Let me face it: I want something from God.
This realization became so clear last night. I was meditating on light and the thought struck me: can I be here without any requests, for no purpose? I immediately wanted to do this one thing, meditate, without a demand on the universe. And I can, right after I realize I need to stop demanding and just sit in the light.
It feels very good to drop the demands of God. God is the one thing I should want to relate to without asking for anything; cuz in His presence, I have everything.