Quiet....

...is peace in my soul. In a very conscious way, I enforce it in my mind.

The only way I keep from sinking into utter and total hatred for myself is to continuously practice disciplined thinking. If I don't control my thoughts, they circle around and around, further and further into fear and hate. I don't care if this is spiritual or not. I need to do it for sanity.

My running since moving to Texas has changed. I haven't quite identified why "things" are different. so I am patient. I love going out for 4 hour jog/walks. I go very slow and this keeps me from irritating what seems to be a heel spur. I still wish I could just run endlessly. But also, when I am cross training in my house, I like to put ear plugs in (so I can't hear the equipment) and shut my eyes and put my mind on repeating Course in Miracles Lessons. This turns into an endless dream of nothing just as much as running does. Maybe more since I am in solitude when I do it.

Today, I woke up at my lowest weight since September 2011. I haven't been doing much to lose weight; but during my move and transition last November and December, I did over eat a little and put on about 4 pounds.

But what is becoming clear to me is that my body hardly needs any calories to maintain weight. So if I expect to age as an athlete (not becoming obese like to many of my gender), then I'll need to keep up the exercise. I can't see 1500 calories/day as a successful endeavor. But 2000 cal/day with over an hour of exercise is completely doable. I've been doing that for over a year. It is a reality of modern life. I am essentially sedentary except for exercise. I have high cravings if I attempt to limit calories very much. the easiest thing for me to do is to keep up the workouts.

Tomorrow I am going in a half marathon trail run. It is in a state park which is supposed to have alligators. I hope to see some!