Friday, November 23, 2012

Thanksgiving Hermitage - day 2

Other than the internet and nods to people in the park, I haven't spoken or interacted for 2 days. I didn't need anything at the store and that is usually where I interact on weekends. Or the AA meeting I've gone to a couple of times is on Saturday evening.

I entered a race. I bought some running shoes and RockTape and Doctor Krackers. I paid the corporate credit card bill. I posted on my internet running club.

I've so far worked out 10.6 hours including 2 strength sessions and 33 miles.

I finished one nun book and am halfway through another. One of the books had a chapter on a nun I actually know. She was nearly the most friendly of the sisters in my monastery; and the one whose advice I did not take on the eve of my crash and burn. If I had, I'd probably be dying behind those 4 walls. Instead, I was honest with myself and others. Hence, I find myself here.

My ACIM lesson is: I am one Self, united with my creator, at one with every aspect of creation, unlimited in power and in peace.

I said that lesson in my head while jogging. I also dream while I jog. I dream of endless miles and upcoming races.

My desire to be a nun was driven by a desire to engage in contemplation. This desire came from reading too much Merton and Zen (haha, what a combination). I wanted to shamelessly follow Jesus and live a life of prayer. I thought you had to leave the world of distractions.

I sit alone with my thoughts, sifting through both A Course in Miracles and other books. I sift through the endless miles and races. I feel the incredible responsibility I bear as a process safety engineer in a large chempark. Especially now as we enter a period of construction and then startup. Process Safety is always blamed for not catching the mistakes of others.

As I ran today, I felt good. I can't run 100 miles. But 50 miles is sort of a normal thing. 50 miles I take in stride.

In the world, this is holy:
But I am this:

I was setting up my personal aid station at the start of Ultracentric. The blue top I have on I got during my trip to Germany 3 weeks ago. Only 70 euros (a freakishly high number of dollars).

In A Course in Miracles, we all are holy and the point of the practice is to remember it. ACIM is about content not form. ACIM is undoing specialness. I can look like anything or do anything, and practice the thought training. Salvation is a state of mind.

Do you know how emotionally difficult it is to decline to go along with society at every turn? I don't expect a spiritual benefit or propose that I am closer to God than anyone. I'm not special. I propose that I need to undo society programming by not adding to what I already have and slowly undoing past programming.

In a few minutes, I am going upstairs to lift weights. Then I will come down and ride the nordic track for a bit. I just ate a favorite meal: melted cheese sandwich and coffee with peppermint mocha creamer.

I don't really need to go to the store tomorrow. We'll see if I talk to anyone. I know I'll nod at the people in the park.

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