Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Eat and Run
Honestly, I usually intake 2,200 kcal/day. That is not that much below the average. I could be gaining weight just like everyone else; except I exercise 2 hours a ,and barely stay ahead of weight increases. For weight maintenance, for me, it doesn't matter if its any particular type of food. Too many calories is too many calories no matter how healthy.
I eat healthy but too much.
Being a solitary in silence at home, I notice more thoughts than people distracted with others in their household or constant media input (TV on all the time). So when I pack my lunch in the morning, trying to decide what food to bring to last for 10 hours, I feel the fear of starving. No really.
There is no chance I will starve anytime soon, but the fear of not having food ready to hand does exist in my brain. It is an amazing thing to understand.
It s not just a fear of starvation. It is a need for satisfaction. Sitting quietly in an office, I can feel its ongoing urge. But no reasonable amount of food will ever fill this need. All the reasonable amount of food is gone before I ever know it.
There is never a happy lets stop now. I may force a stopping point after eating all the food and looking for more. The feeling of full lasts briefly. As soon as there is an iota of room inside, I eat. I try a piece of sugar free gum for temporary relief.
Do you realize how strong is this programming and how powerless over it, especially if unconscious of it.
I also realize that my brain is not capable of eating less. I can shift around what I eat; but the ability to not eat is not within my current synapse logic prose.