Chapter 24 - Tweet

"The Christ in you is very still...there is no journey but to walk with Him."

Awesome. I thought about this as I rode my ex-bike this evening. And then more as I climbed the versa climber. And more as I skied on the Nordic track and lastly as I skimmed on the elliptical.

It is so simple.

A 6 Mile Run

This is my new fashion statement. No, not the Vibram. The energy band worn on the ankle. Not cuz I believe in the energy theory, but how cool it looks.

Today I went running: 6 miles at decent speeds in Meador Park. Part of the run was spent in a warm Gulf rain. I got thoroughly soaked in the short down pour. But it was part of my immersion into a new theory of life.

Running 6 miles does not produce any pain. Right at the moment, giving up the pain of running is what I am doing. I'm done running 40 or 50 miles every weekend. It always did hurt, but I was not conscious of the pain. Now I am and have decided to give it up. If I am only planning to run 10 miles on any weekend day, I can still sleep in and run before it is too hot. And the cross training is a bigger calorie burn than slowly jog walking for 5 hours.

I have a new adventure planned. I am already entered in a race in Utah on 9/8. I just learned that there is a half marathon in Denver on 9/9. Well, since I'd have to fly thru Denver to get home to Houston, why not stop over and do another race: 2 pieces of swag for the price of one trip.

I ran with one thought: Only loving thoughts are my reality.

It is derived from A Course in Miracles 11.VII: "The ego may see some good, but never only good. That is why its perceptions are so variable. It does not reject goodness entirely, for that you could not accept. But it always adds something that is not real to the real, thus confusing illusion and reality. For perceptions cannot be partly true. If you believe in truth and illusion, you cannot tell which is true. To establish your personal autonomy you tried to create unlike your Father, believing that what you made is capable of being unlike Him. Yet everything true is like Him. Perceiving only the real world will lead you to the real Heaven, because it will make you capable of understanding it."

I am tired of my ego "adding" crap to my loving successes thus ruining them as hate slowly seeps into everything I experience. My running today was a practice of watching where my thoughts went and redirecting them over and over away from negativity. Otherwise, my happiness in Texas and with my new job will be ruined and I'll have to go start over again someplace else.

I can only afford an investment in the spiritual reality of love. A Reality of love is what the Course in Miracles says is real. The negative fearful and angry reality most of us live in, is an ego delusion. (ps, the Course in Miracles ego is not Freud's ego, but I don't explain that today).

True Identity

This morning I was on my treadmill for a couple of miles. I have there index cards with quotes from A Course in Miracles. This morning, I was reading this from chapter 31: "The savior's vision is as innocent of what your brother is as it is free of any judgment made upon yourself. It sees no past in anyone at all. And thus it serves a wholly open mind, unclouded by old concepts, and prepared to look on only what the present holds. It cannot judge because it does not know. And recognizing this, it merely asks, "What is the meaning of what I behold?" Then is the answer given. And the door held open for the face of Christ to shine upon the one who asks, in innocence, to see beyond the veil of old ideas and ancient concepts held so long and dear against the vision of the Christ in you."

I was inspired by "It sees no past at all" and "to see beyond the veil of old ideas."

See, in the past week, I've poured another pile of money into somewhat helpful theraputics for my left heel; but was still left with annoyance of the practitioners or the business model they adhere to. In appointment number 3, the therapy was pain producing; and the practitioner was suggesting I spend more and more money on various things.

No matter my spiritual aspirations, I can't sustain endless expenditures. And then I said to myself, "it would be much cheaper and probably just as effective is you cut back on running." Except for I wanted to go in a marathon in Utah on September 8, I have no qualms about less running/more cross training. Logically, the cross training is better for me physically.

This phase of my development means that I have to let go of old identities: I am a runner. But, as a Course in Miracles student, I know I need to identify with Spirit. And to the door is open to once again take a step away from delusional reality and step further into Spiritual Reality.

There is a great deal of inner peace in my cross training. It is not attached to the world. It has no goals. It is symbolic of becoming and "inner athlete." Running is a hobby. Being an inner athlete is existential. And so I am free to choose from various endurance options. Endurance, no matter how it is achieved, is still a result of my inner being. In love with the energy, I allow it to express somehow.

During my vacation last week, I felt that spiritual pursuit is not a hobby, not a game, not an option. That other people have no spiritual connection does not mean I have to quit because mine seems so feeble even with the effort I put into it. Quitting God is not an option for me.

Will

A Course in Miracles, 11.I:

"You must ask what God’s Will is in everything, because it is yours. You do not know what it is, but the Holy Spirit remembers it for you. Ask Him, therefore, what God’s Will is for you, and He will tell you yours. It cannot be too often repeated that you do not know it. Whenever what the Holy Spirit tells you appears to be coercive, it is only because you have not recognized your will.....The projection of the ego makes it appear as if God’s Will is outside yourself, and therefore not yours. In this interpretation it seems possible for God’s Will and yours to conflict. God, then, may seem to demand of you what you do not want to give, and thus deprive you of what you want. Would God, Who wants only your will, be capable of this? Your will is His life, which He has given to you."

Today I went running in my newly beloved Seabrook, Texas. I say newly beloved because I appreciate it much more since returning from Colorado. About 90 minutes into the run I could see the sweat dropping off the bill of my Badwater hat. I'm sure that never happens in Badwater. I watched the drips one by one fall to the red gravel of the path in Seabrook. The running went well until about 9 miles. Then the lightening became too close for comfort. I ended my run at 10 miles; but that was about all my foot wanted to give anyway.

It should be noted that I wear a Badwater hat for lofty inspiration; not because I ever will run Badwater.

I came home and had my salad at 9:30 am; then a massive nap. Then I watched the fish at the Monterey Aquarium via the live web cam.

I go back to work tomorrow after a week of vacation. 92 miles covered since 6/30 when I started off running at Dillon Reservoir in Colorado.

Just now, I wanted to try and see if anything important had happened during this retreat from work. I sat down in front of A Course in Miracles and read what is quoted above. I noticed that there are two ideas: my will and God's Will. But it also points out that there is only one life and one will: that which I share with God. Then it points out that my ego does not want this.

Thus, I seem to throw away God, fear God and feel life long conflict.

I seem to always wish I could have a quantum leap in my thinking. But I get daily changes and glimmers of light.

Wonder why I haven't bought my air plane tickets for my September marathon yet? I'm waiting for something but I don't know what.

Edit: I just spent 30 min riding my ex-bike and pondering "Your will is His life...." Really, think about it; for yourself I mean.

The Answer

Last night as I lay in bed, my ego mind was attacking me. It was going on and on and on in complaint about some situation. I could feel myself projecting anger and mistrust. At one point, I felt and realized how the thoughts making up my physical body are anger.

I asked the Holy Spirit for help. A minute later, the harangue begins again. At one point, I realized that the harangue had switched topics; just like that. I kept working on other thoughts.

When I woke up this morning, I felt at peace with going to do a task today (a visit to a new sports clinic). But as I did my morning spiritual study, I first remembered that somewhere in a Course in Miracles, we are advised that when a brother asks an unreasonable thing, we should do it (what was unreasonable is no young whipper snapper chiro is going to be able to help me by counciling me about chi running or how I am unbalanced). I remembered to laugh at my ego thoughts. I remembered to bow down before my brother and say, "Give me your blessing holy son of God."

But most of all, I realized that the answer to my question was a metaphysical answer. This reality is an illusion and I'm responsible for my projections. So I did the opposite of my ego's council and went through with the task. Trusting the Holy Spirit was part of my ascendance to the metaphysical reasoning.

The task turned out to be pure joy. I'm happy about it (Dr Bloom was a bent up old man who has been working with athlete for 60 years, and should have been wearing a grey sweatshirt). After I was done, I went running in the Houston heat and humidity. I think I am growing to like the swelter. Anyway, as I was running, I realized that the answer is always the same answer: let go. Stop trying to control the illusion. Let the Holy Spirit have the illusion.

And so I had a spiritual experience of joy instead of a pissed-off-ed-ness with lifelong resentment.

Which now teaches me: every experience I have as joy gives me joy in my memory instead of hate. Think about it. How many past memories pop into your mind on a daily basis? How many are of joy? Usually they are of fear. But imagine a life where the pop up memories are joyful and that is how you spend each day: in joy.

It is the Spirit that does all this. By myself, I'd be stuck with the anger.

I'm committed to God. No.matter.what.you.think.

Next stop on my 2012 race calender is this place: 

After today's experience, I'm sure I'll be there is good health. I'm about to visit Southwest Airlines and click buy....bye bye Luv Voucher!

July Vacation Part 2

Last night I got home from 4 days in Colorado. It was nice; but I am freaking glad to be home. I can take much better care of myself here; especially in the making of green smoothies. And I have 5 more days to ponder the meaning of life.

But as a student of A Course in Miracles, I have to accept that the dream level of life is meaningless and I give it up. What I want most is to remember Him. Going around in this dream and trying to satisfy my desire for Him will never succeed. But I can imagine accepting the Holy Spirit's purpose and mine; giving up my ego's. ACIM practice of forgiveness does bring satisfaction. It is joining rather than separating; and so I remember Him.

I realized, while jogging along a bike path after my Copper Mountain half marathon, that the enlightened people are the ones who go to work and take care of business. We fall for the gurus because they seem to have something more special than we do. If we give up specialness, we realize that paying the bills and getting the car fixed is no different than these supposedly monumental achievements and emotional experiences we see others have. And this is true because paying the bills is divorced from the dopamine reward cycle. Living life apart from dopamine rewards defeats the ego and helps me to live in truth.

Now, it is time for me to go upstairs and stand on a foam pad, practicing my balance.

Ptarmigan Hike Pictures