Marathon #46 plus a DNF

I am about to say something to the ether, that is anyone who reads this.

I am about to get tangled up in pseudo-spirituality and contradictory God consciousness.

Lets say I've been directing my meditation and spiritual reading towards the inner. Towards service to The Universe and not myself. My life is not my own. There is a higher consciousness from which I receive intuition and guidance. I feel that today's DNF was service and not self serving.

Now how do I tell you a story and not sound egotistical. I can't.

Here's what I think. Several weeks ago, I went in the Irving marathon. I felt sure my friend cheated. Now I don't know exactly what happened but they did add about 2 hours to her time. She is the Race Director for the races I was at this weekend. She has always been super nice to me and was great yesterday when I finished marathon #46. I didn't judge her for Irving. I just wanted to do my marathons and she was having races for me to do.

Today, I was attempting to do another marathon; second in 2 days. I started at 5:30 am to get alot done before the San Antonio sun started to beat on me. Things went ok for about 4 laps, half way there. Lap 5 was hot. Lap 6 I was struggling with the heat and a toe nail. To finish lap 6 would give me almost 20 miles. But there was still 2 laps, about 6.66 miles to go. I would have had to walk those miles in the hot sun. I would have had to limp a bit because of the toe. I didn't want to do it. I could have. I didn't see the point.

During the 6th lap, I realized I could stop. I couldn't imagine walking for 2 hours in the direct sun. I could just stop. Pack it in for the day. Do marathon #47 some other day.

When I got back to the aid station, I told them I was quitting. It was too hot for me. The RD tried to convince me to keep going. But I just said I didn't want to kill myself over a race. I jumped in the car and drove the 4 hours back to Houston.

What did I do? I showed someone that it is possible to just quit. The egotistical part is thinking that I was serving The Universe, or carrying out God's will for me by showing this person that you can quit. It is ok to have a DNF instead of cheating and saying you finished.

This woman wants to break the Guiness record for number of marathons done. In the chase, she has stress fractures. In the chase, something fishy happened at Irving. I suspect if I go look at the race results from yesterday, it will show that she ran a marathon when I know she didn't.

What about marathon #46? I guess at this point, I say it went well but was fairly uneventful.

The race director insists on Iran colors and symbolism. Her heritage is Iranian, but she has been in the US for 40 years. So I bought myself a USA running top from USATF before going to this race. Here is a picture of me in my 1980 top with my medal. I hope I look as good as Shalane Flannigan.

I will also say that since I only went 20 miles today instead of 26, I'm feeling pretty good. I'll take it.

Achievement

Yesterday, I was talking to a lady who runs 60 to 70 marathons a year. There was a man in the race who has run 250 and another lady who has run 350.

I've been a runner for 40 years. It has never crossed my mind to focus on that many marathons; or even keep track of how many I have run beyond the past year or two.

I was realizing the human propensity for raising the bar on ourselves. Nothing is ever enough for us. Bucking this trend is part of my spiritual program. My life is not based on achieving higher numbers. So after my marathon, I return to metaphysics. What was I creating in that day with those people. The man who ran 250 marathons is also a preacher. He managed to give our little group of runners a 2 minute sermon about Samuel which was interesting and not mention Jesus Christ at all.

Today I run/walked 18 miles. This run was on top of yesterday's 26 mile race. I could feel the tiredness after about the first hour. I didn't plan to go more than 13 miles, but I wasn't able to stop myself. Give me some water and a couple of Clif Shots and not much pain and there is no telling how long I'll go.

After 17 miles, I realized: there is no chain, no end.

This evening I went to an AA meeting. It was a birthday meeting so 2 people told their stories. Other people have such dramatic stories. I don't really like listening to them. But just sitting in the meeting gave me the humility to be grateful for sobriety.

I am no longer jealous of people who had gurus, who had magnificent spiritual teachers, who channelled wisdom,  or  had supernatural help. I've come to believe in my inner Teacher. My moment of clarity came yesterday. I was thinking about a Course in Miracles. If I project this dream of a world, then I also projected the course into my life. In a sense, I created it and my Teacher speaks through it.

The dream of my life does keep getting better. I don't really know why I had to move to Texas. But I feel this place embracing me. Even as I meet the same people at races, I know I'm becoming Texan. I don't think I ever was a mid-westerner, or felt like Missouri wanted me. I know that I am a 60s style Californian. But I see that it goes ok with Texans.

I Ran Marathons

I have signed up for a marathon this Saturday. I was investigating the outfit who puts on "I Ran Marathons." It turns out the originator is a lady I met at Ultracentric who walked for at least 48 hours with one arm in a sling. Very inspiring. She did always smile at me. I'll be rubbing shoulders with some hardcore marathon addicts this weekend.

In a sense, dreaming of endless marathons is dreaming BIG.

My spiritual quest goes on. Sometimes I take a break from A Course in Miracles and read the notebooks of Paul Brunton. I'm reading number 8 now. I think I have about 20 or more. He claims to be an independent mystic, with a background in the east and in Quakers.  He seemed logical enough, but ..... this morning I read where his major spiritual experience took place in delirium from a tropical disease.

Back to square one.

Most of the enlightenment experiences I read of are related to drama, physical or emotional. Like, God doesn't come til we are desperate enough. I somewhat reject the idea that God only comes to the desperate. If God is love, then there must be another way.

We rarely read of the spiritual experience which comes from a long term intentional sanctification. Mine is the long term variety. My quest is a daily effort of letting go of ego and listening to the Voice for God. The dopamine or the hormones are not doing the job.

This path requires attempting to believe there is a higher consciousness and entrusting more each day to that consciousness. At the end of the day, I've had a happy day. That is all I have.