Yesterday, I realized that I reached a hard edge to what I am able to handle. It is the first time I've ever reached this consciously. It has happened unconsciously before. That is, I didn't realize what was happening; I just reacted.
So when I consciously made the connection, I thought, "my emotional make up simply cannot tolerate THIS." So, I can decide to stop, realize I have a character shortcoming and leave it alone. I am like a person without a leg, only it is a mental flaw. Will power won't stop my emotions from controlling me.
The only way to change is to offer it up to my soul for healing. Again, this must be done consciously and specifically.
This character flow is related to trust in certain situations. The facts of the matter have little bearing on my emotional reaction or the barrage of thoughts which spring up to stress me out. I can see the fear; but there is nothing I can do about it. I also can't deny it. Fear controls me.
In fact, this situation has been eye opening. Like, wow, I really am controlled by fear and my life has been shaped to avoid certain things because they are just too overwhelming emotionally.
How humbling it is to admit this about myself honestly.
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