This year, probably because my life is in such transition anyway, the annual milestone is causing great reflection. Yesterday, the occupational medicine department at work got ahold of me and drew samples along with various tests. I will next week meet the doctor and see how well modern medicine thinks I am.
The main point of reflection came out of the question: what does it mean to be human? Or what does it mean to be alive at all?
See, I've not ever been a person who really wanted to be here. And since leaving the monastery, I've had to come to my own conclusions about why I am alive. I could let a religion tell me; or somebody's book/blog. But it is really more important for me to decide on my own why I am alive.
I have studied several religions. I have read other peoples opinions. I am a product of middle class America. So the chances of me believing anything too radical seem at the outset quite slim.
I have the following points:
- I do find myself leaning more and more to the "reality is an illusion" theory of being. Even so, I believe the illusion and act as if I was here pretty much the same as everyone else.
- I don't need to stay alive because of family responsibilities as most people do.
- I can stand behind continuing to participate in the illusion if I have a purpose given me by something greater than me. I'm willing to uphold my end of a deal with a higher power.
- The higher power could be a soul, a self or God.
- I am happiest when I surrender my life moment by moment to God; believing that the peace of God is everywhere, always and that I actually live in it. I can experience this peace whenever I chose to stop experienceing everything else. That is, if I give peace priority as the top level of my consciousness, and not the illusion of the world, then I am experiencing peace. This works everytime.