The Gift

Today I ran around a 0.36 mile loop in Meador park; yet another location where there are enough trees to run in the summer.

I know that picture says 0.38 miles but I think that is a bit long. Anyway, I'm being conservative.

I did 50 laps/ 18 miles/ 4h27min.  Nice and warm, humid, 80 oz of drink.

After about 2.5 hours, I realized my mind was wandering around dark corridors. I had the consciousness to think higher. I thought about Presence. I had a new thought: If I actually knew my Higher Self, what would I be thinking right now? Some time later, maybe an hour later, I had a brief illumination. I envisioned having the gift of Light.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Next weekend, I'm going to try again the insanity of the double marathon. What is different than the last time? Well, for one, I'm going to tape my toes. For two, be prepared to ruthlessly cut open the shoes if the toe box is destroying any toe nail. Take the Solumbra sun hat. Other details. But, on the second day, when my body wants to give up, I'll need a mental preparation. Something other than, "I'm doing this just to finish one more marathon." I have an idea. If it works, I'll let you know.

Desperately Searching....

.....for a hill.

I live in a totally flat area. No hills for 60 miles. So today, I bit the bullet and started training on tall grassy mounds. Up down around, up down around, etc. Well, the quads do get some work that way.

The tallest mound there is about 20 feet, surrounded by long 5 foot mounds. So, there. I did it for a little while today.

The whole time, I was thinking about a guy I met a Silverton 1000 in 2011. His name is Ed Ettinghausen. You can Google him and find out that he holds a record for running 135 marathons in one year. What I most remember about him at Silverton is that he seemed to be barely moving. Yet, when I checked the results later, I saw that barely moving adds up after awhile. I was impressed. I want to be like Ed. See, my knees/heels aren't pain free and won't be in this lifetime. But, I can go forward slowly. What I lack is the mental stick-to-it-ive-ness. Yes, I have tons of perseverance, but it usually fades before the end of my physical resources.

So I have some racing challenges in my future where my mental game will get a total workout.

Samskara

This is a new word I learned a few days ago: an unfinished energy pattern that ends up running your life.

I don't know that I have one energy pattern running my life, but there is one past situation to which my brain returns over and over: my monastic experience. I can't seem to forget this. It doesn't help that I look at their web pages and read their news stories. Ultimately, I know that being a nun cooped up on a religious order is not right for me. But the metaphysics of why I went there and who I am outside here continue to bug me.

For instance. On Sunday, I ran 50 miles. It was an incredible experience and went beyond what I thought I was capable of. My ability to run in the late stages of the race was a miracle and far different than any 50 miles race I've run before. At the monastery last Sunday, the sisters were having an open house to show off their remodeling. So they had the Abbot from the nearby men's monastery come over and bless the place. They gave tours. They had food.

When I lived at the monastery, I always hated the sedate lifestyle. And I never was in agreement with the all male Church hierarchy. On the other hand, I loved my 50 mile run.

Now it is Wednesday. I walked 6 miles yesterday, lifted free weights and did another hour of ex-machines. This morning I got up at 5:30 and hit the park in Seabrook at 6:45 for another 9 miles. Now I am taking my car for service and I will work out again this evening. And, I'll repeat the exercise routine for the rest of my vacation. You understand what this means: I was not injured by my 50 mile effort. Being injury free is also a miracle.

I am living my life. It is a real life. But no one bows before me as they do Sister OSB. My ego hates this. I think my ego is the only reason I am still holding up this energy. I picture my ego as a mad dog that attacks a stuffed toy over and over, violently shaking it around; and repeating the performance again tomorrow. If I had achieved enlightenment, perhaps I'd just laugh at the dog. And truly, as soon as I remember to laugh, I am detached and free.

My latest spiritual studies remind me that I will have to practice "conscious awareness" or I'll go back to unconscious ego domination. One of the differences between A Course in Miracles and stuff like Zen is that I am not alone. I have help and I don't have to do anything but step back and be quiet. Whatever/ Whoever the help is, it does work for me.

This morning in Meador park, the huge fat man on the lawnmower stopped his machine and smiled at me as I walked along the path: such a sweet smile!

ACIM Breakthru Moments

I've had a fabulous training weekend. 56 miles over 4 days. Today, I finished up with 33 laps of the short loop in Meador Park. I was there because it has many trees for shade.

Each day, I study the Course in Miracles text. I usually make myself a short paragraph to memorize and take with me throughout the day. Each paragraph of A Course in Miracles presents the same idea over and over; but with different words so that maybe you'll get the idea.

Yesterday, I had a major breakthrough in understanding when in Chapter 13 it said, "The only miracle that ever was is God’s most holy Son..." (We are God's Son). That floored me since it takes much learning for an average American to understand that miracles are not related to winning money or being cured of cancer. Seeing God's Son in everyone is all that's needed to see everyone healed and living in peace.

Today, continuing reading in Chapter 13, I had another breakthrough: I decide what the world means. See, I've spent much time in prayer asking God what is the meaning of my life. "The world can give you only what you gave it, for being nothing but your own projection, it has no meaning apart from what you found in it...Guilt is always in your mind, which has condemned itself. Project it not..."

Right here is where I took power from my ego (defined by ACIM not Freud). There are other parts of Chapter 13 I incorporated into today. And so, my phrases for today became my declaration of freedom:

I have decided that the world means love.
And guilt is always totally insane.
I look within and see the light of love.
I accept Atonement for myself.

I did my jogging to this. Over and over.