I have been in Texas a little over 10 months. Just today (Saturday) I realized: my past is over. There may be people in Missouri, Kansas or California who remember me. I work for the same company as when I was last in Kansas City. But I am here now. I am in Texas.
I am not plagued with the quest for enlightenment which drove me both into the convent and out of it; and drove the first 8 years of post monastic life. Enlightenment as a quest is part of the mental programming I somehow received.
Here is Texas, I am free to decide "whatever." I don't have to seek God.
This morning (Saturday) I had an unusual thought: start the day from a projection of what I want; not a material want but a way of being.
So it is Sunday morning and I am about to head out for my usual long distance walk. I'll use trees today as I slept in and it is hot outside.
But I had a genuine moment of clarity. Life is easy. It is only hard if you see it that way. I have a picture of a chemical plant on this blog for a reason. I like it there. I like my colleagues. I accept a successful career, fitness endeavor, economic outlook. None of this has to be corrupted with religious teachings or even the idea that the other people are bad.
And so, if I accept success, I don't have anything to preach about or a soap box to stand on. And so I am free. Free to do miles. Free to be alive.
I am just a girl with a blog. Nothing special.