I slept in again, til 6:30 that is. I was awake at 4, but not thinking I was going to do big miles today. No need to start really early. Actually, the forecast was for a sunny day and I had no idea how many miles I would do if any.
My spiritual study was hard. I guess I had more work reaction thoughts due to an e-mail. I had to ask again, why do I need to react? I am afraid. Ekhart Tolle "The Power of Now" was saying some things that are dead on true and other things that are nonsense. I had to practice not judging the universe.
At 7:45, I decided to pack up my stuff and go to Meador park for laps. No goals on how many laps.
I had a bunch of liquid in a cooler, in the car which I would pass every 0.36 miles. I wore my heat gear shirt to keep the sun off. My feet and legs were very fine; no issues from the day before.
My prison today was the heat. I thought about it constantly.
My mantra was from A Course in Miracles: This holy instant would I give to you. Be thou in charge for I would follow you, certain that your direction brings me peace. And, lesson 3: I do not understand anything I see.
I saw 3 turtles. The first was in the road when I drove to the park. The car in front of me stopped and the driver got out to move the turtle. That was nice. The second was a small one on the trail. The third was in the bayou. I saw the many fiddler crabs. I saw 2 youngster sea birds, still mottled as young birds are. I saw a large white egret make a nice catch. I saw a big smile on a youthful female runner as she passed me headed home. I think she was happy she was completing her training. She was part of the cross country team.
Yesterday, someone asked me how the dregs of my ego tasted. This question irritated my ego. Really? How egotistical am I really? A bunch. But, I finally worked out the answer. After at least 3:30 hours in the heat, I saw a police helicopter. My ego began a fantasy about how the cops were looking for a killer who was down near me, who was going to kidnap me, ransom me and possibly kill me. That fantasy is insane thinking. But it is also pretty normal human thinking; its just that many people don't notice these insane fantasies. Drinking my dregs, I noticed it and some part of my real self sent out a prayer for mental healing. The dregs of my ego are the fantasies; which I am not.
After that, I was able to identify of the peace of the trees and the quiet presence.
I stopped at 50 laps, 18 miles, 4:39. I had more drinks today. But I didn't want to tear up my toes and ruin tomorrow for running. The temperature was 96-97F the last 3 hours of the run.
Coming home, I had the e-mail I've been checking for. Nope, I won't be going to Germany this month. My ego wanted to start in on me for not being chosen. I was able to watch this. The real me asked for another way to look at this.
I am a conscious person. I see and feel my ego snapping several times a day at some person or situation. I don't outwardly react; but I do feel the emotional jolt. I wish it would stop. Healing the ego's attack mentality is what I need my higher power for. Healing is part of why I pursue spiritual studies. I may not ever be enlightened or wise; but sanity could return. Step 2 of AA is "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." So here I am, nearly 30 years of sobriety and at step 2.
Lots of cars were on Todville Road. Everybody going to Kemah. I will be one of the people not over eating or drinking for the 4th of July. In fact, I'll be hiding from people and jogging in a forest.
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