Friday, November 13, 2009

Friday the 13th

No matter how crazily your brain seems to be yelling at you; silence it for an instant and the Love of God will flood in, healing all mistaken notions.

I'm ready to eat when I get to Germany:

Here is the beginning of the pile of stuff that needed to be packed:

This morning, I got up at 4:45, having granted myself a day off. I weigh 130. I did my spiritual study but was somewhat distracted with a) putting things in the pile for Germany and b) my thoughts about myself which separate me from others. I have been studying chapter 22.I of the Course in Miracles text all week. It is on holy relationships. I have been unable to move on because my ego keeps really hammering me about how different from others I am. I keep asking Jesus about this gap between what the Course says and what I believe about myself. Yet, Jesus keeps encouraging me to look beyond the material level surface to the sameness of Christ, which lies within everyone. This practice of continual awareness of my thoughts and then drawing them back to seeing sameness (Christ vision) has been a chore. This morning, as I entered into mental silence, I suddenly had a holy instant (ACIM text 15.I.9):

“Begin to practice the Holy Spirit’s use of time as a teaching aid to happiness and peace. Take this very instant, now, and think of it as all there is of time. Nothing can reach you here out of the past, and it is here that you are completely absolved, completely free and wholly without condemnation. From this holy instant wherein holiness was born again you will go forth in time without fear, and with no sense of change with time.”

In my holy instant, I realized that all was peace.

Then, I went to 6:30 Mass. I didn’t talk to anyone. After that, I went running. I saw some people I knew. As I passed them at the same time I passed my car, they pointed out that I had left a packet of Gu on the trunk of my car, “Did you know you left this here?” I hollered back, being a little ways down the road, “That is supposed to be there.” You know how my ego heard their question? “Hey stupid, did you know you forgot this?” And my ego would have answered, “Quit being such a know-it-all busy body you dip shit.” I admit that the voice in my head sounds this hateful all the time. So now you know why it is so imperative to me that I pay attention to all my thoughts and keep them from unconsciously living in hate.

After eight miles, I decided I’d had enough. I went to the store and then home. At home, I started laundry, worked on my suitcase packing project and installed the software for my new $20 camera. It worked! I got the shirts ironed and folded. Then, I thought I would go to an AA meeting at noon.

Just before I got in the car, I checked the Blackberry. There was an e-mail from human resources granting me a credit for home improvements I had made on the house in Atchison. So, when I took my job, there was a relocation package. The house didn’t sell so I accepted the offer from the relocation agent; which dinged me for about $6,000 worth of repairs. But, I was quite happy because, getting rid of the house was a super thing period. So, now this morning, the company will add in several thousand more dollars. I just can’t believe this.

I had a nice meeting, someone even thanking me for what I said. After the meeting, I did not run out so a couple of guys stopped me to chat. One of them even sort of acted real nice as if he knew I might have been upset with some previous behavior of his.

Yesterday at work, I made my first presentation of a work product to management. They all commented at how well organized, detailed and of higher quality it was than what they had been doing in the past. “I really like the way you think.”

I am going to Germany tomorrow. I finally achieved peace with the trip as I decided that I would do as I always do: set up my mini-monastery in my hotel room. I have arranged my spiritual study materials and coffee supplies. I packed a jar of peanut butter. No matter the cost, I will pay for the fitness facility at the hotel. I have packed running supplies. On the weekend, I’ve planned a personal endurance event. It probably won’t be much different than what I would do at home: run around a park for 4 hours; or perhaps along the Rhine River (if there is a sidewalk). The unknowns are: where will I go pee! I’ve packed my Nathan Hydropak, so water will not be an issue. I should be able to get pictures and write a blog as I’m taking my laptop.

I’m flying first class.

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