This week, my first full week as a Texas resident, I did pretty good with running: 51 miles. I moved into my new home on Thursday and got the exercise and strength equipment set up. On Saturday and Sunday, I was able to complete free weight and TRX workouts.
My daily spiritual workouts have continued unabated: early morning reading and meditation, evening lesson and meditation and reflection.
What I have been reflecting on are changes during the past 8 years since leaving the monastery. I mean inner changes. For several years, I had a drive to prove myself the spiritual equal of the sisters. So I was intense about my spiritual practices and I was intent on achieving enlightenment. I wanted enlightenment long before I went to the monastery. In fact, the whole cloister adventure was one of my attempts to be enlightened. But after leaving I was very intent on proving myself better than them at spiritual achievement.
Slowly however, over the past 4 years, maybe as a result of A Course in Miracles, I've been having increased inner peace and less focus on enlightenment or any other spiritual credential. What I have to admit though is that true inner peace has no high emotional moments and inner peace is nothing to write home about. I'm sort of at a rubber-meets-the-road with inner peace.
My journey is really an interior journey. Going further inward means more inner peace and less ego motivation. Do I really want to live without the kudos? Do I want the true joy of inner peace?
I'm sure I can sense the presence of love all around me. I also generate the action of love in helping others as well as accepting their gifts to me. The journey home leads into eternal silence, wordless unimaginable to us average humans. Yet I find my self continuing to look there and continuing to want to go deeper.
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