanation of ACIM. So truth is true and completely practice-able by ordinary humans. (er, or anyone who really wants to).
I can't offer a sound bite of two books, each of which is over 700 pages. I offer my excitement to know I am happily on a path of truth.
If you are a student of ACIM, you will recognize Christ Vision and forgiveness in the following key cut from Plotinus 3.8.7:
"All the forms of Authentic Existence spring from vision and are a vision. Everything that springs from these Authentic Existences in their vision is an object of vision-manifest to sensation or to true knowledge or to surface-awareness. All act aims at this knowing; all impulse is towards knowledge, all that springs from vision exists to produce Ideal-Form, that is a fresh object of vision, so that universally, as images of their engendering principles, they all produce objects of vision, Ideal-forms. In the engendering of these sub-existences, imitations of the Authentic, it is made manifest that the creating powers operate not for the sake of creation and action but in order to produce an object of vision. This same vision is the ultimate purpose of all the acts of the mind and, even further downward, of all sensation, since sensation also is an effort towards knowledge; lower still, Nature, producing similarly its subsequent principle, brings into being the vision and Idea that we know in it. It is certain, also, that as the Firsts exist in vision all other things must be straining towards the same condition; the starting point is, universally, the goal.
When living things reproduce their Kind, it is that the Reason-Principles within stir them; the procreative act is the expression of a contemplation, a travail towards the creation of many forms, many objects of contemplation, so that the universe may be filled full with Reason-Principles and that contemplation may be, as nearly as possible, endless: to bring anything into being is to produce an Idea-Form and that again is to enrich the universe with contemplation: all the failures, alike in being and in doing, are but the swerving of visionaries from the object of vision: in the end the sorriest craftsman is still a maker of forms, ungracefully. So Love, too, is vision with the pursuit of Ideal-Form."
I am happy I continue to shamelessly follow Jesus. I am excited and enlightened. The Compassionate Spirit has worked within my heart and brought me a vision of The Real World.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Walking Alone
Why do I walk alone?
"In the fourth century a.d. the deserts of Egypt, Palestine, Arabia and Persia were peopled by a race of men.... They sought a way to God that was uncharted and freely chosen, not inherited from others who had mapped it out beforehand. They sought a God whom they alone could find, not one who was 'given' in a set stereotyped form by somebody else." ...Thomas Merton, The Wisdom of the Desert
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Easter Multi-day 2014
This was a great weekend for doing miles here in Seabrook. So, that is what I did. An experiment of time and distance; except, I knew I wasn't in the mood for more than 5 hours on any given day. I wanted to sleep in also.
Friday I did 4.5 hours and 18.5 miles. Plus a 40 min strength workout.
Saturday I did 4h26min and 19.2 miles.
Sunday I did 4h01min and 17.1 miles. Plus I'll probably do some strength this evening while I listen to the TED radio hour.
My foot did really well. Yeah, that foot which had surgery in September 2013.
What amazed me is that I am not all torn up that I'm not celebrating Easter. I was practicing my Course in Miracles lessons. I did feel connected to my higher power. But I cannot for the life of me remember what was so important about Easter. This shocks me. I spent so many years as a Roman Catholic and also in a Benedictine monastery.
The God I worship doesn't seem to need special liturgy. If God is love, then there is nothing more to be done.
Voluntary poverty is to dismiss ego possessions; live with no kudos, no approval, no dopamine rewards, no special liturgy. Just be nice and pay your taxes.
Voluntary simplicity is to possess nothing. No honor, no rewards, no legacy, no other people. Just walk in silence.
If all you have is silence, you have made a good start on walking with God. My adult life is characterized by the quest for inner silence and God consciousness. This yields nothing in this world. It is about as silly as doing miles every day on a boring path in Seabrook, Texas.
Tomorrow begins another work week. But I am going to be a little slacker on the miles this week. I'm going in a real race next Saturday.
Friday I did 4.5 hours and 18.5 miles. Plus a 40 min strength workout.
Saturday I did 4h26min and 19.2 miles.
Sunday I did 4h01min and 17.1 miles. Plus I'll probably do some strength this evening while I listen to the TED radio hour.
My foot did really well. Yeah, that foot which had surgery in September 2013.
What amazed me is that I am not all torn up that I'm not celebrating Easter. I was practicing my Course in Miracles lessons. I did feel connected to my higher power. But I cannot for the life of me remember what was so important about Easter. This shocks me. I spent so many years as a Roman Catholic and also in a Benedictine monastery.
The God I worship doesn't seem to need special liturgy. If God is love, then there is nothing more to be done.
Voluntary poverty is to dismiss ego possessions; live with no kudos, no approval, no dopamine rewards, no special liturgy. Just be nice and pay your taxes.
Voluntary simplicity is to possess nothing. No honor, no rewards, no legacy, no other people. Just walk in silence.
If all you have is silence, you have made a good start on walking with God. My adult life is characterized by the quest for inner silence and God consciousness. This yields nothing in this world. It is about as silly as doing miles every day on a boring path in Seabrook, Texas.
Tomorrow begins another work week. But I am going to be a little slacker on the miles this week. I'm going in a real race next Saturday.
Friday, April 18, 2014
ACIM Resurrection Lesson
This morning, my Course in Miracles lesson was number 151: "All things are echoes of the Voice for God."
And as the culmination of years of prayer and meditation, I had this astounding thought: All the others are my spiritual companions.
Now this thought is a healed thought. It is a thought the Voice for God could have thought with me. The Voice for God honors Christ (the Christ within all others). And I see the love beyond the hate. And so I experienced resurrection: life beyond this world.
And so I went to Brummerhop park and jog walked 50 laps. It is a small park so that is only 18.5 miles. It is a good place to meditate.
The first 13.1 miles were part of a virtual half marathon. Silly me, I signed up on-line for what I thought was a virtual triple race. I liked the idea of earning a medal for three half marathons in 3 days, my private Easter triple. But the RD e-mailed me and said I'd need to enter 2 more times and send her another $70 to get "credit" for 3 races. At which point I became cheap and annoyed.
So, one medal is in the mail. I have been assigned a number. The result of today will be recorded. But I still plan to do miles tomorrow.
Because miles are what I do. I do spiritual study the first hour of the day; and then meditate on the day's lesson while I do miles. Tomorrow however, I think I'll go to the Seabrook trails. Then I'll get a view of Galveston Bay. I have come to rather like that. The park there will be full of Mexicans camping for Easter weekend. I find myself happy with that idea.
Now, I feel a bit like my biceps need some work. So, upstairs I go.
Here is the medal for my virtual race. I like it.
And as the culmination of years of prayer and meditation, I had this astounding thought: All the others are my spiritual companions.
Now this thought is a healed thought. It is a thought the Voice for God could have thought with me. The Voice for God honors Christ (the Christ within all others). And I see the love beyond the hate. And so I experienced resurrection: life beyond this world.
And so I went to Brummerhop park and jog walked 50 laps. It is a small park so that is only 18.5 miles. It is a good place to meditate.
The first 13.1 miles were part of a virtual half marathon. Silly me, I signed up on-line for what I thought was a virtual triple race. I liked the idea of earning a medal for three half marathons in 3 days, my private Easter triple. But the RD e-mailed me and said I'd need to enter 2 more times and send her another $70 to get "credit" for 3 races. At which point I became cheap and annoyed.
So, one medal is in the mail. I have been assigned a number. The result of today will be recorded. But I still plan to do miles tomorrow.
Because miles are what I do. I do spiritual study the first hour of the day; and then meditate on the day's lesson while I do miles. Tomorrow however, I think I'll go to the Seabrook trails. Then I'll get a view of Galveston Bay. I have come to rather like that. The park there will be full of Mexicans camping for Easter weekend. I find myself happy with that idea.
Now, I feel a bit like my biceps need some work. So, upstairs I go.
Here is the medal for my virtual race. I like it.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
9/80 Weekend
This weekend, I put together 42 miles in about 10 hours. Today was walk day, as in mostly walk only some jog. Yesterday was 5x1 day, as in jog 5 walk 1.
And I bought a new car:
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Totally happy with it. Its my second Prius, 4th Toyota. First sexy black car.
It has been a weekend of pondering inner peace. The car purchase was part of it; because it was almost a total non-event as far as life in this world is concerned. I went to the dealership. Jerked around with the sales man back and forth twice. Jerked around with a stack of paperwork. Move my stuff into the new car and go home. Inner peace would mean a not-special life. No dopamine. No highs. No lows. I've been working on inner peace as a spiritual goal. My life does get quieter. But then I ask myself, do I really want this? Well, not ego does. Egos like turmoil and excitement.
Today is the start of Holy Week for the Christians, especially the Roman Catholics. It is a hellish week for monastics. "The Demons" go wild with annoyances. As for myself, I don't really see the point anymore. It has been several years since I finished my bible studies and decided most of it was the domain early Church Bishop's agenda; and that what Jesus said or did has been misinterpreted ever since.
Sitting in my AA meeting this week, I had a revelation. See, I felt guilty that I left my home town at the age of 26 to move halfway across the continent. Got sober and attempted to do step 9 by letter with a raging alcoholic. Didn't work. She kicked me out of her life and then died before I ever saw her again. Yesterday, I for the first time thought, "What if all that was The Spirit's way of sparing me additional pain including a life as a drunk?" What if I was doing the next right thing and how it turned out had nothing to do with me? Then, I should accept The Spirit's gift of a sober life and be happy.
Today I did my miles in Brummerhop park. 41 laps. I thought about self transcendence. My whole ultra career go started and stays on because I hope for self transcendence. Truly, walking laps in a 0.37 miles loop is unglamorous and the only thing to do is repeat the day's spiritual lesson. For hours. I could call it training for the 55 hour race I signed up for. But really, its original purpose was self transcendence. I attempt to think thoughts not from the worldly source. I attempt to quiet my mind and hear spiritually sourced thoughts.
And just keep walking.
And just keep walking.
And I bought a new car:
Totally happy with it. Its my second Prius, 4th Toyota. First sexy black car.
It has been a weekend of pondering inner peace. The car purchase was part of it; because it was almost a total non-event as far as life in this world is concerned. I went to the dealership. Jerked around with the sales man back and forth twice. Jerked around with a stack of paperwork. Move my stuff into the new car and go home. Inner peace would mean a not-special life. No dopamine. No highs. No lows. I've been working on inner peace as a spiritual goal. My life does get quieter. But then I ask myself, do I really want this? Well, not ego does. Egos like turmoil and excitement.
Today is the start of Holy Week for the Christians, especially the Roman Catholics. It is a hellish week for monastics. "The Demons" go wild with annoyances. As for myself, I don't really see the point anymore. It has been several years since I finished my bible studies and decided most of it was the domain early Church Bishop's agenda; and that what Jesus said or did has been misinterpreted ever since.
Sitting in my AA meeting this week, I had a revelation. See, I felt guilty that I left my home town at the age of 26 to move halfway across the continent. Got sober and attempted to do step 9 by letter with a raging alcoholic. Didn't work. She kicked me out of her life and then died before I ever saw her again. Yesterday, I for the first time thought, "What if all that was The Spirit's way of sparing me additional pain including a life as a drunk?" What if I was doing the next right thing and how it turned out had nothing to do with me? Then, I should accept The Spirit's gift of a sober life and be happy.
Today I did my miles in Brummerhop park. 41 laps. I thought about self transcendence. My whole ultra career go started and stays on because I hope for self transcendence. Truly, walking laps in a 0.37 miles loop is unglamorous and the only thing to do is repeat the day's spiritual lesson. For hours. I could call it training for the 55 hour race I signed up for. But really, its original purpose was self transcendence. I attempt to think thoughts not from the worldly source. I attempt to quiet my mind and hear spiritually sourced thoughts.
And just keep walking.
And just keep walking.
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