Patriotica

The eagles, the red, white and blue, The thought of Navy ships and men in uniforms, the word "Marathon." All touch my heart. I guess I am American after all.

I ran a marathon today. It was a fun experience. I met several new people. These people were Marathon Maniacs. I met a guy who has completed 1,000 marathons; and another couple of guys who had run 6 or more just this week. There was talk of jumping on airplanes to get to the next place; and I was asked where was I running next week. It occurred to me that if I hung around these people too long, I'd want to be like them. And so I learned that we as people gather into like minded groups and then promote our cause to other people hoping they'll join us. This is not bad, just not good for me who hopes to live a non-dogmatic life and have an original thought sometime before I die. If I want to think outside the box, I have to be outside the box. If I want to be a diverse contributor, then I must remain a diverse person and not be assimilated in the group.

I did really well, since there was a huge wind blowing us along for the first 18 miles. After that, I put my head down and bull dogged my way "uphill" for 8 miles to the finish. You might say that the real race began after 18 miles.

Included in my weekend was a long shopping trip to Barnes and Nobel. I haven't been to one of these since moving to Texas, as the mall is to much trouble for me. But there was a store next to my hotel in Corpus Christi, so I went over to browse. After a very long time, I finally decided to by an Anne Rand book, my 3rd, but I promptly lost it today. But as I browsed, I noted intrigue books, war books, religious books. I could feel my own secret desire to buy yet one more book about religious life. Somehow, the message I got from all this browsing is that we are seeking for something and hope to find it in a book. I do. But that never works.

Of Groups, Chunks and Mirrors

I could have gone to Kansas City today and spent all day tomorrow running 50 miles in a snow storm.

I cancelled that and instead I'll be in Corpus Christi running a marathon:

I have some space in my life to build new chunks: compression of conscious data according to its inherent structure or the way it relates to preexisting memories. I live on interconnected facts assembled by awareness.

There may not be an I who does this. There is an abstract principle of life; at least I insist that there is. Is this a divine principle? I don't know the God behind it. I do know that when I seek the more silent area of my consciousness, I feel more calm and am able to go about my day with less stress.

Walking away from organized religion, I lose the meaning and purpose of life. The path of no-purpose is not grounded and therefore frightening. We scramble for something to hold on to in order to feel ok about ourselves. I have intentionally ripped my self from the society which gives it position.

I try again to know who I am without others approval or opinion. Like, what races or how many miles would I do if I had no one to tell about it?

Reading this blog, someone knows what race I am going in; but there is no one I'm reflecting off of regarding this activity. I need to know. If something is purely for myself, with no outside input, would I do it?

I think I have a better chance of re-writing the ancient survival chunks (like continuous eating) and finding a new awareness of life if I do it apart from society. Society seems to force the ongoing dogma instead of going outside the norms. (see "The Ravenous Brain" for chunk explanations).

I just came back from a 13.6 mile jog. Many thoughts as I went along.

For one, if I maintain a certain speed of about 14 min/mile, I have no trouble with my skeletal deformities.

For another, I recently had an experience with a group. I got them mad at me because I didn't go along with their norms. They stoned me electronically. All groups are like this; either play nice or face the consequences. I know this and I know how to play nice. But in this instance, I felt like saying my opinion. They didn't like it. I got stoned.

This experience caused me to think about relationships. I see most of them as mirrors. That is, this group was a mirror for me to posture and preen in front of, receiving compliments and affirmations as long as I behaved. To some extent, my actual life and thoughts were affected by the mirror.

So now I have walked away from that mirror. I wonder how I will shape my thoughts and experiences without that mirror. I have other mirrors for other purposes; but how will I be in that particular area?

On the Marathon Road Again

So funny.

I cancelled a 50 mile race in Kansas this weekend because I thought the weather would be bad. And so far, it looks like snow and sleet and wind and cold. Not just for running but also for flying and driving. 13 hours of being cold and miserable? No, I'm not a real ultra marathoner.

So, I was surfing the web and ....look'ee there: a marathon in Corpus Christi this weekend.

Hummm, sun, within driving distance, not too expensive, long time limit (so I can walk alot)....YES!

I'll be sunning myself in Texas instead of freezing in Kansas.