Sometimes we talk about losing your mojo. I've been experiencing such a thing. To me, I want to know what my mojo is, where did it come from and do I want it. I see the loss of mojo as a metaphysical success. I see my mojo as a veil of ego which covers over my inner truth, keeping me too busy with the world to realize who I really am. The mojo was successfully worn away by day after day of steady wearing down in hours on the bike, the tm, the nordic track and the roads.
In seeking futility as a conscious deliberate act, aquired on purpose, I become metaphysically alien. I must stop complaining. I have uncovered the depth of my soul. It is dark it is so deep. I try not to be afraid. I reach for my Higher Power's hand and we seek to go into the depths of Truth. It is a chance at re-creation. I seek to liquidate my past and move forward into something new. So I choose for now to live with ennui, the inherent bleakness of being human; while my Higher Power gently and slowly leads me deeper.