Easter 2012 - Miracles

Today was a miracle day. I mean, wow, should not have happened.

At 3 am, I was awake. I decided that doing more running today was not a good idea so changed all the alarms (which had been set for 4:30). And slept til 7.

After getting up. I decided I felt pretty good. I decided to go to the park for a walk of undetermined length. It is a nice day but would still be very hot by noon. So, I get to the park about 8:35. The parking lot has the usual large quantity of cars belonging to runners.  

I walk across the parking lot and start in on my walk. After a couple of minutes, I wondered how jogging would feel. OK, a minute or two of slow jogging. A couple of minutes of walking. Lets try jogging again (couple three minutes). Ok, walk again.

Well, after about a mile of that, the jogging portion had turned into 3 minutes of race pace running. WTF? I mean FFS! What am I thinking? But, I look at times on the garmin and I see times between 8 and 10 min miles! So I actually kept that ridiculous pacing up for 15 miles, 3h03 (just about 5 mph average).

A 15 mile interval run after 22 miles on Friday and 20 miles yesterday. How did that happen? I should have been wasted already. So, Friday and Saturday were easy non-stressful miles but still....

Today was a real workout, but incredible.

Was it the titanium neck band? haha, I paid $35 for a titanium neck band. I bought it as a fashion statement on Thursday. I even tied 3 knots in the front for the holy trinity (me, myself and I).

I walked the 16th mile back to the car; not tempting my luck.

Then, my only chore on the way home was to buy gas. After entering my credit card, I was fumbling around with the nozzle and put my wallet on the back of the car. I remember thinking, "Don't forget to get that after you get this nozzle in." Of course I forgot. Arriving home, I thought I needed to move the wallet from the car to my backpack only to discover it wasn't IN the car. Oh sh!T. I jump out of the car and look at the back................................My wallet is still sitting there. PTL! Thank you, thank you.

This weekend, not counting Thursday eve, I ran 58 miles and worked out 14.3 hours. I wonder if I am ready for the Frisco 50k in 3 weeks?

One toe nail won't be making the trip.

One Good Thought

Maybe it is left over monastic training on contemplation, but I often wish I could focus on one thought and go deeper into God through it. Today, reading the Manual for Teachers, A Course in Miracles, I got this thought:

"Holy are you, eternal, free and whole, at peace forever in the Heart of God."

I totally see how if I think that of everybody and everything, then the illusion of this world ends. And, the teacher of God is not asked to be perfect, merely willing to follow the Teacher.  This is salvation and it is appropriate for Easter.

Now, off to the park for a few miles.

Holy Saturday

This morning, I got up with my alarm clock at 5:30. I did my spiritual study and got in the car to go to the park about 6:45.

The full moon was hanging low in the western sky, dawn was already on the wane.

I got to the park, sprayed myself for mosquitoes and started off on another long jog/walk of undetermined distance. The boys who work for the city were setting up an Easter egg hunt. As I got further down the trail towards  the water, I could see a red ball of a sun well above the horizon.

Am I training for an ultra? Am I just doing this because this is what I do?

I give nods to the people I see every Saturday. Some are fast runners. Some are slower and clumsier than me; which seems hard to imagine.

I think of a guy I heard from recently. He was in second place in a marathon when he strained his calf and had to quit. It was the first DNF (did not finish) for this 30 something speedster. He thinks he'll quit running. What? Quit running just cuz you don't want to be a slow poke also ran?

I think of another guy who worked really hard to qualify for Boston. But he only qualified by a few seconds. So he didn't make the cut. So he quit running and got fat. What? Is that all you think running is?

Running will hand your ego to you on a plate. Every time.

I keep slogging along. After one 8 mile lap, I have a pit stop at the car and head out for a second lap. Easter eggs are strewn all over the place. Corrals are set up to keep age groups apart. The weather is perfect today, but hot for a runner.

Back to Pine Gully park and out to Red Bluff. At 15 miles, I am tired and my legs are sore here and there. I double back around the bayou for 0.6 miles of high speed walking. I can't decide when to quit. My legs hurt, but that seems not to be the deciding factor.

I get back to Meador park. The Easter eggs have all been collected and parents are walking their children back to the cars. I think, "I still want to run tomorrow and I should get groceries now (in case the stores are closed tomorrow)." And so, arriving at the car after a 17 mile slog, I stop.

Well, it is Saturday. I'll workout some more this evening when a Prairie Home Companion comes on.

I haven't a clue as to why I need to do this. I need a cup of coffee.

Good Friday

Yesterday, Holy Thursday, I thought about the Catholic Church and how after the Thursday evening service, they take the "bread-which-is-Jesus" out of the church; and then pretend Jesus is not in the church. Then, on Friday, they serve "leftover-bread-that-is-Jesus." Then at the vigil on Saturday night or Sunday pre-dawn, they make new "bread-which-is-Jesus." After that, Jesus stays in the church for the rest of the year.

What? Really?

At this point in my life, that all sounds preposterous. One of the reasons I left organized religion was because I believe that every molecule, photon and the smaller or even non-existent particle (thinking of you SGL), is either holy, spirit filled and the Real Presence; or their is no God and none of this matters.

I believe there is a Higher Power. I don't say God because there is too much incorrect teaching about what God could be. But none of this matters as it is an illusion.

So, in the monastery, Good Friday was used for penance and confession. When I was a novice, I was excluded from some of the sisters activities; so I did the unseemly thing. I went running.

As I was running today, I thought about my monastic life. As a matter of fact, I owe my current spiritual capability to my monastic training. See I don't get involved in distractions from the knowledge of God's presence because of those 4 years cut off from the world. I want to be grateful to the sisters rather than being angry they kicked me out. As a matter of fact, my spirituality is far better now than if I'd remained in a Roman Catholic Convent. As I ran, saying my day's psalm, I did feel happy for the gift of contemplation.

Let me remember what my purpose is.
Let me remember that my goal is God.
Setting aside all little senseless aims.
Achieving only what You want me to.

To celebrate Easter this year, I thought of buying a symbolic piece of body wear. It turns out, I spent $35 on an aqua titanium neck band. It is white and I tied 3 knots in it to symbolize the Trinity. I look very hip in it.

Today was Good Friday indeed. I got up at 5 and hit the park by 6:30. I jog/walked 8x2s for almost 4 hours. Then I came home just as the guys delivering the new treadmill showed up. I bought a new treadmill because of too much concrete in Texas and no hills at all. I got a really good Life Fitness treadmill. It cost less than 2 weeks salary (after taxes and 401K). This afternoon, I walked another 5 miles uphill on the treadmill as well as lift weights and do core. My new shorts also came today.

So different from being a nun. Here are some picture from my last half marathon where I won 2nd place in my age group. The last one is with one of my Canadian friends.

The Remedy for Everything

God is the only goal I have today.

That's it. As soon as I think that, my fears dissolve. That is, fear is not just fear. It is my goal of fear. Yes, all my fear is made by me to meet the goal. Once I am afraid, I have no chance of knowing God and knowing I am loved and cared for and safe.

But as soon as I shift my goal from fear to God, I feel fine. I have no goal in this world.

Today I had a bit of extra time. First I bought a new treadmill; a good one from an equipment supplier, not a box store. I need this to reduce my concrete running and to do hill workouts here in flat Houston.

Then, after a little "work from home" and lunch, I went out for a 9 mile jog in the park across the street.

An interaction with another person today left me with a low grade ego resentment. As I ran laps around the park, I sorted through my fear. After about 1 hour and 20 minutes, I realized I could give it to God. And so I did. It vanished.

Nothing can bother me if I stick to my goal: God is the only goal I have today.

It just begs...

....for a space in my mind for God:

Let every voice but God's be still in me.
Let no ego thoughts be kept by me.
In deepest silence would I come to You.

Yes surely, I feel the call of silence inside; an opportunity to be with the One I love.

Palm Sunday

If only.....I had not been kicked out of a monastery, today would not have happened.

Palm Sunday was the beginning of my most dreaded week of the year. Sisters were practically beating their breasts over their feelings that their sins had pounded the nails into Jesus' flesh. And then tensions were high over who was chosen to do what during the Easter Liturgy, how was the altar to be decorated, who was cooking, how would the tables be set for the feast, choir practice, cleaning; but worst for me was the segregation of the novices. I mean how can you expect to assimilate someone into the community if certain community meetings were off limits. I hated the whole thing.

Instead, a couple of days ago, a runner from Alberta Canada came to visit me in Texas. We ran a half marathon today. I would not have the pleasure of this friend except for Runningmania.com, where we first met.

Here's how my day went: far different than the monastery. I woke up at 2 am with Active.com on my mind. Runners reading this will know what Active is; and it was on my mind because I have a problem with my account. It was bugging me. But then, I fell asleep at about 3 and woke up with the alarm at 4. I quickly got out of bed and dressed in my race clothes.

I came downstairs for coffee and an hour of spiritual study. Then I pinned on my number, made my race energy drink and a green smoothie for after the race. Then I went and picked up my friend. We got to one of the race parking lots. We were incredibly early and didn't see anyone. Walking in the dark, we had to ask a cop where the start actually was. We got there and found many people. I had parked at the outermost lot.

I peed 3 times in various bushes. A bag piper played the national anthem. The fire chief counted us down and off we went.

I had decided to actually race this race. I mean not just run to finish but put some effort into it. I felt good. I knew that I could run fast enough to get an age group award. I was certain my friend would get an age group award and was thinking it would be fun if we both were on the podium. My legs actually felt good; no plantar pain.

Part of my Course in Miracles lesson for today was, "Let me not see myself as limited." This is a great lesson for a running race. The day was hot and humid. I do absolutely NO speed work. All my training is done at 12 minute miles or slower. But I have speed in me when I feel like it.

So I ran the first 2 miles at about 8 min miles and averaged 8:50 for the first 10 miles. At that point, my previously injured right ACL had a couple of twinges. So I slowed down to 9:40 miles.

I didn't talk to anyone much in the race. But my friend's husband and daughter were along the course at several places. I got a high five from her at one place.

I kept repeating my ACIM lesson. It kept my brain from projecting disaster with the knee. It also kept me running much much faster than I have trained for. Nearing the finish, I was able to sprint in. I desired to get in under 2 hours and made it.

At the finish, they had cold wet wash cloths, cold water, people cutting off timing chips and people handing out medals. The timers had a big screen showing almost instantaneous results. I saw my friend who had finished in front of me. She got 1st in her age group and 3rd master woman. I got 2nd in my age group.

I like races even when I just "finish" them. I like them when I see friends. I like them when I win. I like celebrating freedom from religious life.

I am currently signed up for 5 more races this year. 3 of these are ultra-marathons. All of them are out of town: Springfield Missouri, Ottawa Canada, Copper Mountain Colorado, St Louis Missouri and Dallas Texas. I already have airplane tickets for 3 of these races.

This on top of some highly complimentary words from my boss at work this week: "You've done a world of good." Since I work in a global company and practice process safety management, that statement is literally true.

I'll post pics after I get them. Thank God I am spiritual and not religious. I get to celebrate spirit instead of church.