I slept late today, 7:30. Then I had coffee and spiritual study until 9:30. When I headed to the park, it was still only 64F! I ran 8.1 miles at a steady 10 m/m pace, even though my quads felt tired. My achilles was not in pain from yesterday. Then, I switched to the Sanctuary trail and ran another 1h50. I did 3 laps today (about 7 miles) before the legs were totally tired.
All during my running, I was realizing how I must be in transition. Most of the summer, I was driven to get up early and complete 5 and 6 hour training days on the weekends. Looking back, I think my race plans (hot July ultras) were driving the endurance effort. But as I’ve switched to some trail running, the emphasis on strengthening my quads is taking over. I feel fatigue like I’ve not felt before, but no injuries. However, the question of why was in my mind. I'm not particularly interested in racing at the moment, so why do I train?
This afternoon, after my deep tissue massage (I hate massages), the answer hit me. I am an athlete. That’s why I train. I don’t care if I never go in another competition. I am an athlete. I am a spiritual athlete and long distance runner. These go hand in hand. My spiritual sport requires just as much time and effort as running. I must grow in both and that means work. But, I've never wanted to stop either; not spirituality after I failed at the monastery, and not running after I became so unimpressed with races. I am an athlete so I carry out my life like one, no matter that it does no good in this world.
I am an athlete in the depth of my soul. I have purified the motives of my sports. I don't train to race and I don't study spirituality for this world.
Now, time for free weights. My LMT verified that my traps are much stronger than they used to be.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Sept Multiday 1 - Thursday
I woke up this morning with a good idea. I am free; meaning, I can run or not as much or as little as I feel like it. I'm not training, but more importantly I am not emulating. Mainly I am not emulating the 3,100 mile Self Transcendence racers or any other multi-day race where God is supposedly found.
.
I have no agenda. In particular, I have no agenda for God or enlightenment. So I lingered over my coffee and spiritual study. It has cooled off a little, so I am not so pressed to get a run started real early in the morning.
.
I got to the park at about 8:30 and started jogging; and continuing to reflect. About 20 minutes into the run, I started to feel the Presence of Love and the ability to choose it instead of hate. I began to feel grateful.
.
I ran in the park for one hour at marathon pace and two hours of 8x2s. Then I moved over to the Sanctuary trail. My legs were tired so I went slow. The rocks were wet and slippery, so I didn't take many chances with them. I ran 2 laps, or 1h20.
.
I've been taking it easy this afternoon. Vacation is a gift of time. For me, the best thing to do with time is to turn inward to The True Source. Anyone can know the Power of God which is within if they stop and let It be. Yes, this is Christ or Self or Love or God. I spend my time being in Its Presence. Just that. Nothing more.
.
I am grateful to be a runner and contemplative. Running helps me to contemplate, and contemplation helps me to run. Tomorrow is another day.
.
I have no agenda. In particular, I have no agenda for God or enlightenment. So I lingered over my coffee and spiritual study. It has cooled off a little, so I am not so pressed to get a run started real early in the morning.
.
I got to the park at about 8:30 and started jogging; and continuing to reflect. About 20 minutes into the run, I started to feel the Presence of Love and the ability to choose it instead of hate. I began to feel grateful.
.
I ran in the park for one hour at marathon pace and two hours of 8x2s. Then I moved over to the Sanctuary trail. My legs were tired so I went slow. The rocks were wet and slippery, so I didn't take many chances with them. I ran 2 laps, or 1h20.
.
I've been taking it easy this afternoon. Vacation is a gift of time. For me, the best thing to do with time is to turn inward to The True Source. Anyone can know the Power of God which is within if they stop and let It be. Yes, this is Christ or Self or Love or God. I spend my time being in Its Presence. Just that. Nothing more.
.
I am grateful to be a runner and contemplative. Running helps me to contemplate, and contemplation helps me to run. Tomorrow is another day.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Sept Multiday 1 - Wednesday Eve
My only task for 5 days is to be quiet and think of light.
Tomorrow’s lesson: "Love is the way I walk in gratitude.
Tomorrow’s lesson: "Love is the way I walk in gratitude.
The Holy Spirit is my only Guide.
He walks with me in love. And I give thanks
to Him for showing me the way to go."
I started my vacation at noon. I have no plans. I'll study ACIM, workout and meditate. I'll post my various reflections. This afternoon, I took a 5.4 mile run by the river in Parkville. Arriving home, I worked with the foam roller and stretching; plus core.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
To Be or Not-to-be
It is all fine and good to preach about denying the ego; so much harder to do. The Holy Spirit is the key.
“He (Holy Spirit) understands how your relationship (the one with your brother) is raised above the battleground, in it no more. This is your part; to realize that murder in any form (especially thoughts) is not your will. The overlooking of the battleground is now your purpose.” (Text 23.IV)
Overlooking equals looking beyond, not seeing others as physical but granting them the presence of spirit within, which I want known about me also. The battlefield is the illusion of the world, where we fight it out against each other every day.
My achilles is not 100%. Do I have any business going in any marathon? That is not really the point. Contemplation of God is the point.
The holy instant is another key. The quiet sphere above the battlefield. To not-be is to exist above the battlefield. Here, in the sphere of quiet, only an awareness of God's love exists in the mind.
I first entered meditation when I was attracted to the single room. I read about a guy who stayed in a room for a year and meditated. I wanted to do that. My foray into monastic life was because I thought I could be silent. Ever since that first idea, I have sought silence and solitude, but keep getting involved in activities. Being quiet is the hardest thing anyone can ever do.
What I am getting at is this: I have 5 days off. I am not entered in any races (although I could be) and have no plans. I once again stand before my inner truth and see what I choose: inner peace or outer gratification.
"Be lifted up, and from a higher place look down upon it. From there will your perspective be quite different. Here in the midst of it, it does seem real. Here you have chosen to be part of it. Here murder is your choice. Yet from above, the choice is miracles instead of murder. And the perspective coming from this choice shows you the battle is not real, and easily escaped. Bodies may battle, but the clash of forms is meaningless. And it is over when you realize it never was begun. How can a battle be perceived as nothingness when you engage in it? How can the truth of miracles be recognized if murder is your choice?" (23.IV)
“He (Holy Spirit) understands how your relationship (the one with your brother) is raised above the battleground, in it no more. This is your part; to realize that murder in any form (especially thoughts) is not your will. The overlooking of the battleground is now your purpose.” (Text 23.IV)
Overlooking equals looking beyond, not seeing others as physical but granting them the presence of spirit within, which I want known about me also. The battlefield is the illusion of the world, where we fight it out against each other every day.
My achilles is not 100%. Do I have any business going in any marathon? That is not really the point. Contemplation of God is the point.
The holy instant is another key. The quiet sphere above the battlefield. To not-be is to exist above the battlefield. Here, in the sphere of quiet, only an awareness of God's love exists in the mind.
I first entered meditation when I was attracted to the single room. I read about a guy who stayed in a room for a year and meditated. I wanted to do that. My foray into monastic life was because I thought I could be silent. Ever since that first idea, I have sought silence and solitude, but keep getting involved in activities. Being quiet is the hardest thing anyone can ever do.
What I am getting at is this: I have 5 days off. I am not entered in any races (although I could be) and have no plans. I once again stand before my inner truth and see what I choose: inner peace or outer gratification.
"Be lifted up, and from a higher place look down upon it. From there will your perspective be quite different. Here in the midst of it, it does seem real. Here you have chosen to be part of it. Here murder is your choice. Yet from above, the choice is miracles instead of murder. And the perspective coming from this choice shows you the battle is not real, and easily escaped. Bodies may battle, but the clash of forms is meaningless. And it is over when you realize it never was begun. How can a battle be perceived as nothingness when you engage in it? How can the truth of miracles be recognized if murder is your choice?" (23.IV)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Content vs Form
Yesterday's running wore me out. I slept 10 hours. then, I did my usual spiritual study of the Course in Miracles Text (23.II):
"...lack of faith in love, in any form, attests to chaos as reality...Attack in any form has placed your foot upon the twisted stairway that leads from Heaven. Yet any instant it is possible to have all this undone...Ask, then, your Friend to join with you, and give you certainty of where you go."
This followed on a little explanation of form vs content. Form is the world of the ego. It is the world where most people live, never getting beyond the weather or money or family matters or TV or alcohol or indulgent eating or football or church or smoking and thinking thats OK or tossing garbage out the car window or etc; what I could call primative thinking, unconsciousness.
I don't drink because even one drink messes with the awareness of God. Primative thinkers don't even know they have a connection with God. Content, not form, is important.
The world of content is beyond the world of form. The ego is not present there. The world of content consists of mind and spirit. Living in the world of content disarms the ego because there is nothing but love in mind and spirit. The only consciousness is faith in love. To get out of the ego's world and into the spirit world, I ask my Friend, Jesus.
My mind this morning was on my years long attempt to live off the social norm grid. I exist in the world but in a shady non-average manner. I am processing myself into Heaven.
Then I began a 2 hour ex-machine workout. I was listening to NPR's This American Life, which was several stories about people who live their lives outside the norm. I felt good with this workout, happy to do all of the x-bike intervals at a higher speed. I mixed sit-ups and some weights into the intervals. I felt so good, that I decided after 2 hours to go out on the trails.
It was hot by then, but the trail is mostly in trees. I felt stronger and more capable today, even taking a fourth lap. I got to watch a "skilled" trail runner hippity hop down the rock pile. Someday, my quads will be able to do that. I added a little piece onto the end of each lap which consists of 4 flights of stairs (either up or down depending on which lap I'm on). At the end, I noticed another set of stairs to add in the next time. I'm also going to add in a trek up the dam and back. But I need courage for that.
I came home to a green smoothie. There is no better way to live than this: 4 or more hours of exercise each day of every weekend. I know people who are winding down their summer marathon training in preparation for an October marathon. One of them was so happy to have only one more 20 mile LSD. Crap, I'd do 20 miles every weekend even if no race was on the schedule. Yesterday, I only ran 18 miles but part was on trails. So it would have been more than 20 had I stayed in the park. You gotta love it.
Starting next Thursday, I'm going to do another personal endurance multi-day. It will be a combination of ex-machines, flat track and trails. I just ordered a set of exercise step blocks. This is to cover leg strength training as another option. They also double as a low bench, which I need because of some of the exercises my trainer gave me.
"...lack of faith in love, in any form, attests to chaos as reality...Attack in any form has placed your foot upon the twisted stairway that leads from Heaven. Yet any instant it is possible to have all this undone...Ask, then, your Friend to join with you, and give you certainty of where you go."
This followed on a little explanation of form vs content. Form is the world of the ego. It is the world where most people live, never getting beyond the weather or money or family matters or TV or alcohol or indulgent eating or football or church or smoking and thinking thats OK or tossing garbage out the car window or etc; what I could call primative thinking, unconsciousness.
I don't drink because even one drink messes with the awareness of God. Primative thinkers don't even know they have a connection with God. Content, not form, is important.
The world of content is beyond the world of form. The ego is not present there. The world of content consists of mind and spirit. Living in the world of content disarms the ego because there is nothing but love in mind and spirit. The only consciousness is faith in love. To get out of the ego's world and into the spirit world, I ask my Friend, Jesus.
My mind this morning was on my years long attempt to live off the social norm grid. I exist in the world but in a shady non-average manner. I am processing myself into Heaven.
Then I began a 2 hour ex-machine workout. I was listening to NPR's This American Life, which was several stories about people who live their lives outside the norm. I felt good with this workout, happy to do all of the x-bike intervals at a higher speed. I mixed sit-ups and some weights into the intervals. I felt so good, that I decided after 2 hours to go out on the trails.
It was hot by then, but the trail is mostly in trees. I felt stronger and more capable today, even taking a fourth lap. I got to watch a "skilled" trail runner hippity hop down the rock pile. Someday, my quads will be able to do that. I added a little piece onto the end of each lap which consists of 4 flights of stairs (either up or down depending on which lap I'm on). At the end, I noticed another set of stairs to add in the next time. I'm also going to add in a trek up the dam and back. But I need courage for that.
I came home to a green smoothie. There is no better way to live than this: 4 or more hours of exercise each day of every weekend. I know people who are winding down their summer marathon training in preparation for an October marathon. One of them was so happy to have only one more 20 mile LSD. Crap, I'd do 20 miles every weekend even if no race was on the schedule. Yesterday, I only ran 18 miles but part was on trails. So it would have been more than 20 had I stayed in the park. You gotta love it.
Starting next Thursday, I'm going to do another personal endurance multi-day. It will be a combination of ex-machines, flat track and trails. I just ordered a set of exercise step blocks. This is to cover leg strength training as another option. They also double as a low bench, which I need because of some of the exercises my trainer gave me.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
ACIM Student - I am as God created me.
I am a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). As such, I frame my life in the Course Text. This morning, I read only one paragraph during my spiritual study (23.II):
"And here a final principle of chaos comes to the “rescue.” It holds there is a substitute for love. This is the magic that will cure all of your pain; the missing factor in your madness that makes it “sane.” This is the reason why you must attack. Here is what makes your vengeance justified. Behold, unveiled, the ego’s secret gift, torn from your brother’s body, hidden there in malice and in hatred for the one to whom the gift belongs. He would deprive you of the secret ingredient that would give meaning to your life. The substitute for love, born of your enmity to your brother, must be salvation. It has no substitute, and there is only one. And all your relationships have but the purpose of seizing it and making it your own."
I couldn't read past this paragraph, I simply meditated on it. My ego leapt out of hiding and explained to me how much it hates my brother for his fame, fortune, power, position and prestige. My ego would kill to obtain some worldly thing which it thinks is salvation. What a fake world we have. We look at money as salvation. We look at the Church as salvation. We look at career as salvation. We look at hot cars as salvation. We look at sex as salvation. We look at family and children as salvation. We look at retirement and death as salvation. We really want some way to get out of the hell we live in.
I struggled with my ego. If we want something that someone else has, that thing is a symbol for salvation for us, our ticket out of here. My mind filled with the ego's hatred and I started asking for help from Jesus. Clearly, I should bring the hate to the light; not suppress it.
Then, about 7, I went running. My hateful attitude continued as I ran. I wondered if I should kill myself because life is meaningless and hate filled and I don't want to live like this. I was running in Parkville, along a flat dirt bike path by the river. My legs were tired even before I started. It was a tad cool with a breeze. I nodded hi to the regulars. I realized how futile running races is. After qualifying for Boston in a marathon last year, I reached the pinnacle of performance. The people who complete the 3,100 miles Self Transcendence race, accomplish nothing in the outer world. All the gifts they receive are on the metaphysical and spiritual plane. The ego is only satisfied for a little while and then goes searching for greater glory. I refuse to do that. I need to go inward. My running is not for the ego but for transcendence.
After about 90 minutes of running, I suddenly noticed that peace and the joyful consciousness of God was all around. I noticed the peace of God. The light of God had been around me the whole time; but it took me 90 minutes of fighting my hateful ego to get clear enough for peace to be noticeable.
After 10.8 miles in the park (10 min/mile pace), I jumped in the car, drove a half mile and jumped back out at the nature sanctuary (I didn’t plan to go back to the park, so drove to the sanctuary). I put on my new trail shoes and started in on 2 hours of trail running. I’ve always been a little ashamed of my slowness on trails, but today I realized that at 17 min/mile, I still do rocks piles faster than most people can walk on the flat.
The trail shoes helped me feel more sure footed. Luckily I already knew which parts of the toe box needed to be fixed with a knife, or I’d be losing a toe nail (shame on Mizuno designers for putting trim on the toe box). Without a doubt, trails are much more difficult than road running, but such a good variation. They make my legs work in all directions.
After all that running, I came home to clean up and eat and then lay on the bed. I was in a meditative state, wondering about that hateful ego. A principle of ACIM came through loud and clear, “It is not real. The world is an illusion.” And suddenly I knew: I have never been hateful at all of anyone. This world is an illusion. It never happened. I am not a body, I am free. I am as God created me. I exist in the arms of Love as an idea of love. I never left the embrace of God.
"And here a final principle of chaos comes to the “rescue.” It holds there is a substitute for love. This is the magic that will cure all of your pain; the missing factor in your madness that makes it “sane.” This is the reason why you must attack. Here is what makes your vengeance justified. Behold, unveiled, the ego’s secret gift, torn from your brother’s body, hidden there in malice and in hatred for the one to whom the gift belongs. He would deprive you of the secret ingredient that would give meaning to your life. The substitute for love, born of your enmity to your brother, must be salvation. It has no substitute, and there is only one. And all your relationships have but the purpose of seizing it and making it your own."
I couldn't read past this paragraph, I simply meditated on it. My ego leapt out of hiding and explained to me how much it hates my brother for his fame, fortune, power, position and prestige. My ego would kill to obtain some worldly thing which it thinks is salvation. What a fake world we have. We look at money as salvation. We look at the Church as salvation. We look at career as salvation. We look at hot cars as salvation. We look at sex as salvation. We look at family and children as salvation. We look at retirement and death as salvation. We really want some way to get out of the hell we live in.
I struggled with my ego. If we want something that someone else has, that thing is a symbol for salvation for us, our ticket out of here. My mind filled with the ego's hatred and I started asking for help from Jesus. Clearly, I should bring the hate to the light; not suppress it.
Then, about 7, I went running. My hateful attitude continued as I ran. I wondered if I should kill myself because life is meaningless and hate filled and I don't want to live like this. I was running in Parkville, along a flat dirt bike path by the river. My legs were tired even before I started. It was a tad cool with a breeze. I nodded hi to the regulars. I realized how futile running races is. After qualifying for Boston in a marathon last year, I reached the pinnacle of performance. The people who complete the 3,100 miles Self Transcendence race, accomplish nothing in the outer world. All the gifts they receive are on the metaphysical and spiritual plane. The ego is only satisfied for a little while and then goes searching for greater glory. I refuse to do that. I need to go inward. My running is not for the ego but for transcendence.
After about 90 minutes of running, I suddenly noticed that peace and the joyful consciousness of God was all around. I noticed the peace of God. The light of God had been around me the whole time; but it took me 90 minutes of fighting my hateful ego to get clear enough for peace to be noticeable.
After 10.8 miles in the park (10 min/mile pace), I jumped in the car, drove a half mile and jumped back out at the nature sanctuary (I didn’t plan to go back to the park, so drove to the sanctuary). I put on my new trail shoes and started in on 2 hours of trail running. I’ve always been a little ashamed of my slowness on trails, but today I realized that at 17 min/mile, I still do rocks piles faster than most people can walk on the flat.
The trail shoes helped me feel more sure footed. Luckily I already knew which parts of the toe box needed to be fixed with a knife, or I’d be losing a toe nail (shame on Mizuno designers for putting trim on the toe box). Without a doubt, trails are much more difficult than road running, but such a good variation. They make my legs work in all directions.
After all that running, I came home to clean up and eat and then lay on the bed. I was in a meditative state, wondering about that hateful ego. A principle of ACIM came through loud and clear, “It is not real. The world is an illusion.” And suddenly I knew: I have never been hateful at all of anyone. This world is an illusion. It never happened. I am not a body, I am free. I am as God created me. I exist in the arms of Love as an idea of love. I never left the embrace of God.
I love these rocks:
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Shut up and Listen
A Course in Miracles Text 23.I: "The memory of God comes to a quiet mind."
My lesson today: "The peace of God is shining in me now."
Today I will make no decisions by myself. So I wake up this morning and phone service/DSL is not working. I start to hear my ego plan its attack on AT&T regarding how they have made a bad connection. I switch my thinking to my lesson. I pause. To decide anything about AT&T is to make a decision for myself. The memory of God comes to a quiet mind.
I realize how deeply I don't want to spend the day with thoughts of attack against people or institutions (as I do everyday and so do you). The peace of God is shining in me now.
A bit more from the Text: "...truth stands radiant, apart from conflict, untouched and quiet in the peace of God."
I pause. I don't want to just mindlessly repeat today's lesson but to let it mean something, to believe it. The world is an illusion. I don't need to react to the world, because it does not exist. The world is an illusion, a projection of what I think. I'm going to ask the Holy Spirit for help and listen to His thoughts and decisions not mine. The memory of God comes to a quiet mind. All I need do is shut up and listen. The peace of God is shining in me now.
Now I am at work. AT&T has been contacted. I am listening to 2 colleagues having a "discussion" next door. I will make no decisions by myself. The peace of God is shining in me now.
Yesterday a colleague from another plant mentioned how he was thinking of becoming vegetarian. He knew I was because we had had dinner the night before and he noticed I did ok at the restaurant. I ask him, "Does it bother you to eat animals?" He says, "no." "So, don't become a vegetarian, just eat less meat if the health effects concern you." The peace of God is shining in me now.
People are shocked that I am bothered that people eat animals. I will make no decisions by myself. The peace of God is shining in me now. I'll let that be.
The mornings are finally cooler, in the 60s. I've been feeling great while running; faster. So, its time to make sure I am not stupid and overdo one day. I have some new shoes, a couple of brands, just to mix things up. The achilles is much better than its been for months. I'm looking forward to trails this weekend and a personal multi-day beginning next Thursday.
I love this picture:
My lesson today: "The peace of God is shining in me now."
Today I will make no decisions by myself. So I wake up this morning and phone service/DSL is not working. I start to hear my ego plan its attack on AT&T regarding how they have made a bad connection. I switch my thinking to my lesson. I pause. To decide anything about AT&T is to make a decision for myself. The memory of God comes to a quiet mind.
I realize how deeply I don't want to spend the day with thoughts of attack against people or institutions (as I do everyday and so do you). The peace of God is shining in me now.
A bit more from the Text: "...truth stands radiant, apart from conflict, untouched and quiet in the peace of God."
I pause. I don't want to just mindlessly repeat today's lesson but to let it mean something, to believe it. The world is an illusion. I don't need to react to the world, because it does not exist. The world is an illusion, a projection of what I think. I'm going to ask the Holy Spirit for help and listen to His thoughts and decisions not mine. The memory of God comes to a quiet mind. All I need do is shut up and listen. The peace of God is shining in me now.
Now I am at work. AT&T has been contacted. I am listening to 2 colleagues having a "discussion" next door. I will make no decisions by myself. The peace of God is shining in me now.
Yesterday a colleague from another plant mentioned how he was thinking of becoming vegetarian. He knew I was because we had had dinner the night before and he noticed I did ok at the restaurant. I ask him, "Does it bother you to eat animals?" He says, "no." "So, don't become a vegetarian, just eat less meat if the health effects concern you." The peace of God is shining in me now.
People are shocked that I am bothered that people eat animals. I will make no decisions by myself. The peace of God is shining in me now. I'll let that be.
The mornings are finally cooler, in the 60s. I've been feeling great while running; faster. So, its time to make sure I am not stupid and overdo one day. I have some new shoes, a couple of brands, just to mix things up. The achilles is much better than its been for months. I'm looking forward to trails this weekend and a personal multi-day beginning next Thursday.
I love this picture:
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