A Course in Miracles, 11.I:
"You must ask what God’s Will is in everything, because it is yours. You do not know what it is, but the Holy Spirit remembers it for you. Ask Him, therefore, what God’s Will is for you, and He will tell you yours. It cannot be too often repeated that you do not know it. Whenever what the Holy Spirit tells you appears to be coercive, it is only because you have not recognized your will.....The projection of the ego makes it appear as if God’s Will is outside yourself, and therefore not yours. In this interpretation it seems possible for God’s Will and yours to conflict. God, then, may seem to demand of you what you do not want to give, and thus deprive you of what you want. Would God, Who wants only your will, be capable of this? Your will is His life, which He has given to you."
Today I went running in my newly beloved Seabrook, Texas. I say newly beloved because I appreciate it much more since returning from Colorado. About 90 minutes into the run I could see the sweat dropping off the bill of my Badwater hat. I'm sure that never happens in Badwater. I watched the drips one by one fall to the red gravel of the path in Seabrook. The running went well until about 9 miles. Then the lightening became too close for comfort. I ended my run at 10 miles; but that was about all my foot wanted to give anyway.
It should be noted that I wear a Badwater hat for lofty inspiration; not because I ever will run Badwater.
I came home and had my salad at 9:30 am; then a massive nap. Then I watched the fish at the Monterey Aquarium via the live web cam.
I go back to work tomorrow after a week of vacation. 92 miles covered since 6/30 when I started off running at Dillon Reservoir in Colorado.
Just now, I wanted to try and see if anything important had happened during this retreat from work. I sat down in front of A Course in Miracles and read what is quoted above. I noticed that there are two ideas: my will and God's Will. But it also points out that there is only one life and one will: that which I share with God. Then it points out that my ego does not want this.
Thus, I seem to throw away God, fear God and feel life long conflict.
I seem to always wish I could have a quantum leap in my thinking. But I get daily changes and glimmers of light.
Wonder why I haven't bought my air plane tickets for my September marathon yet? I'm waiting for something but I don't know what.
Edit: I just spent 30 min riding my ex-bike and pondering "Your will is His life...." Really, think about it; for yourself I mean.