Un-escapables
Non-negotiables
Persistent Practices
Sacred Ground
These are areas of my life, pieces of which I am made. I must work for a living. I'm good at what I do and well paid. I must study spiritual books and practice inner listening. I must be an athlete because it exercises character traits I wouldn't otherwise have. I absolutely will not eat meat or drink alcohol for spiritual reasons.
I am made of endurance, perseverance, hope, love, care.
I want to do more with my life; but not kill myself. I have no career ambition other than making money. I've reached the edge of running. I can't do any more. I'm in a spiritual desert; beyond where emotions influence my belief in God. I don't at all want to join ordinary society. So I don't know what "something more" is. I can't plan it. I can only pray for it.
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hope. Show all posts
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
The Hope Dilemma...
It seems to me I might have lived most of my life without hope. Or maybe I've lived my life in a total delusion of hope. Hope vs hopeless is my dilemma.
I have drive. My inner drive never gives up. My inner drive relentlessly pushes forward no matter what the probability of success.
ACIM lesson 12: "I am upset because I see a meaningless world....The importance of this idea lies in the fact that it contains a correction for a major perceptual distortion. You think that what upsets you is a frightening world, or a sad world, or a violent world, or an insane world. All these attributes are given it by you. The world is meaningless in itself."
I admit that I put Aristotle's "Metaphysics" aside this morning and went back to the ACIM text for my spiritual reading (Chapter 13). ACIM is a definite challenge for my ego; meaning, my ego hates what ACIM points out about it.
Its been true for a long time that I don't seem to make much progress in my career; except to do very well as a basic engineer. I don't seem to move ahead financially; except to do very well providing a basic comfortable life. I run and train a gob; and this is enjoyment. As the years go by, I seem tremendously successful because my peer group quickly slides into obesity and ill health by my age.
Today is Holy Thursday. The Roman Catholics start their 3 day Easter liturgy today. I know the Christian world is going into a convulsion over the celebration of the death and rising of their Lord. I no longer think God really cares about all this. I don't think Jesus does either. I find any religion unbelievable. It just can't have anything to do with God.
I live in a twilight reality. As an ACIM student, I no longer completely believe this world is real. I grant myself a shift in belief toward the realization that the world I see truly is my illusion. As an ACIM student, I use the course to shave down and ruff up my ego on a daily basis. Hence, my ego is always irritated and crabby.
But the other part of me which is not ego, that drive I mentioned above, turns towards spirituality as the only possible solution for hope. This world is meaningless to me; so I look beyond towards my inner being to find something, anything, to grasp. I must believe in the divine consciousness. There is no alternative.
My weekly rolling mileage total at livestrong.com is 73.65 miles. I'm going in a trail half marathon this Saturday. Next weekend, I'll be in Vancouver BC running a marathon.
I have drive. My inner drive never gives up. My inner drive relentlessly pushes forward no matter what the probability of success.
ACIM lesson 12: "I am upset because I see a meaningless world....The importance of this idea lies in the fact that it contains a correction for a major perceptual distortion. You think that what upsets you is a frightening world, or a sad world, or a violent world, or an insane world. All these attributes are given it by you. The world is meaningless in itself."
I admit that I put Aristotle's "Metaphysics" aside this morning and went back to the ACIM text for my spiritual reading (Chapter 13). ACIM is a definite challenge for my ego; meaning, my ego hates what ACIM points out about it.
Its been true for a long time that I don't seem to make much progress in my career; except to do very well as a basic engineer. I don't seem to move ahead financially; except to do very well providing a basic comfortable life. I run and train a gob; and this is enjoyment. As the years go by, I seem tremendously successful because my peer group quickly slides into obesity and ill health by my age.
Today is Holy Thursday. The Roman Catholics start their 3 day Easter liturgy today. I know the Christian world is going into a convulsion over the celebration of the death and rising of their Lord. I no longer think God really cares about all this. I don't think Jesus does either. I find any religion unbelievable. It just can't have anything to do with God.
I live in a twilight reality. As an ACIM student, I no longer completely believe this world is real. I grant myself a shift in belief toward the realization that the world I see truly is my illusion. As an ACIM student, I use the course to shave down and ruff up my ego on a daily basis. Hence, my ego is always irritated and crabby.
But the other part of me which is not ego, that drive I mentioned above, turns towards spirituality as the only possible solution for hope. This world is meaningless to me; so I look beyond towards my inner being to find something, anything, to grasp. I must believe in the divine consciousness. There is no alternative.
My weekly rolling mileage total at livestrong.com is 73.65 miles. I'm going in a trail half marathon this Saturday. Next weekend, I'll be in Vancouver BC running a marathon.
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