Epic Win

I have a retrocalcaneal heel spur. This means that the back of any shoe pushes my achilles tendon against a sharp line of calcium build up. It hurts.

So, about 2 weeks ago, I got an idea. I've been experimenting with the idea. Today, I proclaimed the idea a winner.

Its not for anyone who wants to run fast, or on trails; but for a jogger like me, it works great.

Here it is: the pain free Haglund's shoe.

Yes, it is missing a portion of heel right where the greatest pain is. But still enough heel that if you want to stick a Dirty Girls gaiter over the opening, you can. But on paved roads, no issue. I wear thick socks and lace up tight. The shoe doesn't come off.

Brummerhop Park

Brummerhop is a very tiny park. But much of it is tree shaded. That is why I spend so much time there in the summer. So, the long jog yesterday went well. Today, I did another 2 hour jog. My heel doesn't feel too bad. Good news. I'm starting to think that the massive pain from last weekend was caused by running on the concrete bridge.

Jogging in Brummerhop could be eternal. That is, if you are there often enough and long enough, you lose track of where you are. Time loses its meaning and you just are.

I came home and again waited for Mr AC to show up. Finally.....he came and the AC is ready for another year.

I think I might go ride my bike around El Lago for afternoon exercise.

Done Deal

Actually, I finally realized the deal was done long ago. I just hadn't fully realized or accepted it.

Today is my 9/80 Friday off. So the first thing that happened is that I slept in. Then, I had a leisurely period of spiritual study. In fact I am in chapter 16.VII of A Course in Miracles text. Here is a little bit of what I read which possibly could be understood by a non-course student.

"Do not underestimate the intensity of the ego’s drive for vengeance on the past. It is completely savage and completely insane. For the ego remembers everything you have done that has offended it, and seeks retribution of you. The fantasies it brings to its chosen relationships in which to act out its hate are fantasies of your destruction. For the ego holds the past against you, and in your escape from the past it sees itself deprived of the vengeance it believes you so justly merit. Yet without your alliance in your own destruction, the ego could not hold you to the past. In the special relationship you are allowing your destruction to be. That this is insane is obvious. But what is less obvious is that the present is useless to you while you pursue the ego’s goal as its ally....Against the ego’s insane notion of salvation the Holy Spirit gently lays the holy instant. We said before that the Holy Spirit must teach through comparisons, and uses opposites to point to truth. The holy instant is the opposite of the ego’s fixed belief in salvation through vengeance for the past. In the holy instant it is understood that the past is gone, and with its passing the drive for vengeance has been uprooted and has disappeared. The stillness and the peace of now enfold you in perfect gentleness. Everything is gone except the truth."

I pondered "destruction" and "hate fantasies" and the "holy instant". I was able to disgorge some nasty thoughts which were quietly playing in my mind and give these to whatever spiritual power there is.

Then I read Uptal's Perfection Journey blog. http://perfectionjourney.org/  I was inspired by the stories of the runners.

Then I loaded up my water bottles and headed to Brummerhop park intending just to walk laps for awhile. Quite quickly I got to my revelation about "Done Deal." I remembered the fateful day near the Jaffa Gate in old Jerusalem. I was 22 or so. I was watching a couple of Hassidic men in fur hats and beards and ear locks walk into the Via Delarosa. I had a tiny thought, "If they are willing to dress like that, there must be something to this God thing."

I was not a meditator at the time, so it is amazing that I noticed that one little thought. Except that I instantly answered yes. In that moment, I became a God seeker and nothing has since been able to knock me off track. So, in the religious sense, it was in that moment that I became married to the God quest. I didn't really need monastic profession to validate the commitment. It is a done deal. I said I do, or I will, and that is that.

It was jogging in super hot, super humid, small and secret Brummerhop park today that I finally realized the truth of my being. Doing laps in Brummerhop park is an existential activity. It is the equal of sitting on a cushion or attending Mass. All is communion.

Nothing needs to be added to anyone to achieve holiness. It is merely a matter of saying yes and accepting conscious contact with a higher power. I said yes long ago and the practice of conscious contact has never abated.

Self Transcendence

So inspiring, the amount of miles completed at the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race, which ends in 6 days:

 And here is why my foot hurts (Haglund's deformity):

Today is my Friday and next week is business travel. Almost as soon as I get back, I go to a race in Wyoming where I'll also see a friend.

I am ready to do slow walking in the Houston heat. I actually love doing this. Very meditative.

Inner Journey

From Anton Krupika's blog, where he runs:

Today, I jumped on my elliptical, closed my eyes and ran the mountains. I ran the desert too:

And the plains:

My journey is mostly inner. I am grateful to A Course in Miracles for the many spiritual gifts over the past 6 years.

Scraping Bed Rock

Without getting cancer, a serious brain injury, going to war, fasting 40 days, or er um any number of traumatic life experiences, how can I get to the root and ground of my being?

Well, as of today, I know it is totally possible if you work at it every day. I feel that bed rock becoming visible under my shovel. I scrape and scrape and I see rock beginning to appear.

Today's experience involves the re-appearing and disappearing pain in my foot; plus the decision about the tatoo. Well, it started with A Course in Miracles and "The Special Hate Relationship." Eye opening to remember this, my 9th reading.

Then I went to the Kemah bridge. I really enjoyed running back and forth for an hour. Then I cased the tatoo joint, washed the car and bought groceries. The bridge run went well, but after the groceries, I went over to Brummerhop park. This was more depressing and painful. I should have stuck with cross training.

Eventually, after 6 miles, I came home, got cleaned up, ate, rested, jumped on the elliptical for a little, then went back to the tatoo joint. I had a nice discussion with one of the artists; but finally decided to think about it some more.

See, the tatoo won't fix anything. I want it to show off I guess. I got in the car to go to an AA meeting, but turned around after a couple of blocks. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I realized that every moment of silence is pure gold. That's the bed rock moment. I jumped on the Nordic Track and started skiing. My foot wasn't hurting. Just silently listening to the quiet, listening to my thoughts, this is terrific. That is the true meaning of spirituality.

It is the eve of my 6th ACIM anniversary. Also, 8/8 is my 28th sobriety anniversary and my 10th year after leaving the convent. These things will be celebrated quietly. No tatoos. Going to work. Just doing my daily pattern.

Bedrock is when you realize that nothing makes anything better except thought decisions. I decided that the peak of my life is quiet meditation. That pure un-adulterated relationship with quiet. Nothing is needed. Bread and water is fine. No distractions. Self induced dregs, poverty: bedrock, the ground of my being.

It is not important to many people to achieve their bed rock. It is to me. I have realized that I didn't come to this world to raise kids or be famous or productive in any way. I came here to know my own nature. It is in solitude that I find myself.

So time on the Versa Climber has been added to the exercise log. Triceps are on the strength rotation today.

Chapter 16.I

My ACIM anniversary is only 2 days away. I am on my 9th reading of the Text.

Chapter 16.I: "...sit quietly by and let the Holy Spirit relate through me.  ...I have invited Him [Guest] and He is here. I need do nothing except not interfere."

My ego is ferociously competitive, continuously lashing out against "them" who are higher on the corporate food chain. I feel a victim of "them" who are stupid yet have made it up the ladder. Stories about the middle class on the radio feed fuel into this inner fire.

Yet as I studied A Course in Miracles this morning, I realized there is nothing more important than living the ACIM life. I need do nothing. I am fine. Just let the Holy Spirit do His work without interfering. Continuously give my resentments to Him. Hang on to nothing. This is how I gain inner peace. This is the reality I choose to live in: Love is everywhere.

I have wanted to give a presentation on "Creative and Breakthrough Thinking" for awhile. Today is my day.