No, it wasn't bright lights or euphoria. But a moment of extreme clarity and complete understanding. Of what? For a moment, I had a complete understanding of how I am joy and if I live consciously from that truth, the illusion changes to total happiness and joy.
I'm not sure I still have a grasp on that knowing which was so clear a couple hours ago when I was exercising.
It came to me in terms of picking races. What if.....personal bests and Boston Qualifications are created way before the day of the race and everything that happens is created metaphysically of thoughts?
So, let me start with the idea I want to have a happy race. I give this idea to Spirit and let Him plan. I just go along. Then, I go to the race calendar and see whats on there. Lets say that some race leaps out at me as one I really want to do. Coupled with the idea the Spirit is in charge, I enter that race because I know thats the one selected for me by Spirit.
So, now, I just go about my training, picking my race day outfit, planning travel, etc, secure in the knowledge I will have a happy day. I know the "moons will line up" (or that I'll be lucky) because Spirit is in charge of giving me a happy day.
But what if I don't trust Spirit? What if I am afraid I won't get what I want? What if I think God answers prayers by sending difficulties? Then, I didn't really want a happy day. I really want fear and pain. If thats what I want, then that is what I get because I wanted it.
So, I just bring these openly to Spirit and they go away.
As I pondered the idea that my best races were actually planned for me by Spirit and that I just trusted and went along, giving all credit to Spirit, suddenly the universe disappears. Truly it is an illusion. I did nothing. All was Spirit. I am spirit.
It is a metaphysical truth: the universe does not exist, so I can change it.
The Frisco 50, next Saturday, seems to be such a race. On the day I thought of it, I had clicked submit and purchase airplane tickets without qualms of any sort. Same with the Copper Mountain Half on June 30. But no matter how much I pondered a race in Tulsa, I just didn't feel comfortable with entering. At work, there was an assignment I delayed on because I couldn't decide what to do with it. Then, I got some additional information and suddenly, I knew what had to be done. What if I was waiting for a spiritual moment to move easily forward instead of forcing this myself? Things go badly when I force them myself.
I can't explan how clear this was during a moment of clarity. I totally knew the truth. Now, hours later, I can't explain it but I still know it. I also know that another glimmer will arrive and that one will stay longer and be clearer.
My psalm for today, devised last night is:
Today I wake to joy expecting but
the happy things of God to come to me.
I awaken every moment.