Joy No Matter What

See this guy?

That's Anton Krupika, elite ultra runner. He lives in Colorado and runs everyday in the mountains. And he gets to hang out with Scott Jurek, another ultra runner.

I used to be jealous of the sense of life and beauty that people like him got to experience every day because they lived in the mountains. I live in ugly Houston where the main feature of the landscape is distillation columns, a huge forest of them.

Today, I was sitting in my office at the chemical plant and looking out the window at some equipment and I thought, "You could feel that aliveness right now. Just feel it."

Wow, you mean the sense of joy/happiness/aliveness has nothing to do with the world? Yup. Just feel it now.

I have on a new pair of shoes and my feet don't hurt. After a nap, it is time for miles.

Making Connections

A student of A Course in Miracles reads about how he is not really separate from others. There is only one mind, one Son of God; not separate bodies who don't know God and can't stand each other either.

Some of these teachings seem completely impossible. How could I ever see my brother as myself? How could I ever see that it was my own projection which made the delusion/illusion in front of my eyes?

I sort of have an inkling of the oneness. It might be too complicated to write; and the excitement of the moment is hard to capture in words.

Two fronts: a book I am reading by Scott Jurek, "Eat and Run", vs my struggles to let go of those I've been secretly jealous of.

See, I'm secretly jealous of real ultra runners who seem to accomplish what I've failed at. But also, the sisters in the monastery who claim to be more holy due to their monastic profession. Also those people who our society deems successful: the rich, the doctors, the warriors, athletes in general, successful managers, mothers, etc.

So, I'm reading Scott's book. Over and over I find myself in tears as I read his moments of triumph. I think of myself with my sore heel. I think of Scott floating through beautiful forests, running forever without physical debilitation. I'm a 53 year old professional woman ultra-runner-want-to-be living in the devastatingly hot and flat, totally urban Houston. Scott is a strong young man with access to hills.

I stop my reading and listen to that inner Voice: Scott and I are one. See, the inner force which pulls him also pulls me. Scott's story is part of my projection. I suddenly realize that not all my projections are fat diabetics or sexual predators. Some of them are Scotts and some are Sisters. These are not separate people. We are one. I don't need to be jealous.

I am able to be touched by Scott's story because the same force which is in him is in me. We are not separate. The physical body is the illusion. The inner force is the reality; and that we share. We are not separate. The illusion does not exist. The inner force does.

The 3,100 miles Self Transcendence race begins this weekend. I love to read daily reports about runners going around a 0.5 mile block in NYC for 52 days. I love thinking about my own little loops that I run. I love thinking about my Colorado running vacation in 2 weeks.

This morning, I went running at 4:30 am. It was 81F and very humid. That is as good as Texas will get for 3 months. I was grateful for that run. I keep hoping I can get out of bed this weekend and do a long run. But even so, as I worked out yesterday in my home gym, I could feel the force of endless endurance. In the limitlessness is Eternal Silence and I appreciate its presence.