The Task - Listening

It is Saturday in the middle of a hot summer. I slept in, so no early morning coolness for a run. I don't know if I will go outside at all.

As I did my evening reflection last night, I pondered the great silence and the frustration I feel as a human being. The best answer is just to kneel in awe at the great silence, realizing it is so much more magnificent than me; and the ceasing of my activities and thoughts produces the best me.

This morning, having slept late, I also took my time with morning spiritual study and inner listening. I wonder if a trek in the hot sun would be an enactment of a Saharan quest. Like many, I have the desire to trek through the desert, as Jesus, coming out with some greater wisdom or higher consciousness. But we cannot trick God. An hour on the treadmill in my living room might produce just as much. But if I go outside, the fat people in their graden will see me and wonder. The guy who always weed eats will see me and wonder. The guy who runs with a younger stud on roller skates will wonder. The two people who walk their dogs will wonder.

In a practical sense, I am taking it easy this weekend because next Friday night I have a 50k race. This race is a trek: under the full moon in northern Kansas corn and soy bean fields.

Running in the sun won't produce God. It could reduce ego.

Determination...

...to succeed at The Task.

Its that self transcendence time of year. The 3,100 mile Self Transcendence Race has started. 10 runners will run around a block in NYC for the next 52 days, covering the distance in daily chunks of 50 to 70 miles. Enlightening blog is here: http://perfectionjourney.org/

This race is what inspired my urge to complete ultra-marathons. It is also a microcosm of my life.

Last night, the man next door was talking in his room at about 11 pm. So I installed ear plugs thinking I'd wake up as usual at about 1 am to take them out so I'd hear the alarm at 3:11. I slept all the way to 3:11. I don't remember hearing the alarm and I thought it was about 2 am until I looked at the clock and saw it was 3:11 am. Anyway, I made it out of bed. Getting up at the alarm time was my only goal for the morning. The reward was an extra cup of tea and spiritual study. Study is part of The Task.

Part of my spiritual study included the question: why be an athlete?  The power behind my training comes through a channel which tunnels out of my metaphysical heart. I have successfully opened the channel. It has nothing to do with measurable performance; as in how fast did you run. It has everything to so with determination to do the daily and improve on the daily parameters: time, strength, diet, fitness, consistency. Fitness is part of The Task.

My mind has been on "Teachers" all weekend. I have a mentor at work whom I'm still trying to figure out how to relate with. I've also been reading about spiritual teachers. It seems I am able to finally list out those I've met in person (Pascaline, Rubin, Ludi, Meg, Rose Marie, plus numerous encounters with messengers) and those I've met in books (Merton, John of the Cross, Brunton, Palmo, Sri Chinmoy, Jesus, Buddha, Rand, Heidegger, at least). I've actually been touched quite alot. I needed to accept the validity of the spiritual connection which is there even if the teacher is not physically present. Learning is part of The Task.

So while I know I need to continue to study, when I asked the question in my early morning silence, I thought: I am the guru. As arrogant as it sounds, it is a deep truth.

The Task - Individual

If you are a Benedictine religious, you will learn about the gyrovages and the sarabites; and how the best kind of monks are the cenobites because they live in community under a Superior and a Rule. Roman Catholics are big on making sure everyone follows the tradition of the Church and not interpreting things for themselves. For a long time, Catholics didn't even have Bibles. They just listened to priests read the scriptures in Latin.

Buddhists have the Sangha as one of their treasures. Hindus have gurus.

We are so programmed to join groups and learn from others.

Jesus did not learn from others: He knew from within. Buddha rejected his teaching and found enlightenment from within himself.

So I am flabbergasted to be reading Paul Brunton who quite clearly indicates that a person must think for them self and find God on their own. Of course, he admits that not every one can do this; but for those with the resources, it is the only way to find truth.

I have the resources. After studying many books and religions and listening to many speakers, I find I can look within and hear intuition.

Today, I was meditating at home. I decided to do an intuition experiment. I asked inside, "Who am I?" The immediate answer was, "Boundless Energy." I certain have read something similar to this before; but these exact words are my own.

It explains alot. Especially since, just before doing this intuition experiment, I had reflected on my exercise potential.

What resources do I have? Time, energy, discipline, intelligence, perseverance, silence, solitude, meditation technique, a purified physical body, books, education, ability to listen, in depth exposure to at least 3 different philosophies, a divorce from society, sobriety. AND, I use my resources. Many people have enough resources but never use them.

How Do I know?

I have never experienced the big bang sort of revelatory experience which folks call "enlightenment." Most folks think you need this experience in order to say you have been enlightened.

I think I am a slowly dawning sunrise.

Something drives my life. I think it is soul. Without evidence of the highly emotional variety, I could say I proceed by faith. But maybe I proceed by hope. It could even be that my ego finds failure so unacceptable, that I keep up the spiritual study.

I don't know whether my insides are a long but firmly bottled hate and anger; or inner peace.

My spiritual life is like climbing a mountain. At this time, it seems as if I have left the beautiful meadows with mountain wildflowers and trickling streams. I seem to be climbing above the tree line into territory which is nothing but rocks. The delicious campfire meals are left behind. It gets colder and windier. The air is thinner. I keep taking one step at a time. I do not know when or if I will reach the summit; or if the summit will be revelation.

I just know I must keep going. Such is The Task.

My Spiritual Home....

.....is truly NOT in a book, or in a church or in any group of people.

My spiritual home is really and truly in my mind. Hence, The Task is not to build a spiritual home. That has been done.

This realization just came to me tonight. It is the equivalent of realizing I am free.

The Task - Sentience

I am a sentient being. Forget the moths smashed on car bumpers. I am a sentient being.

The Task is to enlarge on this idea beyond this world. The Task is a spiritual task, if I say that spirit is what I am beyond this world. God is more or less irrelevant to The Task.

Today I continued my personal multi-day (day 3). I completed 21 miles in run/walk mode and then made myself walk another 2.23 miles. In 3 days, I have covered 51.73 miles. This is not a body destroying quantity; but a mental practice. It takes a certain will to go out and do this; especially since it is a rather puny amount of running in ultra-marathon terms.

Today, after about an hour of running, I found myself on a paved bike path in a forest, bit of very green grass on each side, foggy skies. Suddenly, I wondered where I was. I wondered if I had somehow turned around and run back without paying attention. Then, I got my bearings and was fine.

Metaphysically speaking, this moment of disorientation was a moment of failed ego control. That is, my normal ego thought pattern which holds the world in place was gone. In the sense of self transcendence, this was a successful moment. For such moments, I keep ultra-running. For someone NOT about the Task, such moments are meaningless and to be blown off immediately. For a budding philosopher, it is a time for reflection on the boundaries and conditions and varieties of consciousness.

The Task - un-named

I've been thinking that my spirituality has become quiet. But also moved on. See, I now know that A Course in Miracles is not "the end" or the top of spiritual evolution; even if one has experienced Revelation (a universal experience given graciously). I used to think Roman Catholicism was the top. Those in Vedanta think that is the top.

Now, I have experienced more and climbed further. I am now practicing something that doesn't have a name.

I had an excellent 18.5 mile run/walk today. 28.5 miles for the weekend. 73 miles rolling weekly total. I skipped the afternoon walk, which was intended for Silverton race conditioning. I'm saving my legs for another long run tomorrow. I admit that a long walk this evening will be too much. I'll do core exercises after dinner digests.

The Task - Memorial Day 2011

I am not about a spiritual journey. I am not about The Quest (re: Brunton) (exactly). I am not about A Course in Miracles (exactly). I am not about any religion or theology.

I am about The Task.

This is my name for it.

The Task is about High Performance Spirituality in the same way as any engineering task I might do at work. You can use your ego for spiritual success. Your ego is great at making sure you keep appointments. Make an appointment with something greater than yourself.

As of this evening, my rolling weekly mileage total is 68 miles.

On Memorial day of 1999, I made my first visit to The Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration. by October of that year, I was officially Roman Catholic. By December 25, I had made my supposedly permanent home with the sisters. Not....Spirit/soul had other plans for me.

I have a 4 day weekend. I used to have spiritual goals for these breaks from the working world. But lately I have not had to have any spiritual performance goals. I think this is because I am basically at peace. High Performance Spirituality is a natural part of my life. I don't have to set goals as it happens everyday just as running does.

I do plan to run alot and workout for the next 4 days. Today, I had a fabulous 10 mile run in Parkville and I lifted weights. Part of the reason the run was so fabulous is that after Tuesday's run, my achilles was in a suddenly traumatic state. But today's run didn't really bother it. So, I will run and run, hopefully, for the next 4 days.