Bits of the ACIM text:
Let my interfering thoughts be laid aside.
Be still and listen to the truth.
My mind holds only what I think with God.
Now 2 days after my ultra run and I want to go running, but one toe is still painful. Rats!
Brunton says, "Even if a man fails to win at business, he will grandly win his own self respect." That is the person who practices spiritual principles. That helps me because I just realized, I can't like myself just as I am. I mean, I don't have the ability. My ego is just too petty. Sadly I have no inner self respect. I continually measure myself against others. People pleasing is all I have. Despite years of personal inventory, I've not so clearly realized this.
As soon as I got out of bed this morning, I had to work on my toe. The blister is not infected but it is still a raw hunk of flesh. Now I will shamble over to my elliptical and gently work out.
As I did my elliptical, I though about my small self who is my worldly consciousness; and that elusive Higher Self, not ordinary consciousness. I thought about a line in a book: he is like a person who has lost his legs. He never grows new ones. I thought about how some parents give their children an innate sense of self worth.
When it comes to self worth, I was never given it and won't grow it either. In the world, I am successful, but never feel it as an innate sense, only if a dopamine reward went with it. No wonder I find relations with other people so frightening. I'm so dependent on their reactions.
As I rode my elliptical, I was glad for this realization. It also led to another realization. Now that I know I have no self respect, I can peacefully go on with life. Psychotherapists try to coach their patients into building self esteem. I say, forget it. Just go on. Oh gee, I don't have legs. Well, just go on. I'm screwed. Oh, ok, fine. Just go on.
On the other hand, it is evidence of a Higher Self, or I'd not be able to say, Just go on.