I got up with the alarm at 3:46 today. I could hear the coffee maker doing its job. I did my spiritual study. I am finishing "Clarification of Terms" (part of ACIM) and starting "Psychotherapy" (part of ACIM). I meditated. My mind has been very quiet yesterday and today. Inner peace could be this very silence. I have discovered that it is very difficult to let it be.
I went for an hour run. Nothing too remarkable except for the pure enjoyment. I am an adult athlete. I am starting, at the age of 51, to realize that this is the way I want my life to be. I've spent a good deal of my life abusing myself as a failure because I never got married or had some vital role in society. But I wanted to be a long distance runner when I was 13. My desire has always been endurance and longevity; not racing per se. Only now do I see it as the truth of my being; but also neither less than nor more than anyone else's path in life.
I have a little notebook where I have decided to write out one of the 50 miracle principles each day and then talk to Jesus about its meaning. Todays principle caused me to fall on my knees.
From A Course in Miracles, miracle principle number two: "Miracles as such do not matter. The only thing that matters is their Source, Which is far beyond evaluation."
Even while running or lifting weights, my concern is for the Christ consciousness. In my desire for endurance through the long distance is my desire to bring forth the sacredness of the spirit which I am (we are). Each run, each stupid 15 pound dumbell lift, gives birth to a sacred holy silent pulse of life and love and recognition of Source.