I spent the afternoon pretty much laying around recovering from my long run early this morning. At one point, about 5 pm, after finally taking a shower which left me sweet smelling, I was laying on the bed again reading. IT called me to pay attention to IT alone. This did not mean continuing to lie on the bed, diverting my attention from the book for a few minutes, but getting into a position where God would have my total attention. That meant moving my body to the meditation corner.
God does not call very loud. And answering the call does not mean feel good rewards perceptible in this world.
I have kept up this contemplative practice for more than ten years. Someone asked me if I do it out of love for God. I answered yes. But reflecting, I think I have to add that it is a married sort of love or an intuitive sort of love; not an ecstatic sort of love. It is like John of the Cross mentions (not quoted): the soul has taken flight and I do not know what she feels, but I am sure she is with the Living Flame of Love. The infusion of divine Love is wonderful, but not anything the ego can identify or feel.
I frequently mention that my relationship with God is very quiet and serene and not ecstatic. I do that because earlier in my life, I somehow got the idea that the relationship would come with strong emotions, orgasmic more or less. I’ve read in many books how ecstasy is felt in the bodily sense. However, since studying A Course in Miracles, I have become comfortable with the knowledge that total peace is benign, un-discerned by the ego (which lives in the physical body). I may know God with the truth of my being, but not with my ego; hence, I don’t feel God with my body or emotions. I know God with my mind, my thoughts, and in the depths of my heart, far away from the material world.
I'll also mention that God does not reward my contemplative practice on the level of materiality; that is, things don't go my way because I prayed. I firmly believe that my perceptions and thoughts create my reality. Contemplation helps me have a God consciousness such that I serve Spirit no matter what happens on the material level. That I got a good job has to do with Spirit's need for me to serve in a particular way; not that I was a good girl, said my prayers and therefore got what I wanted. I meditated and was able to hear what Spirit had to say; and then I did that. I am successful because I listened, not because I am in any way special.
Last week's personal statistics:
I sat for 30 minutes everyday, including one day where the sitting was in Adoration.
I made the 6:30 am Mass 4 times.
I went to 3 AA meetings.
I ran 42 miles (18.8 miles this morning).
I went to work all 5 days.