Yesterday, I quit a marathon. I thought because my toe hurt and I was too hot. I didn't feel like suffering.
Today, indeed, the toe had a massive blister. I went for a 4 mile jog/walk. Indeed, my legs are tired and a little bit of DOMs; tape on the toe and a pair of shoes with the toe cut out and I think nothing is really that bad.
I ponder that strange synapse in my brain which triggers flight and I am powerless over it. I watch other people over come pain, much more than my own. But once my flight reflex / synapse trips, I'm gone. Doesn't matter what you say to me. I can't solve any of my problems. I just go.
This has happened in several ultra-marathons. It happened yesterday in a marathon; probably because I had no real need to finish that race. Then the morning after: why didn't I think of doing X or Y or Z which would have helped the problem and I could finish?
Time after time, I approach the barrier and fall back. My brain says that the pain is illogical and suddenly, I am gone. Maybe my ultra-running attempts are about exploring this mental situation. That synapse is primal. It is triggered in my brain long before any serious harm.
Well, I had signed up for another double marathon at the end of May. I haven't cancelled my hotel. I'm sure I'm going to try the experiment again.
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Saturday, April 25, 2015
Marathon #46 plus a DNF
I am about to say something to the ether, that is anyone who reads this.
I am about to get tangled up in pseudo-spirituality and contradictory God consciousness.
Lets say I've been directing my meditation and spiritual reading towards the inner. Towards service to The Universe and not myself. My life is not my own. There is a higher consciousness from which I receive intuition and guidance. I feel that today's DNF was service and not self serving.
Now how do I tell you a story and not sound egotistical. I can't.
Here's what I think. Several weeks ago, I went in the Irving marathon. I felt sure my friend cheated. Now I don't know exactly what happened but they did add about 2 hours to her time. She is the Race Director for the races I was at this weekend. She has always been super nice to me and was great yesterday when I finished marathon #46. I didn't judge her for Irving. I just wanted to do my marathons and she was having races for me to do.
Today, I was attempting to do another marathon; second in 2 days. I started at 5:30 am to get alot done before the San Antonio sun started to beat on me. Things went ok for about 4 laps, half way there. Lap 5 was hot. Lap 6 I was struggling with the heat and a toe nail. To finish lap 6 would give me almost 20 miles. But there was still 2 laps, about 6.66 miles to go. I would have had to walk those miles in the hot sun. I would have had to limp a bit because of the toe. I didn't want to do it. I could have. I didn't see the point.
During the 6th lap, I realized I could stop. I couldn't imagine walking for 2 hours in the direct sun. I could just stop. Pack it in for the day. Do marathon #47 some other day.
When I got back to the aid station, I told them I was quitting. It was too hot for me. The RD tried to convince me to keep going. But I just said I didn't want to kill myself over a race. I jumped in the car and drove the 4 hours back to Houston.
What did I do? I showed someone that it is possible to just quit. The egotistical part is thinking that I was serving The Universe, or carrying out God's will for me by showing this person that you can quit. It is ok to have a DNF instead of cheating and saying you finished.
This woman wants to break the Guiness record for number of marathons done. In the chase, she has stress fractures. In the chase, something fishy happened at Irving. I suspect if I go look at the race results from yesterday, it will show that she ran a marathon when I know she didn't.
What about marathon #46? I guess at this point, I say it went well but was fairly uneventful.
The race director insists on Iran colors and symbolism. Her heritage is Iranian, but she has been in the US for 40 years. So I bought myself a USA running top from USATF before going to this race. Here is a picture of me in my 1980 top with my medal. I hope I look as good as Shalane Flannigan.
I will also say that since I only went 20 miles today instead of 26, I'm feeling pretty good. I'll take it.
I am about to get tangled up in pseudo-spirituality and contradictory God consciousness.
Lets say I've been directing my meditation and spiritual reading towards the inner. Towards service to The Universe and not myself. My life is not my own. There is a higher consciousness from which I receive intuition and guidance. I feel that today's DNF was service and not self serving.
Now how do I tell you a story and not sound egotistical. I can't.
Here's what I think. Several weeks ago, I went in the Irving marathon. I felt sure my friend cheated. Now I don't know exactly what happened but they did add about 2 hours to her time. She is the Race Director for the races I was at this weekend. She has always been super nice to me and was great yesterday when I finished marathon #46. I didn't judge her for Irving. I just wanted to do my marathons and she was having races for me to do.
Today, I was attempting to do another marathon; second in 2 days. I started at 5:30 am to get alot done before the San Antonio sun started to beat on me. Things went ok for about 4 laps, half way there. Lap 5 was hot. Lap 6 I was struggling with the heat and a toe nail. To finish lap 6 would give me almost 20 miles. But there was still 2 laps, about 6.66 miles to go. I would have had to walk those miles in the hot sun. I would have had to limp a bit because of the toe. I didn't want to do it. I could have. I didn't see the point.
During the 6th lap, I realized I could stop. I couldn't imagine walking for 2 hours in the direct sun. I could just stop. Pack it in for the day. Do marathon #47 some other day.
When I got back to the aid station, I told them I was quitting. It was too hot for me. The RD tried to convince me to keep going. But I just said I didn't want to kill myself over a race. I jumped in the car and drove the 4 hours back to Houston.
What did I do? I showed someone that it is possible to just quit. The egotistical part is thinking that I was serving The Universe, or carrying out God's will for me by showing this person that you can quit. It is ok to have a DNF instead of cheating and saying you finished.
This woman wants to break the Guiness record for number of marathons done. In the chase, she has stress fractures. In the chase, something fishy happened at Irving. I suspect if I go look at the race results from yesterday, it will show that she ran a marathon when I know she didn't.
What about marathon #46? I guess at this point, I say it went well but was fairly uneventful.
The race director insists on Iran colors and symbolism. Her heritage is Iranian, but she has been in the US for 40 years. So I bought myself a USA running top from USATF before going to this race. Here is a picture of me in my 1980 top with my medal. I hope I look as good as Shalane Flannigan.
I will also say that since I only went 20 miles today instead of 26, I'm feeling pretty good. I'll take it.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
That Time of Year
Interesting time of year. On Sunday, the Sri Chinmoy 6 and 10 day races got started. That means daily installments of the Perfection Journey blog. People are running around a park in NYC for 6 or 10 days. But also, Monday was the Boston Marathon. Totally different idea. Thousands of runners and streets lined with spectators, drama and specialness galore.
The 6 and 10 day races make me wish for miles and wish I could do a race like that. I can't. So what can I do? I am going to wander out of town and do two marathons in two days; in a small race, on a bike path, where I can pretty much lose myself in heat and sweat and miles.
Another retreat in the making. I wonder where my head will go this time.
The 6 and 10 day races make me wish for miles and wish I could do a race like that. I can't. So what can I do? I am going to wander out of town and do two marathons in two days; in a small race, on a bike path, where I can pretty much lose myself in heat and sweat and miles.
Another retreat in the making. I wonder where my head will go this time.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Vegetarian
I am not a vegan. Occasionally I eat cheese and once in awhile an egg.
This week's news about bird flu in chickens in Iowa does cause me once again to evaluate my egg and or cheese choices.
I heard on NPR that in the US, billions of chickens are produced each year. The 5 million killed in Iowa is a drop in the bucket. Think about those numbers.
What happens at the farm with the diseased birds? The USDA moves in. Birds are sprayed with some type of poisonous foam. Then a hole is dug on the farm and they are buried there. Wonder how big a hole is needed for 5 million chickens?
So really, am I proud of supporting this industry by buying an egg now and then?
This week's news about bird flu in chickens in Iowa does cause me once again to evaluate my egg and or cheese choices.
I heard on NPR that in the US, billions of chickens are produced each year. The 5 million killed in Iowa is a drop in the bucket. Think about those numbers.
What happens at the farm with the diseased birds? The USDA moves in. Birds are sprayed with some type of poisonous foam. Then a hole is dug on the farm and they are buried there. Wonder how big a hole is needed for 5 million chickens?
So really, am I proud of supporting this industry by buying an egg now and then?
Sunday, April 19, 2015
A Morning of Inspiration
When I went to bed last night, I was pondering how I haven't had a feeling of spiritual energy in a while. That is, I used to get all excited about some new conviction but as I let go of my ego involvement, I feel conviction less and less. I purposefully restrict ego reward activities and instead sit in silence. So the high points go away. I edge toward Truth which must be a non-ego event.
This morning, I couldn't focus on my watch and thought it was late so I leaped out of bed. Getting down stairs I realized it was an hour earlier than I thought. So I had plenty of time for spiritual study and meditation.
"Begrudgingly" was the word that came out of my first meditations. What I was feeling was sort of like this: new people come begrudgingly into AA and begrudgingly try to work the steps. What is received, even from a begrudging effort, is so fantastic. A whole new body, mind and spirit comes through this way of life; totally different from the drunks we come in as.
This brought me to my long term sobriety and how did it come about. The words that meditation brought into my mind were "Spiritual Sobriety." See, I have been a seeker after God for decades; but a majority of that time, at least until recently, was chasing after "Enlightenment." Today for the first time I realized that enlightenment, and my efforts to force God to give it, is spiritual drunken-ness. Not spiritual sobriety.
But recently, my efforts at life have been directed toward what the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions calls "the satisfactions of right living" and "true humility." I've been actively attempting to stop living my life by self propulsion and running the show myself. I feel much more spiritually sober.
I was pondering the situation which happens with meditation; how we can keep our thoughts quiet only for very brief periods of time. Then two thoughts from the Big Book came into my mind. First the one about how some of us grasp AA as a drowning person grasps a life preserver. Second about the Sunlight of the Spirit. I thought of my life as a drowning person who occasionally has the strength to kick their head above water and grab a lungful of wonderful life giving air; and then sinking back down into the underwater struggle. Above the water is the Sunlight of the Spirit. The water is our resentments and ordinary ego world.
My spiritual life is like this. When I quiet my thoughts for even a few seconds, it is like sticking my head into the sunlight of the spirit. My begrudging part is that I don't sit in silence for hours a day. I spend about an hour in the morning and 10 minutes at night. Not much. But for even this paltry effort, I receive so much.
This morning, I couldn't focus on my watch and thought it was late so I leaped out of bed. Getting down stairs I realized it was an hour earlier than I thought. So I had plenty of time for spiritual study and meditation.
"Begrudgingly" was the word that came out of my first meditations. What I was feeling was sort of like this: new people come begrudgingly into AA and begrudgingly try to work the steps. What is received, even from a begrudging effort, is so fantastic. A whole new body, mind and spirit comes through this way of life; totally different from the drunks we come in as.
This brought me to my long term sobriety and how did it come about. The words that meditation brought into my mind were "Spiritual Sobriety." See, I have been a seeker after God for decades; but a majority of that time, at least until recently, was chasing after "Enlightenment." Today for the first time I realized that enlightenment, and my efforts to force God to give it, is spiritual drunken-ness. Not spiritual sobriety.
But recently, my efforts at life have been directed toward what the book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions calls "the satisfactions of right living" and "true humility." I've been actively attempting to stop living my life by self propulsion and running the show myself. I feel much more spiritually sober.
I was pondering the situation which happens with meditation; how we can keep our thoughts quiet only for very brief periods of time. Then two thoughts from the Big Book came into my mind. First the one about how some of us grasp AA as a drowning person grasps a life preserver. Second about the Sunlight of the Spirit. I thought of my life as a drowning person who occasionally has the strength to kick their head above water and grab a lungful of wonderful life giving air; and then sinking back down into the underwater struggle. Above the water is the Sunlight of the Spirit. The water is our resentments and ordinary ego world.
My spiritual life is like this. When I quiet my thoughts for even a few seconds, it is like sticking my head into the sunlight of the spirit. My begrudging part is that I don't sit in silence for hours a day. I spend about an hour in the morning and 10 minutes at night. Not much. But for even this paltry effort, I receive so much.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
Sunday, April 12, 2015
Of Bunny Rabbits and Fiddler Crabs
All is well with the wild life in Seabrook.
Yesterday, I did a 16,5 mile jog walk around all the trails in Seabrook. I noticed many bunny rabbits. I hadn't seen them in previous weeks, so maybe they wait until after Easter to come out.
Yesterday it was supposed to rain. It did not. It was warm and cloudy and about 70F with a breeze. I had enough drink to do 4 hours or more, so I did it. I love the new trails with their trees. I liked saying hi to the regular runners. All the dogs owners were mindful to keep their dogs to themselves. I really enjoyed that run. It hardly feels like I ran the Irving marathon a week ago.
Today it was raining, but hey, this is Texas so it was warm. I got wet but not terribly so. I stayed in Meador park where there were puddles on the trails but it wasn't muddy. I saw more bunny rabbits but also the snails in the bayou have been replaced with millions of fiddler crabs. I once again had to watch my step to keep from crushing one or two. And the ducks and other sea birds.
The rain and clouds kept the temps down for about 8 miles. Then the sun started to peek out. Temps soared and I was in a sauna for about an hour. My first sweat fest of the year. Bring it on!
In two weeks I'm doing a double marathon in San Antonio. That is, two marathons in two days. It has been more than 2 years since I did such a thing. That is why I have been doing high mileage both days of the weekend.
These races in San Antonio are very small, maybe 20 people, but they qualify for Marathon Maniacs, they do provide aid and timing. It is very relaxing to me. I crave the idea of just doing miles and then retreating to a hotel room until the next day.
Yesterday, I did a 16,5 mile jog walk around all the trails in Seabrook. I noticed many bunny rabbits. I hadn't seen them in previous weeks, so maybe they wait until after Easter to come out.
Yesterday it was supposed to rain. It did not. It was warm and cloudy and about 70F with a breeze. I had enough drink to do 4 hours or more, so I did it. I love the new trails with their trees. I liked saying hi to the regular runners. All the dogs owners were mindful to keep their dogs to themselves. I really enjoyed that run. It hardly feels like I ran the Irving marathon a week ago.
Today it was raining, but hey, this is Texas so it was warm. I got wet but not terribly so. I stayed in Meador park where there were puddles on the trails but it wasn't muddy. I saw more bunny rabbits but also the snails in the bayou have been replaced with millions of fiddler crabs. I once again had to watch my step to keep from crushing one or two. And the ducks and other sea birds.
The rain and clouds kept the temps down for about 8 miles. Then the sun started to peek out. Temps soared and I was in a sauna for about an hour. My first sweat fest of the year. Bring it on!
In two weeks I'm doing a double marathon in San Antonio. That is, two marathons in two days. It has been more than 2 years since I did such a thing. That is why I have been doing high mileage both days of the weekend.
These races in San Antonio are very small, maybe 20 people, but they qualify for Marathon Maniacs, they do provide aid and timing. It is very relaxing to me. I crave the idea of just doing miles and then retreating to a hotel room until the next day.
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