Today’s run was extraordinary. 23 miles in 4h00 (10.4 m/m).
It’s now 5:30 pm. I finished my run at 1:45. I did take some Aleve, but the achilles is not hurting hardley at all (and it usually does). For some reason, combined with my awesome Gobbler half-mary race, I think my running is finally purified.
In the monastery, I felt guilty for running, although I needed to in order to be sane as well as avoid weight gain. I felt guilty because running shoes and gear cost money; as well as it conflicted with community and prayer. Then, when I came out of the monastery, I continued to feel guilty; like running was still taking time from contemplation. And I felt like racing was a thing of ego grandiosity. Like the shiney medals and ag awards mattered only to self and not to Self. I also felt like running was sort of a way of cheating God out of power over me (like the give and take of injuries, and increased health, were defeating God's old age decrepitude syndrome).
Today’s run, I was repeating a prayer, “Father, in Jesus’ name remind me of (pause) Your love for me and my love for You.” And then I just ran. Gu every 45 min with about 3 oz of water. It was a mostly warm day but very windy. What if somehow running is a talent God gave? I’ve always dis-ed it because I am really not that fast. But on a global scale (looking at all the 50 year old ladies around me), I am an awesome runner. So what if my prayer was answered today by releasing me from my running guilt?
During my vacation, I’ve been studying my spiritual book and reflecting on today and potential futures; and working out every day. There have been spiritual questions answered and my responses have been accepting of God’s gifts.
So now I say: running and racing are remembrances of His love for me and my love for Him. And Jesus must have been running at my side and whispering in my ear.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Holiday Retreat - Day 8
I have been off work and alone for 8 days. My recovery from the world is going well.
Personal Statistics:
Saturday - 80 minutes on ex-machines and a 10 mile run plus a strength workout.
Sunday - 13.1 mile race plus 65 min of jogging for warm up and cool down plus a 59 minute walk.
Monday - 120 min on ex-machines plus 6 mile jog plus a strength workout.
Tuesday - 60 min on ex machines, 10.8 mile run and 41 min walk.
Wednesday - 18.9 miles run plus strength workout.
Thursday - 4 hours on ex-machines, 4 mile run and strength workout.
Friday - 3h41 min trail run.
Saturday - 15 mile walk plus strength workout plus 60 min on ex-machines.
Sunday - ________ TBD.
Pondering:
There is no ego. Hate does not exist.
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Love alone is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
The Holy Spirit is the Voice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
The innocent always truly see.
Christ vision is their one and only sight.
Into God's Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to His peace.
This is my commitment and the Truth.
Love is my intention as of now.
Personal Statistics:
Saturday - 80 minutes on ex-machines and a 10 mile run plus a strength workout.
Sunday - 13.1 mile race plus 65 min of jogging for warm up and cool down plus a 59 minute walk.
Monday - 120 min on ex-machines plus 6 mile jog plus a strength workout.
Tuesday - 60 min on ex machines, 10.8 mile run and 41 min walk.
Wednesday - 18.9 miles run plus strength workout.
Thursday - 4 hours on ex-machines, 4 mile run and strength workout.
Friday - 3h41 min trail run.
Saturday - 15 mile walk plus strength workout plus 60 min on ex-machines.
Sunday - ________ TBD.
Pondering:
- I made my list of Right Answers (see below). I need this list of non-ego thoughts so that when I am in trouble, I have something true to hang onto. And the list is a way to keep from letting my mind go wherever it wants.
- I realize that the founders of A Course in Miracles and the more well known teachers seem not to have achieved "it." Yet I believe that I can learn from Jesus and escape from ego prison. I am committed to the Course as my spiritual path.
- I seek quiet and solitude because I need to hear something besides the yammering of the ego in the world. "Be still and know God" is a perfectly clear approach.
- I spent Friday running the trails with this in my head: Into Thy hands I commend my spirit. I pondered the giving up of the ego and total reliance on God. Late at night, I felt that I had a moment of clarity: I have accepted God's peace. I am willing to let The Holy Spirit care for me. Yes God I accept Your peace. I said this and meant it. I accepted the power of peace instead of the ego grandiosity.
- Today, walking, I look at the future. The company plans to lay off 600 people. Will I be one? It doesn't matter. I rely on The Holy Spirit.
- Today marks the third day of absolutely no human interaction. I see how different my mind is when there is no one else around to posture before. I am a simple truth without the ego's presence.
- I thought about applying for a job in Germany; but it would mean tons of world wide travel. I accept that solitude is my way or I would have corrected that in the past year instead of going further into solitude. So, I won't apply for the job. I'll wait and see what The Holy Spirit has for me here.
There is no ego. Hate does not exist.
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Love alone is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
The Holy Spirit is the Voice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
The innocent always truly see.
Christ vision is their one and only sight.
Into God's Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to His peace.
This is my commitment and the Truth.
Love is my intention as of now.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The Miracle is the Right Answer
List of RIGHT ANSWER CORRECTED THOUGHTS
Hate does not exist. There is no ego.
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Love alone is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
The Holy Spirit is the Voice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
The innocent always truly see.
Christ vision is their one and only sight.
Into God's Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to His peace.
This is my commitment and the Truth.
Love is my intention as of now.
Musings, ponderings, decisions:
I know I hate because I feel conflict when I think of certain people, places, things or situations. But, these thoughts are the ego’s hateful thoughts. However, the ego does not exist unless I think it exists. So I have a choice. I can make choices about what thoughts I have. This choice is my responsibility. But after I decide to choose something different, I can accept help from Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Of myself, I don’t know. But I can let Jesus guide my thinking. A Course in Miracles is a course in mind training.
In 2.VII.1, Jesus says, "...you do not guard your thoughts carefully enough." Guarding thoughts is also a monastic concept. And, training the monkey mind is a Buddhist concept. To make any progress in this world, I must find a way to change my thinking. It is the thing that stops me the most. If I didn't want to know God, in this lifetime, I suppose training my mind would not be necessary. But to know God, I must give up my ego thoughts, lose my life as it were.
Thinking hateful thoughts about another person is a thought attack. I may not go and love them in the physical world, but I can discontinue my thought attack. The end of my hateful thoughts is in and of itself a loving act. It is a miracle, an expression of love.
Every time I don’t watch my thoughts and answer my ego thoughts with a right answer corrected thought from Jesus, I find myself in a thought attack. But, A Course in Miracles gave me the right answers and helped my put them into an easily remembered form. I can retreat at any time from my thought attack and choose a right answer corrected thought.
I must be willing to do this over and over. No quibbling about progress or lack thereof, just make the choice.
My reality consists of what is in my mind. That is why it is so important for me to keep learning what to do about my thinking. It is vital. Nothing in the world is more important than taking up the means of healing which I was given by the Holy Spirit. Nothing.
Hate does not exist. There is no ego.
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Love alone is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
The Holy Spirit is the Voice for God.
I hear Him speak quietly in my mind.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
The innocent always truly see.
Christ vision is their one and only sight.
Into God's Hands I commend my spirit.
And so my mind awakens to His peace.
This is my commitment and the Truth.
Love is my intention as of now.
Musings, ponderings, decisions:
I know I hate because I feel conflict when I think of certain people, places, things or situations. But, these thoughts are the ego’s hateful thoughts. However, the ego does not exist unless I think it exists. So I have a choice. I can make choices about what thoughts I have. This choice is my responsibility. But after I decide to choose something different, I can accept help from Jesus and the Holy Spirit. Of myself, I don’t know. But I can let Jesus guide my thinking. A Course in Miracles is a course in mind training.
In 2.VII.1, Jesus says, "...you do not guard your thoughts carefully enough." Guarding thoughts is also a monastic concept. And, training the monkey mind is a Buddhist concept. To make any progress in this world, I must find a way to change my thinking. It is the thing that stops me the most. If I didn't want to know God, in this lifetime, I suppose training my mind would not be necessary. But to know God, I must give up my ego thoughts, lose my life as it were.
Thinking hateful thoughts about another person is a thought attack. I may not go and love them in the physical world, but I can discontinue my thought attack. The end of my hateful thoughts is in and of itself a loving act. It is a miracle, an expression of love.
Every time I don’t watch my thoughts and answer my ego thoughts with a right answer corrected thought from Jesus, I find myself in a thought attack. But, A Course in Miracles gave me the right answers and helped my put them into an easily remembered form. I can retreat at any time from my thought attack and choose a right answer corrected thought.
I must be willing to do this over and over. No quibbling about progress or lack thereof, just make the choice.
My reality consists of what is in my mind. That is why it is so important for me to keep learning what to do about my thinking. It is vital. Nothing in the world is more important than taking up the means of healing which I was given by the Holy Spirit. Nothing.
Gobbler Grind Half Mary
Pretty cool!
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Declaration of Independence...
....from the ego's thought system, to return to the Holy Spirit's thought system, to accept Atonement for myself, to allow Jesus to work miracles thru me.
I am off work for next week. I am on retreat from the world. "Retreat" means pulling back from the ego's illusion and giving more space to God. I am spending as much time as possible for the next nine days, holding my ego suspended and listening to God. I am guarding my thoughts and answering all of the ego's thoughts with one of these:
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Hate does not exist. The ego lies.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Love alone is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
This is my commitment and the Truth.
Love is my intention as of now.
If any of these thoughts touch you, please take it and use it. These thoughts are a helpful response to any frustration, pain or confusion.
So as I worked out and ran for 3 hours this morning, I keep only these thoughts plus any enlightenments which come from Jesus. These thoughts here are based on A Course in Miracles teachings and they have meanings beyond the definitions known to society.
I am going in a half marathon tomorrow. I must because it is part of a larger plan. But because I want to run again on Monday, I won't be trashing my body for a personal best.
I am off work for next week. I am on retreat from the world. "Retreat" means pulling back from the ego's illusion and giving more space to God. I am spending as much time as possible for the next nine days, holding my ego suspended and listening to God. I am guarding my thoughts and answering all of the ego's thoughts with one of these:
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Hate does not exist. The ego lies.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
Love alone is my reality.
In the holy instant I forgive.
And miracles come forth as love expressed.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
This is my commitment and the Truth.
Love is my intention as of now.
If any of these thoughts touch you, please take it and use it. These thoughts are a helpful response to any frustration, pain or confusion.
So as I worked out and ran for 3 hours this morning, I keep only these thoughts plus any enlightenments which come from Jesus. These thoughts here are based on A Course in Miracles teachings and they have meanings beyond the definitions known to society.
I am going in a half marathon tomorrow. I must because it is part of a larger plan. But because I want to run again on Monday, I won't be trashing my body for a personal best.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Litany of Health
How do I know when to share? This week, my mind has been quite blank minded regarding any thoughts but work and running. Chapter 2 of the ACIM text talks about giving Jesus control over things that don't matter and allowing Jesus to guide my thoughts over things that do matter.
I am always looking for a better way to get through the day. My life is spent just trying to live out one more day. I have little happinesses and interesting accomplishments. I have my God project. I am a student of A Course in Miracles. But I am internalizing the fact that this world is an illusion and becoming more attuned to the thinking I put into it. I put less and less into the form of my life and more into the content of my mind. What is important is the content of my thoughts, not the form of the world; except insofar as the illusion I see witnesses to the type of thoughts I am thinking. It is very difficult to be honest with myself about exactly what thoughts I have and exactly what I mean by them.
Thoughts are powerful. Thoughts are what the illusion world is made of. So in my idle moments and especially when working out, I force my brain to stop thinking just any old thing. I decide what thoughts I want to have. I have a short litany which has specific meaning related to the Course in Miracles. I can recite it to myself to limit the thoughts I'm having. I can meditate on the meaning. I can use it to decipher and correct my thoughts.
The litany grew a bit today. As I was meditating on the text I had studied this morning, I was wondering what my intentions for doing anything are. And I decided that they shall be love. Then as I was running, anouther couplet or two popped into my mind. So here is the litany as of today:
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
This is the Truth and my commitment.
Love is my intention as of now.
The sentences are nine syllables. It makes for a good cadence while running if I include a silence of four steps between each line. Each of these sentences echoes or even quotes a part of the ACIM text.
I don't do holidays, except for I go on retreat. I come on the internet but otherwise have very little interactions with other people. I take holidays from work. I run alot. I read and ponder. I leave space for listening to God. I'm sure I'll have several blogs.
I am always looking for a better way to get through the day. My life is spent just trying to live out one more day. I have little happinesses and interesting accomplishments. I have my God project. I am a student of A Course in Miracles. But I am internalizing the fact that this world is an illusion and becoming more attuned to the thinking I put into it. I put less and less into the form of my life and more into the content of my mind. What is important is the content of my thoughts, not the form of the world; except insofar as the illusion I see witnesses to the type of thoughts I am thinking. It is very difficult to be honest with myself about exactly what thoughts I have and exactly what I mean by them.
Thoughts are powerful. Thoughts are what the illusion world is made of. So in my idle moments and especially when working out, I force my brain to stop thinking just any old thing. I decide what thoughts I want to have. I have a short litany which has specific meaning related to the Course in Miracles. I can recite it to myself to limit the thoughts I'm having. I can meditate on the meaning. I can use it to decipher and correct my thoughts.
The litany grew a bit today. As I was meditating on the text I had studied this morning, I was wondering what my intentions for doing anything are. And I decided that they shall be love. Then as I was running, anouther couplet or two popped into my mind. So here is the litany as of today:
If I am afraid, I am deceived.
Fear is lack of love. Atonement heals.
I am not alone. Jesus is here.
Jesus is the undoing of the dream.
God is not symbolic. He is fact.
His peace cannot be shaken. I am free.
This is the Truth and my commitment.
Love is my intention as of now.
The sentences are nine syllables. It makes for a good cadence while running if I include a silence of four steps between each line. Each of these sentences echoes or even quotes a part of the ACIM text.
I don't do holidays, except for I go on retreat. I come on the internet but otherwise have very little interactions with other people. I take holidays from work. I run alot. I read and ponder. I leave space for listening to God. I'm sure I'll have several blogs.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
My Vow to Atonement
Jesus is in charge of the Atonement (1.III.1)
My Vow to Atonement
1. If I am afraid, I am deceived.
2. His peace cannot be shaken. I am healed.
3. This is The Truth and my commitment.
My background thinking:
A Course in Miracles is filled with words which have been redefined in the attempt to correct our thinking. Like: miracle, Atonement, forgiveness, ego, salvation, body, world, sickness and healing. I have read the course 6 times and completed the workbook 3, but am still trying to understand and purposefully use the concepts. Undoing 50 years worth of worldly programming takes me time. It doesn’t take God any time, but a sudden rearrangement might scare me so Jesus is working slowly.
Miracle principle 25: "Miracles are part of an interlocking chain of forgiveness which, when completed, is the Atonement."
The meaning of Jesus is corrected by the Course. The early church, mainly after 200 ac, interpreted Jesus and his teachings incorrectly.
There are no vows to be taken in the Course; but you are asked to make choices. Throughout the course, there are many emphatic statements: just remember this one thing, just do this, your only purpose is this, etc. I believe that each of these emphatic statements are saying the same thing but in different words. The feeling of the idea in my gut is the same for each one. The feeling is a deep and insistent yearning for connection to the Love behind each of the statements. The real meaning is: I am in Love, always have been, always will be, only rely on This Love, It gives me peace and safety.
In chapter 19D, The Fear of God, the text discusses the secret vow made to the ego never to lift the veil of fear which we made to hide the face of Christ, and ultimately God. The ego is afraid of God. This secret vow needs to be uncovered and brought into the light. Hence my idea that a counter vow, used all the time but especially when I am afraid, is beneficial for returning my awareness of my existence to God.
My reflection:
OK, so I was studying in Chapter 2 and learning about the Atonement. The simplest meaning is that the Atonement undoes our incorrect thinking. There are many more facets to the term. The Atonement is/was an act of love, given so that we could defend our minds against incorrect thinking. Use of the defense against the ego’s thought system relieves fear and opens the mind to the inner light, the Holy Spirit’s thought system and we rejoin the truth of our existence solely in the heart of God. “The Atonement is a total commitment” (2.II.7). From my life as a nun, I understand commitment and vow to be related. The vow is a statement of the commitment.
OK, so my head is filled with new synapses, corrected thoughts. Musing on everything said in chapter 2 about the Atonement, the body, fear etc, and laying in bed last night wondering if I was getting a sore throat, I realized that I was afraid and decided to use the Course to relieve my fear and stop the process of getting sick. I looked again at chapter 2 and my mind pieced together, in my own words, the entire meaning of the Course, its entire learning and usefulness and what I am committed to. I’m calling this my Vow to Atonement. It is a litany I can play in my head to keep me “on course” all day, safe in the heart of God no matter what appears to be happening (so called good or bad). The world is an illusion. I am really an idea in the Mind of God. My body is part of my experience in the dream of this world, but its purpose is as a learning device. It does not have a mind of its own and nothing happens in the world which is real.
2.I.1: "All fear is ultimately reducible to the basic misperception that you have the ability to usurp the power of God. Of course, you neither can nor have been able to do this. Here is the real basis for your escape from fear. The escape is brought about by your acceptance of the Atonement, which enables you to realize that your errors never really occurred. "
So here is my Vow of Atonement:
1. If I am afraid, I am deceived.
2. His peace cannot be shaken. I am healed.
3. This is The Truth and my commitment.
Fear is my agreement to believe the ego’s proposition that I am separate from God and in a world which will hurt me. This thought is not true. What is true is that I have been given the peace of God, which is truly a rock. Knowing God’s peace is in me, fear leaves and my mind is healed. This is The Atonement. This is the Truth and I am committed to the Truth.
Conclusion:
The key core principle that any human must adopt and cling to at all times is reliance on God, not self. This returns the mind to the heart of God and heals the mind of fear. Living in love instead of fear, I project love and deny the ego's hate filled world.
My Vow to Atonement
1. If I am afraid, I am deceived.
2. His peace cannot be shaken. I am healed.
3. This is The Truth and my commitment.
My background thinking:
A Course in Miracles is filled with words which have been redefined in the attempt to correct our thinking. Like: miracle, Atonement, forgiveness, ego, salvation, body, world, sickness and healing. I have read the course 6 times and completed the workbook 3, but am still trying to understand and purposefully use the concepts. Undoing 50 years worth of worldly programming takes me time. It doesn’t take God any time, but a sudden rearrangement might scare me so Jesus is working slowly.
Miracle principle 25: "Miracles are part of an interlocking chain of forgiveness which, when completed, is the Atonement."
The meaning of Jesus is corrected by the Course. The early church, mainly after 200 ac, interpreted Jesus and his teachings incorrectly.
There are no vows to be taken in the Course; but you are asked to make choices. Throughout the course, there are many emphatic statements: just remember this one thing, just do this, your only purpose is this, etc. I believe that each of these emphatic statements are saying the same thing but in different words. The feeling of the idea in my gut is the same for each one. The feeling is a deep and insistent yearning for connection to the Love behind each of the statements. The real meaning is: I am in Love, always have been, always will be, only rely on This Love, It gives me peace and safety.
In chapter 19D, The Fear of God, the text discusses the secret vow made to the ego never to lift the veil of fear which we made to hide the face of Christ, and ultimately God. The ego is afraid of God. This secret vow needs to be uncovered and brought into the light. Hence my idea that a counter vow, used all the time but especially when I am afraid, is beneficial for returning my awareness of my existence to God.
My reflection:
OK, so I was studying in Chapter 2 and learning about the Atonement. The simplest meaning is that the Atonement undoes our incorrect thinking. There are many more facets to the term. The Atonement is/was an act of love, given so that we could defend our minds against incorrect thinking. Use of the defense against the ego’s thought system relieves fear and opens the mind to the inner light, the Holy Spirit’s thought system and we rejoin the truth of our existence solely in the heart of God. “The Atonement is a total commitment” (2.II.7). From my life as a nun, I understand commitment and vow to be related. The vow is a statement of the commitment.
OK, so my head is filled with new synapses, corrected thoughts. Musing on everything said in chapter 2 about the Atonement, the body, fear etc, and laying in bed last night wondering if I was getting a sore throat, I realized that I was afraid and decided to use the Course to relieve my fear and stop the process of getting sick. I looked again at chapter 2 and my mind pieced together, in my own words, the entire meaning of the Course, its entire learning and usefulness and what I am committed to. I’m calling this my Vow to Atonement. It is a litany I can play in my head to keep me “on course” all day, safe in the heart of God no matter what appears to be happening (so called good or bad). The world is an illusion. I am really an idea in the Mind of God. My body is part of my experience in the dream of this world, but its purpose is as a learning device. It does not have a mind of its own and nothing happens in the world which is real.
2.I.1: "All fear is ultimately reducible to the basic misperception that you have the ability to usurp the power of God. Of course, you neither can nor have been able to do this. Here is the real basis for your escape from fear. The escape is brought about by your acceptance of the Atonement, which enables you to realize that your errors never really occurred. "
So here is my Vow of Atonement:
1. If I am afraid, I am deceived.
2. His peace cannot be shaken. I am healed.
3. This is The Truth and my commitment.
Fear is my agreement to believe the ego’s proposition that I am separate from God and in a world which will hurt me. This thought is not true. What is true is that I have been given the peace of God, which is truly a rock. Knowing God’s peace is in me, fear leaves and my mind is healed. This is The Atonement. This is the Truth and I am committed to the Truth.
Conclusion:
The key core principle that any human must adopt and cling to at all times is reliance on God, not self. This returns the mind to the heart of God and heals the mind of fear. Living in love instead of fear, I project love and deny the ego's hate filled world.
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