Lesson 135

It is Sunday. I slept in. No hurry. Nothing that needs to be done. The miles got done yesterday; though more will be done today.

I am at first astounded by Lesson 135. Part of it is, "A healed mind does not plan. It carries out the plans that it receives through listening to wisdom not its own. " There is a whole 5 pages describing letting go.

I mix my thinking. The thought that I frequently have: why did God make me? A sinful question to ask for sure. People blame me. I should be making something of my life myself. But engaging the world is exactly the opposite of what I am doing.

Brunton gives me "intuitive perception and mystical insight." Indeed if I silence my thoughts then I feel better and get good ideas.

And so I went for a 12 mile walk. I experienced all of my frustration at being a human, all my seeming life failures, all my hatred of others. No, it was not an enlightening walk at all. Yes, I kept changing the channel to silence. Yes, I lost consciousness and went back to reviewing my life. This is exactly Now for me. No, I didn't at all sense a higher consciousness as I might usually.

I think I am stressed out. I mainly want the other people to go away. I wish I didn't have to go to work and deal with problems.