Frequently, I have negative thoughts early in the morning. In a sense, my spiritual activities and then exercise takes care of them. This morning, I could hear my ego murmuring about a work question: should I take that new position or not?
It is not time to decide. The decision is in the future. But mixed in with the decision is various ego issues like: am I good enough, will I be happy, I am happy now but I can't stand no promotional opportunity, I need to get ahead of colleagues, etc. And then, my knowledge that I am not in the Now. I am not connected to my higher self. And I have no idea how to get that to happen. Any techniques hasn't worked. I just haven't let go.
But the books say your ego doesn't know it anyway. So will I ever know it?
So you can now imagine me becoming more and more upset by this drama. Reading The Power of Now is only making me more upset.
So I got on the treadmill. What an awesome choice. The Gulf coast is so freaking hot and humid. Even before the sun comes up it is 83F. My outside running is consequently slow. But my living room is 71F with a fan blowing right on me. Running in the coolness was terrific!
On my treadmill, I have index cards with parts of the ACIM text written on them. This morning, text 15.V.5 "...You can place any relationship [situation] under His care
and be sure that it will not result in pain, if you offer Him your willingness
to have it serve no need but His...."
Plus lesson 9, "I see nothing as it is now."
This translates into, I don't see this situation as it is now.And also, be willing to let today, my present moment, any choice I make, serve no need but His. For me, the present moment is not enough, there also has to be a Higher Consciousness I am turning over to. Somehow, running on the treadmill and thinking about serving no need but His, surrender happened. I was able to "get" it.
That was early this morning. Now, I can remember it happened. I can almost recall how the understanding felt. But I can't really put all the little bits of thought together and explain it to you.
Why did I call this post "How to Live?" Well, frequently, immediately after my spiritual exercise and during my physical exercise, I get a moment of clarity. In that moment, my ego is gone. Life does not seem so frightening. That is how to live.