This morning, I had a new thought decision. I've decided I no longer will say "I don't want to be alive" or "I'm not here for any particular purpose"; I've decided to choose why I will live. I am free in that regard.
See, my whole life, I've compared myself to others and seen them doing much more worthy things. Or they had religious validation. Or they were more enlightened. Or they were part of families and caring for others. It is true that I have no particular place in society and no one else cares if I am here or not. If I disappeared, hardly anyone would notice. I interpreted this situation as meaning that I don't need to be alive and have no reason to be here.
This is not correct and it has been corrected. My purpose in life happens to be more abstract than others. I have the gift of life; but I happen to believe that the biggest part of that gift is not in this world. I've decided to stop trashing the gift, accept it and choose to move forward with it.
Did I tell you? I just started reading the Course in Miracles Text for the 8th time since July of 2007. I always find new things I missed before. My goal is to read very slowly and savor each thing said.
Here is a map of my next race:
I will be running a 50k (31 miles) along an old railroad bed across the southern Missouri countryside. I'll probably take about 7 hours to do it. It is a small race; a few compatriots going 50k or 50 miles. It is nothing like Boston. And here is where my philosophy departs from this world into the abstract.
I have qualified for Boston but never entered. I could have been there this year. I look at the thousands of people and know it is one of the last places I'd ever want to be. And with my attitude, I realize that Boston is just a media hype. Without the marketing and media, it would just be another big city marathon.
I've run marathons and longer races under hot and humid conditions . I don't know why everyone is crying so bad about how hot Boston was. It didn't crack 90F for instance.