I love to check every day to see how many miles people ran and read the inspiration in the blog. I send my mind off into mental running and run forever. This year, I had some days off in July, so I got to do actual miles myself. I went way farther in July than any month ever in my life.
But the race is winding down. 4 more people to finish in the next few days. I won't have that inspiration when the race is over.
I am a person who is continuously thinking about my life and what it is for. I keep trying to eliminate busyness so I can ponder my depths. I can't say I ever find anything. But also, I keep turning outward into the world and being busy with stuff out there. My ego keeps trying to win at something in the world; like career advancement or signing up for races.
My ego will never know God. My ego is a spiritual materialist.
But I. Am I more than an ego? Despite my reading to the contrary, I believe I am more than a small self but a soul or higher connected being. I believe there is an unsuspected inner resource. Something more.
The thing is: I know I am making progress but my ego doesn't know.
I am more than 55 years old. I won't be leaving a legacy as I was taught 20 years ago in corporate seminars. I have a great job and where I live is nice too. But as the days pass, these things don't satisfy. My ego wants more. But there is no more.
The answer has to be inside. That is just all there is to it.
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