I was looking at my spreadsheet of workouts. I usually do around 60 miles a week. Usually on Sundays, I go out for a 20 mile run/walk.
I was thinking about this. Most people ask, "What are you training for?" It is true that I go in races. It is true that mileage has to be up in order to do marathons. But I'm not really training. I'm doing miles with my body while I practice metaphysics in my head. I'm watching where my thoughts go and then bringing them back to now.
I am signed up for a marathon in 3 weeks. I am signed up for a 24 hour race in mid-October. I am signed up for some races in 2016. But, I keep wracking my brain about what I want to do in November and December. I can't decide. A trip to a marathon seems like too much hassle.
I have 2 job offers within my company. One is here in Texas. One is in Pittsburgh. Comparable jobs. It is so incredible that my ego is not capable of being happy right where I am at. Texas has been good to me. I'm happy. I've built the respect and trust of many people. I have enough money. Still, it is almost killing me to accept that. For the first time in my life, I am trying to make a job decision based on spiritual principles; not just money, power, or prestige. The Pittsburgh job would be more money and is on a corporate level. But I can't see that it is the call of my higher self.
I was in Pittsburgh this week. I'm not sure I like it. Houston is hot and sometimes they have hurricanes; but I like it here. I don't think I want to retire in Pittsburgh. Yet, still my ego simply cannot stop pushing.
The decisions about races or jobs are the same decision. What do I do about ego yammering if I want to live by metaphysics instead? There are books on this topic. Go read them. I am practicing the techniques.
Many people who are "enlightened" got that way by severe emotional trauma, drugs, brain injuries, illness delirium. None of those things have happened to me. I am waking up gradually in each little moment during each day when I notice Presence, or I do something without my ego.
Would I do all those miles if I wasn't doing races? I hope so. There is something about endless miles that draws me. I love strapping my hydro-pak to my back and going out on the trail. I love doing laps in the little park across the street. I always wish my body could do more.
It is raining for the first time in over a month. Yay!!!!