Thursday, September 17, 2009

Transition

What happened to that wonderfully spiritual blog full of insights and wisdom? It will be back after I learn the new ways, make new habits and clear out some brain space. Right now, I am learning how to use a Blackberry, meeting tons of new people and trying to find out where information is stashed in the computer at work. I have an office with my name on the door. A laptop to bring home so I can work 24 hours a day (LOL). Key card. New safety shoes. Air plane reservations to Germany. Numerous passwords. Complaints to the HR department for typographical errors in my personal information. New health care. New 401K.

I still get up early and spend an hour in spiritual study. Then, an hour of exercise. Then I either do silent meditation or go to early morning Mass. I have been fascinated by this quiet liturgy. I don’t connect it to Church teachings or the Bible. I connect it to whatever prayer experience I have that day. I am at my office by 7:30 and stay there until 4:30. Then, I either go to the park for a brief run or come home and work out on machines. Then, I usually mess with the computer and eat. Then, I prepare things for the next day, meditate for 30 minutes and lights out at 9.

I am recovering from an inner thigh strain sustained in the marathon on Labor Day. Yesterday and today, I was able to go for 3 mile runs at tempo with no pain. Good deal!

Thursday evenings, I go back to the church for an hour of Adoration and an AA meeting there. It came to me that Adoration and Mass are ways that I lavish my love on God. One of my yearnings for monastic life was to lavish my love on my Creator. I do it now, although at considerable more inconvenience than if I was a monk. I am dedicated to the Eucharist as surely as if I was a vowed religious. The total self gift is a choice. God accepts it whether it is a religious vow or not. It is a privilege to attend to God with one’s entire being. Not because God differentiates but because my ego does.

I still don’t know why I decided to answer the Call of God to return to Him consciously. But it is the most important fact of my life, and the motive behind everything I do and think.

2 comments:

Mark said...

It is a joy to see how God is working in your life! Lavishing love on the Lord! I sure like that!

Spirit Flower said...

One thing I sorely miss about the monastery is that lavishing myself on the Lord was my only job and it was so convenient: Chapel right there, adoration 24 hours a day, daily Mass.

Here in the world, it is hard to keep from being to distracted with busy things.

I cried over this in a meeting last night: I dearly miss the intensity of prayer possible in the monastery.